Educational holiday instead of the Yr 6 residential

[NicolaandLawrie]

My DD really doesn’t want to go on the Yr 6 residential. It’s 5 days, 4 nights at an outward bound centre, kayaking, canoeing, abseiling - that kind of thing. Teachers have applied a bit of pressure saying she’ll regret it if she doesn’t go. Personally I don’t think she will. She is confident, self-assured, knows her own mind and is clear that she wouldn’t really enjoy the activities and therefore doesn’t want to go.

I see no reason to pressure her into going, it’s £450 I could spend on something better for her. Which brings me to my question. The alternative provision for non attendees is to join a Yr 5 class for the week. I think that would be a waste of her time and therefore I am planning to take her out and go away.

I would like to go somewhere she can learn/experience something which will make it a great use of the time out of school, she loves art, animals, wildlife, is pretty good at speaking French and also enjoys walking, swimming and being out in nature.

Any suggestions of where we could go please? It will be during mid July, just before they break up for the summer. Thanks 😊

I was so glad my dd's trip was cancelled due to covid. She wasn't keen on going away with kids that many of them she doesn't bother with at secondary. They usually make new friends when they transition so I always think a y7 trip makes more sense.
I'd do a city break like Barcelona, Rome or something. Far better than forced activities!

My DD was very shy and hated outdoor type of activities. She hated her year 5 residential trip (she was very clingy for days afterwards and wouldn't leave my side) and the year 7 one. She was just about OK on the year 6 one, as they went to museums and wildlife parks etc which she was more comfortable with.
It was difficult for me because she had initially said she wanted to go, and the alternative was being with the year below. I couldn't have taken her anywhere else because that would have meant taking DS out of school.
I think OP if you could offer an alternative she would enjoy I would do that.

Lots of children do not attend residential school trips for a number of reasons, medical, dietary and religious reasons being some of them and for others they just don't want to go. Fair enough. My friend's daughter falls into one of the above categories, is now 17 and is not emotionally damaged from not going. My DC's school did 2 residential school trips in year 6, half of them did both, the other half did just the PGL one.

Sticking her in year 5 seems like a cheap way to sort out the children who are staying behind and also feels like a way to force children on the school residential. Your DD doesn't want to go so I definitely wouldn't make her. Have a wonderful time with your DD.

Given that it is term time I would want to take her abroad, Paris or Barcelona would be wonderful. What an adventure.

I think sometimes in life you have to do things you don't particularly want to do - that isn't just school it's work and life generally. I think dealing with stuff that you don't particularly like the idea of is character building and you shouldn't indulge her by taking her out.

If take her to Normandy, plus a night or two in Paris if funds permit- lots of history (to sell the school) amazing museums particularly on the 1944 landing beaches, plus lovely countryside, then Paris has art etc

However it's a long time to july, she may regret her decision when everyone in her class is getting excited about the trip, doing prep etc. i wasn't outdoorsy at all but loved my school residential

Definitely a foreign city. She would need to:

• read maps
• plot a metro route
• ask for things in a foreign language
• design a day’s itinerary with you
• deal with foreign currency etc

Our school hasn't authorise a 4 day trip to paris to see galleries, etc so you may find however educational you make it wont be authorised!

As it happens our residential are 2 nights/3days and cheaper which seems much better at that age to me (in contrast to those saying residential are always 4 nights!)

These

I’m an ex year 6 teacher and I think you’re absolutely right not to send her OP, there can be this culture that certain interests are the ‘right’ ones and if you don’t like them you should suck it up. Would love to know how many posters would send their art- or drama-hating child away to a musical theatre week residential for ‘character building’. Every new year my resolution is to not do things I don’t want to do and it’s honestly life changing.

Just a comment re the fine, often it’s automatic unfortunately and is linked to 5 full consecutive days out of school. If you wanted to avoid it, you could send her in on one day of that week and you should avoid it.

Also to add it definitely won’t be authorised but that doesn’t matter, it being authorised or unauthorised means nothing, take her and have a fab time.

For the 'education elsewhere' the school has to assure itself of certain standards about attendance, nature and standard of educational component and safeguarding. They generally have neither time nor inclination to do that for term-time holidays.

Do the holiday during the holidays.

The residential isn't a holiday, it's outdoors learning. If your DC isn't going to be doing that part of the programme, then they still need to be in school as it's termtime, doing whatever the school deems is the next best thing.

Also it's bad tactics - if your DC decides after all they really want to go (and over time this is a very likely change) then you don't want to be either inhibiting your DC from saying so (because they know about other plans) nor losing bookings/deposits which you can instead make for times during the holidays

These trips are very much about independence from parents - managing your own shit, doing stuff without your parents being there to advise you, having time with your friends out of school without parents there etc It's why PGL stands for Parents Get Lost! Obviously she is not leaving home just yet, but the residentials are a great way to safely start getting a bit independence, which by 10 is very useful to start learning.

But if she definitely doesn't want to go then she shouldn't be forced, and definitely don't send her into school. I think Paris would be a good shout and cover a lot of bases.

Yes i completely agreee with what Alice says - they won't authorise it however much education you do but they only fine if its more than 4 days. Could she go in for the first day then go away with you. Or alternately just pay the fine and have a lovely time

It will be cheaper going on holiday that week as its term time so I would go for it.

That’s fine she doesn’t want to go and great she has decided this herself

The only thing I would say is when her peers are all back from the trip and talking about it , saying how fantastic it was , that’s when she might regret not going and feel she missed out on, kids.

Saying that she might not and that’s ok
You know her best

My eldest DS didn’t want to go, his year went to the Isle of Wight for 5 days, they put him in year 5, there were 2 that didn’t go. All he did that week was to work on a folder subject of his choice. When it came to DS2 he also didn’t want to go, mainly because his close friends families couldn’t afford it. They went out on day trips as there were enough to warrant this.

It is your subjective opinion to say my daughter is making a poor decision. If the decision is right for her and her circumstances, it is the right one to make. I wholeheartedly disagree with what you have said. It is this kind of attitude which imposes undue pressure on young children and causes them to question themselves. Being riddled with self doubt and lacking strength of mind is not something I wish to encourage for her.

Some children gain a lot from these experiences. It is not one size fits all.

The alternative is to send her knowing she will have a miserable time. If you’d be okay with doing that to your child, then that’s up to you. I prefer to have a constructive and open conversation with my daughter about her needs.

Of course it's my subjective opinion, and yours is equally subjective. And you're the parent, so ultimately you get to call the shots, but personally, I don't think you're doing your dc any favours here.

I'm not saying that she should be forced to go if she really doesn't want to. I'm simply saying that I would not be rewarding the decision not to go.

Ultimately, it's about what you think is important. You clearly think it's really important for kids not to feel any pressure and for them to be able to make their own decisions about what they do/don't do without ever doubting their choices. Fair enough, you're entitled to your view.

I feel that it's important for kids to build their confidence by being pushed out of their comfort zones from time to time, and to make decisions about what they do/don't do with the understanding that all of the choices that they make will have consequences that they will have to live with. I am also entitled to my view.

We can agree to differ on this.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. I’ve got some really helpful suggestions about where we could go, particularly the overseas options.

I appreciate the constructive advice about potentially risking a fine and that my daughter may later regret her decision. If she does - well, that is a learning experience in of itself, but potential for regret won’t trump potential for misery, when we make our final decision.

I do not appreciate the unasked for opinions as to whether my daughter should go or not - that wasn’t what I asked. I did explain the reasoning - although frankly that is no one else’s business. If you felt the need to publicly criticise our decision and try to shame me/my daughter into changing our minds, maybe take an inward look at yourself…

I am grateful to those people who also took the time to provide supportive comments in the face of the criticism.

I won’t be checking the thread again from this point.

No, what you are doing is trying to make me doubt myself because I don’t happen to agree with you. This is apparent from the tone and language you have used, and the assumptions you have chosen to make about me. I don’t agree to differ - I disagree with you and the way you have elected to express yourself. As per my closing comment, I am grateful for the constructive comments made on this thread. Yours wasn’t one of them.

It's an open forum, OP. People will post what they think, especially if they believe that you're making a mistake. You don't have to appreciate the posts that are critical of your approach, but if you post on a public forum, I do think you have to be prepared for people to disagree with you, and to comment on the broader issues raised in your post rather than on the specific questions that you've asked. Whether you like their advice or not, they may actually be trying to help.

I'm sorry that you didn't find my post helpful, but it was not intended to upset you. It was merely offering a different point of view. If you're absolutely confident in your decisions, then the feedback shouldn't bother you. If it's making you second guess your decisions, then there is no harm to consider all perspectives before making your final choice. If you get to the same conclusion that you reached in the first place, fine. At least you will have considered all angles.

I challenge all those who think OP's DD should be forced/shamed/pressured into going on this holiday to design a holiday for themselves consisting entirely of activities that they hate and will be miserable and embarrassing for them. Daily singing performances? Latin dance lessons? Long distance running in the snow? If you hate it, that's what you're going to be doing and spending a lot of money on it too. It will be character building and good for you.

Any of the alternative trips discussed will be enriching and educational for the DD, in different ways. It's senseless to "punish" her with a week in the year below learning nothing. If OP feels her DD really needs to experience a trip away from home there are endless different ways to achieve that. PGL do different types of holidays and there are also scripture union holidays, girl guide trips, sports trips, drama trips, music trips, duke of Edinburgh, etc etc, where her DD can challenge and extend herself in the context of activities that she actually finds personally enjoyable/meaningful/fulfilling. There is nothing essential about this or any other school trip and there will be plenty of other opportunities in the future. The girl is 10!!

It isn't a holiday, though? It's supposed to be an educational experience, not just a jolly.

And actually, the things that I have done which have been far outside my comfort zone are typically the things that have led to the greatest personal growth/confidence boosts, and so actually, I really wish my parents had pushed me outside of my comfort zone a bit more in my early years...I wouldn't have wasted so many years being too timid to try stuff. I have taken a very different approach with my own dd, and I can see that she has reaped the rewards of this.

Yup - completely agree. The idea we all have total autonomy over what we do and don't have to do is ridiculous - and I strongly believe that it is a big part of the reason we have a generation of young people where a significant number are totally unable to deal with adversity of any kind. It's what I call 'the kingdom of I' attitude - how I feel trumps everything else, I must have my own way etc etc. And Op if you want an echo chamber suggest you don't post on an open forum.

It's supposed to be fun, though, as well as educational. That is the idea.