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Upset about being told off by Ds's teacher, my four year old does not want to learn 'Sounds write'.

133 replies

FlllightAttendant · 14/01/2008 16:06

Oh golly, just got back from school with a 'note' to me in his book. It says 'I have put some letters in his bag, please practise these with him. If this is not clear, please ask.'

Ok, we have tried 'practising' these sounds, he is NOT INTERESTED. They have been there since september. I have written in his book, 'Ds is not really into reading/writing but he enjoys sounding out words to me sometimes'. They have just ignored it and are now putting the pressure on.

He is four fgs, all he wants to go to school for is to wallop the other little boys and play fart games, and be walloped in return.

He is not interested in reading, I thought they understood that - reception is about playing, non?

I just feel defeated. How do I handle this, once I have gathered myself into something resembling calm?

I am probably overreacting but it just feels like they are expecting too much. I don't want to force him into reading etc as it will put him off for life.

OP posts:
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Enid · 15/01/2008 10:14

even if my children didnt start school until 7 (god forbid) I would teach them to read as early as possible

FairyMum · 15/01/2008 10:27

Yes great idea Enid. I could read by the time I was 4. One of my brother's on the other hand, was really slow to learn to read and it only really clicked into place for him by the time he was 8. He is now a university lecturer. Luckily he had chilled out parents who didn't stress about these things. That is not the same as not being supportive of your child's education by the way. You can of course encourage them, but the OP clearly feels her son is not ready!

bozza · 15/01/2008 10:30

DS is 6 (in Y2 and nearly 7). I can't imagine him not being able to read and not even having started school yet. He is your archetypal bookworm though which is why it is so unimagineable although it did take him to half way through reception to click.

cornsilk · 15/01/2008 11:46

Knowing or not knowing letter sounds at 4 has got bugger all to do with whether a child is a genius.Who said it did?(Reference to Enid's post) Einstein probably didn'tknow his at 4 as he was dyslexic! You can only teach your chn to read when they are ready. For many chn 4 is too young.

reademandweep · 15/01/2008 12:08

Teachers they don't want children to be pressured so that they're put off (they'd always rather you stop reading a book with a young child and leave it for a few days if you feel it's best, for instance, than push them and make a battle of it).

You don't need to clear it with the teacher (or declare to her bolshiely ) that you're tailoring the things sent home to a Reception child's needs and interests - that's just what you do (and what a teacher will be glad you're doing).

Re the OP: your teacher won't be expecting all parents to do exactly the same. IF she asks if you're practising the letters (and she probably won't unless your previous meeting made her concerned you might be actively avoiding anything that could help with literacy), I'd just say "Yes, we're trying to work them into little games" or something like that and she'll probably be very happy with that answer. Just knowing that you as the parent have read her list and noticed which letters are important ones to start with, and that they'll near the front of your mind so you can e.g. spot chances to talk about them, will be a good sign that he's getting some support in learning those sounds (and a lot more than some children will get). A win-win situation, everyone's happy .

The teacher might be concerned about what you do IF you make an issue of it and seem to be actively refusing to do anything that might help with later reading, but she really won't have a fixed idea in her head of you sitting down and doing 'reading homework' with him as the only way to do the practising.

You can use those letters a little bit more than others while occasionally playing I Spy, or spot words starting with those letters in particular on objects, or sing funny songs, or link sounds to favourite characters, or draw the odd letter in amongst the sand pictures, or make occasional letters as well as animals out of plasticine, or temporarily arrange some other toy into an 's' shape and comment on it - there are so many possibilities. Those are all things the teacher will be genuinely happy with as ways of you helping your child gradually to learn those letters, because they will all help him to learn (even if he doesn't realise it). If you are possibly going to keep him at school, then that would be a wise investment of very small amounts of time, and doesn't mean putting pressure on at all. (Sorry, am repeating
myself now I know!)

School doesn't mean totally giving up following a child's lead and play-based learning, or not letting a child's interests lead the way and inspire and be learnt from. It may never be as good as HE in that respect, because of the number of children being taught at once and the schedule, but it's not its diametrical opposite, where you can't take any account of the individual child, either.

By the way my eldest wasn't ready to read till well over five (lots of phonics games happened before that though) - and when reading did happen, my goodness it was fast! Something really does just 'click' when they're ready, and they're away - but the earlier stuff helps even if they don't really realise what (or that) they're learning.

reademandweep · 15/01/2008 12:09

Take the first 'they' out!

tortoiseSHELL · 15/01/2008 12:27

I agree about the 'clicking' - ds1 had lots of 'sight' words by half way through reception, but he suddenly clicked at Easter in reception. and was reading really well. From then on he went really fast - he's reading things like Matilda by Roald Dahl now (he's 6.6 now).

cory · 16/01/2008 21:43

I was educated in Sweden and now keep in close contact with several parents with school age children.

It used to be that you did not start school until you were 7 (though if you were an autumn baby you could start before your 7th birthday - on the decision of your parents (!) in consultation with the school nurse).

Since then, they have brought in a reception class, starting at 6, but this is optional; you can still start at 7 if the parents think this is best for that individual child. As there is very good subsidised childcare provision in Sweden, there is less pressure on parents to get their children into school early for childcare reasons.

When I had my children in this country, obviously things were very different from what I had grown up with, so to some extent I had to go with the flow- difficult to come in from abroad and try to impose their views. In reality, I found it was possible to do some sort of compromise by putting a little time into making them do their homework, but not too much, letting things slip from time to time, sometimes being honest about things ('she was too tired to do her reading') and sometimes just mumbling something indistint. I tried not to be confrontational and I did not find myself very closely investigated by teachers re homework either.

Both my dc's are now in junior school- and even Swedes recognise that you do have to work when you get to that age.

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