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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Reception - disappointing parents evening

84 replies

moleinstudy · 19/10/2022 19:49

Our DD is young in the year (early August) but is doing well at reading and maths (sits on the top tables apparently). Average at writing. She's not a genius but the academic side sounds like it is going ok.

But I feel sad today as her teacher has described a girl that isn't recognisable to me at parents evening. Apparently she often doesn't listen, doesn't try hard, rushes and sometimes even point blank refuses to follow instructions. This has come out of nowhere as far as I am concerned.

I feel like she is utterly exhausted every single day. Will this get better as she matures or do we need to hammer more discipline into her. I really don't want to! She just seems like a happy, well meaning child to us - we rarely have to tell her off.

Any tips for perhaps encouraging her to follow instructions most welcome. I'm all ears.

I am also hoping someone will come on and say their reception kid was the same and a model student by year 1!

I will ask teacher for advice (caught a bit off guard tonight) but don't expect she has much time to focus on one kid unfortunately. Teacher does seem lovely.

Thank you.

OP posts:

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CentralLondonLife · 19/10/2022 20:36

Very odd to have grouped children by ability at this point and very much against current thinking.

What phonics programme and maths approach do they follow?

Summerfun54321 · 19/10/2022 20:37

Will this get better as she matures or do we need to hammer more discipline into her

Of course you don’t need to hammer discipline into a 4 year old! Some countries the kids don’t even start school until they’re 7! She’s been at school less than 2 months, chill out and give you and her some rest.

Gistbury · 19/10/2022 20:38

She is just starting out and it is all so much for them. Please don't hammer any discipline into her, the school rewards policy should shape her

FruitToast · 19/10/2022 20:39

We had similar for DS but I was fully expecting it as I'm starting to wonder if he's got ADHD. His behaviour is starting to get noticeably worse than his peers in multiple settings. He scored well in his baseline test though so she's happy with that at least. It's always best to work with the school. So I'd ring up or email, say you want another meeting to find out more. Tell them you don't recognise that version of your DD and you want to work together to understand what is happening at school.

roundtable · 19/10/2022 20:42

The top table comment is awful.

However, I will say that early years intake at the moment has seen a decline in social skills. It must be related to covid but children are flat out refusing to do what an adult asks and even screaming. These are all not children with send although some may be but children who are struggling with the big and busy world around them and what's expected of them. Some children don't tantrum at home as they have never come across opposition to what they want to do. The word no can be shocking if you've never really heard it.

Was it said as a criticism op? Or was it said as targets to work towards? They usually have to give targets so there will always be something that is the next step. I wouldn't totally disregard it but keep an eye on things.

I'm sure she's a lovely girl op 💐

ADialgaAteMyDog · 19/10/2022 20:43

Our school doesn't have tables in reception and all the children learn everything together. My Dc2 is quite bored in maths as he knows his numbers but I tell him some children don't and he has to sit quietly while they learn.

Your school sounds very different to ours but I wouldn't worry too much and make sure your DD knows she should do as the teacher asks. It will get better and this term is exhausting for a number of reasons.

bruffin · 19/10/2022 20:45

We had a shocking parents evening 2nd term of reception. DD was refusing to do what she was told and being generally bolshy , which was really unlike her She was a September baby so being young was not an excuse.
Turned out she wasn't happy because there was a new intake at Christmas and a lot more children.
Also teacher had cancer so was obviously stressed.

Apart from complaints about handwriting and being too chatty we never had another bad parents evening.She is now 25 , qualified as a paediatric OT working in schools.

Uberstar · 19/10/2022 20:47

I’ve just had parents evening for my 4 year old tonight too.
I was told she is quite a Character, she’s getting better at listening during carpet time and she loves going to the toilets just so
she can wash her hands 😂
I was told she gets d and b mixed up and 6 and 9 and we could practice this at home.
they didn’t mention tables or where she sits ability wise in the class.
I honestly wouldn’t stress about it.

littleducks · 19/10/2022 20:49

I would consider requesting a hearing test, lots of children have glue ear and struggle to hear with background noise although it is less noticeable in quieter settings.

You can play barrier games to see if she used difficulties with longer or compound instructions (eg. Wash your hands then line up by the door to go to lunch). These can be with real life objects or printouts and can be fun for kids.

Reluctantadult · 19/10/2022 20:51

My youngest is in yr1 now. At his reception parents evening the teacher described him as a reluctant learner. I didn't recognise this at all, he used to run out of school waving his book to read for example. He loves learning. It still smarts now lol, so just offering some sympathy. Don't deep it 😊

mungo8 · 19/10/2022 20:52

My 'he needs to listen more and talk less" DS July born continued through school with no issues and just left school with 8s and 9s at GCSE they are so little in reception and are still learning how school works, as long as they are happy to go that is all that matters x

loulouljh · 19/10/2022 20:52

She is 4! 4. In many countries she would not be going to school for 3 more years. I would be relaxed about this.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/10/2022 20:59

Bless you @moleinstudy. Totally normal to feel like this, but equally, she's only 4. And she's only half a term into school.

She'll get the hang of it, don't worry, especially if she's already doing academically well.

Honestly, just give her a big hug and tell her how proud you are that she's doing so well in school. Because she absolutely is.

Underroad · 19/10/2022 20:59

Don’t take too much of it to heart - she’s only just 4 and I’m sure she’s doing fine. However, do have a chat with her about how she needs to do her best listening at school and do what the teachers asks her to do. I was an early years teacher and there were an awful lot of children who came to school who had never had any expectations laid out for behaviour at all. If you don’t tell them that you expect them to listen carefully and do as they are asked unless something makes them feel uncomfortable, they probably won’t do it.

Anon778833 · 19/10/2022 21:02

There will be children in her class who are nearly a year older than she is. At this age, that makes a huge difference. The teacher sounds mean.

catandcoffee · 19/10/2022 21:04

Similar with one of my GC at that age.

It's very early days I've no idea why schools expect such young children to sit and listen for hours.

GC eventually settled down and learnt listening skills.

Don't worry OP it's very normal.

bruffin · 19/10/2022 21:05

loulouljh · 19/10/2022 20:52

She is 4! 4. In many countries she would not be going to school for 3 more years. I would be relaxed about this.

We had a friend in Germany who was the same age as DD. Yes he started formal school 2 years later but he really hated it . They were expected to hit the ground running in a very formal setting from playing all day. It was much harder for him. At least here reception is a much gentler transition from nursery to formal school.

treesandweeds · 19/10/2022 21:09

Top tables? They don't even have tables in reception!

Original poster

moleinstudy · 19/10/2022 21:18

I feel so much better, thank you everyone.

I will keep an eye on what the teacher has said but not be overly concerned for now (which I definitely was an hour ago). We will focus on the positives and hopefully she will continue to bound into school happy and keen!

The teacher is really nice, I think she was tight for time and perhaps summarised badly. I do take what she (and any teacher!) says seriously but equally I have now taken a step back and don't think we are dealing with anything too serious. Hopefully just an average child who is still learning to listen and focus and will get there in the end.

OP posts:

CountessOfSponheim · 19/10/2022 21:22

Reception is exhausting and she's young for the year - I really wouldn't worry about any of that stuff at the moment. They are all things that will come with time.

Highfivemum · 19/10/2022 21:27

As nice as you say the teacher was I think she has been very unfair. I am a teacher ( present leave with children ) and I have never been negative about a child in a first parents evening. In fact I don’t think being negative does any good.
your child is still very young and the fact that they at that age are coping and managing to sit in class is an achievement for them.
I once had a teacher state at a parents evening of DS3 that he had not been successful in his age 5 checks for maths. I quickly said well that’s ok as he is only 4. !!! She shut up and never said it again. Teachers do know the difference in the young ones. Or else they should do. I can them them in the first week who are oldest and youngest. They need praise and encouragement at that age as they have a long way of school to go. Tell you DC how marvellous they are and move on

TonksInPurple · 19/10/2022 21:31

She’s a baby, she should still be playing and having fun. It’s not surprising she’s not listening.

Disabrie22 · 19/10/2022 21:31

Hi OP,
I’m a reception teacher who experienced the same as you with one of my children was born in August. I felt she had never had a positive parents evening - it’s always been about her trying to catch up or her social skills. These are normal levels of both for someone who is almost nine months younger than everyone else.
I have always vowed to nurture younger children in reception as a way forward from what I experienced.
I think you have to ignore parents evenings sometimes with summer born children. I say this as someone who loves being but a teacher - but school is just one big competition that the older kids win.

Prescottdanni123 · 19/10/2022 21:45

I think some teachers forget that there is a big gap developmentally between a child that has just turned four and a child that is almost 5 upon starting school.

asparalite · 19/10/2022 21:45

Honestly at this stage of Reception the parents evening should have been spent talking with you about your child…focussing on how they're settling in, the talk about top tables is quite inappropriate, I'd wonder really about the teacher's experience of teaching reception, it's to be expected that children are tired and need support in listening.

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