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Original poster

Shall I try to delay DD starting school?

134 replies

ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 21:36

DD is a summer-born 3 year old and I've got to apply for her school place by January. What I'm not sure of is whether to put her in her normal cohort or apply to delay her a year (so she'd start reception a year later at just-turned five rather than just-turned four). They do this pretty commonly in Scotland but it's not as usual in England and can be difficult to get agreed, though it is becoming more common and the government have promised to make it a parental right to delay and to keep them with their adopted cohort (though they're taking their sweet time about it!) DD was not premature and has no SEND. Academically she is fairly able, but socially I would say she's noticeably behind the older kids in her year and she often gravitates towards those younger than her. I asked if she would like to go to big school with children X, Y and Z or stay at playgroup with children A, B and C and she said she'd prefer playgroup.

The research says that summer borns are 30% more likely to suffer depression as teens/adults than their older peers, which is a large part of the reason I am considering the delay, but the unknown of going against the tide a bit scares me.

Any words of wisdom? WWYD?

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Comedycook · 29/11/2021 21:40

I asked if she would like to go to big school with children X, Y and Z or stay at playgroup with children A, B and C and she said she'd prefer playgroup

Do not base your decision on this. She knows playgroup and school is an unknown entity...of course she will say playgroup.

If it was me, I'd absolutely send her to school...my niece is an August baby, and has just started reception. She's doing fine. Honestly, unless the child is very developmentally delayed or has sn, I wouldn't hold them back

claymodels · 29/11/2021 21:44

They do this pretty commonly in Scotland but it's not as usual in England

It's not the same in Scotland at all.

Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 21:48

@claymodels

They do this pretty commonly in Scotland but it's not as usual in England

It's not the same in Scotland at all.

Well yes, because the school year cut off is sensible different, but my understanding is that people close to that cut off can enter the year group either side of it as a matter of parental choice.
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RandomMess · 29/11/2021 21:50

As a parent to 3 summer born DDs I would defer. I know so many teachers that palmed their babies to be due in Autumn term so they have that advantage.

happytoday73 · 29/11/2021 21:51

I thought teachers did autumn babies so could return to work just before summer holidays so back on full pay

Shortpoet · 29/11/2021 21:52

Just check what happens which year she would go into if she delayed starting. Some authorities don’t place in reception and put them in with their peers straight into Y1 (without having had the benefit of reception).

Hercisback · 29/11/2021 21:55

All this will do (eventually) is create a new issue with spring borns as all summer borns will defer.

But for now with your own child, only you can decide.

I'd say school and see. Means she's never the odd one in a year group with a different birthday. Eg everyone else is 5 that year but she's 6. Also saves any faff with transfer to secondary.

happytoday73 · 29/11/2021 21:55

OP.. Apply as normal and defer if needed. If your DD is at nursery speak to them about how they currently think she will cope. Might be totally different by Sept... But they will have a hood idea if will struggle or thrive.
Sons practical things to consider.. It can be problematic if grammer schools later, sports, scouts and many other clubs will require them to be in their actual age group not with their friends in lower year... Ie my child is very late Aug (as was early) but although can defer to lower school year he can't play in year below

Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 21:56

@happytoday73

I thought teachers did autumn babies so could return to work just before summer holidays so back on full pay
Nah, summer born babies are best for that. I've got one summer and one autumn- with the summer born I was off the full twelve months, technically started back just before the summer holidays and essentially got six free weeks of mat leave. Autumn born I got less than 12 months because I was back at work for the start of the autumn term and he wasn't even one yet at that point.
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WaitinginVain · 29/11/2021 21:56

I sent my youngest, also summer-born, to school at 3 but part-time hours. I used to collect him before lunch. He was the only one in the year to do it and it was great for him. They used to tell me about all the things he was missing out on but he's now 9 and has always been very sociable, popular and above age related expectations academically, so I definitely don't think it did him any harm.

I don't know if this is something you could consider if your own situation would allow in relation to work/childcare?
All of my 3 are summer-born and started school at different times but this was the one that worked best I think.

happytoday73 · 29/11/2021 21:57

Argh.. Good not Hood, some not sons.. 🤣

Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 22:01

I don't know if this is something you could consider if your own situation would allow in relation to work/childcare?

Our locals school doesn't take them before 4.

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womaninatightspot · 29/11/2021 22:03

It is much more common in Scotland. At our school it's very much parental choice if you're in the Nov-Feb window (cut off March). In our school everyone seems to defer so you feel like you have to as well. I did with my middle child as he'd of been in a class with children more than a year older than him. Academically able but socially lacking at the time. I don't regret it. Generally people regret not deferring more than those who deferred.

Bakingwithmyboys · 29/11/2021 22:12

This is such a difficult and personal thing to do.
DS2 is end of August so not long turned 3. He started at nursery in September doing 5 mornings. It took him a long time to settle but he has. I do worry about things like, he can't yet dress himself independently and we only have until sept to sort this but on the whole is quite able and verbal. His brother on the other hand is an October baby so one of the oldest and could have almost gone a year earlier.

I won't be deferring him as he needs the stimulus.

On the other side, I teach at a junior school and could not tell you who in the class is summer born and who isn't. Sometimes when I find out, I think it may explain a few things but it's so individual. I've even had a class with 2 children who's birthdays were the 31st August. One was at the top of the class/football team/friendships. The other was at the bottom.

As another PP has said there is the fact that a delayed start can currently mean they miss out on reception which would be a big thing.

It's a hard decision, but unless there is a real reason such as speech delay/learning delay/other need, I wouldn't defer but that's my opinion.

RandomMess · 29/11/2021 22:16

I would only defer if they still went into reception and remained with that cohort for their rest of their academic years.

Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 22:19

@RandomMess

I would only defer if they still went into reception and remained with that cohort for their rest of their academic years.
Well that's the idea. I'd have to get it agreed by the head and local authority pronto though.
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gogohm · 29/11/2021 22:19

Do you think at 16 or 18 they will be happy they were held back? I'm August born and I would have really hated if my parents had delayed me going to college and university

KeyErro · 29/11/2021 22:19

Just send her. If she has no additional needs, and you're right that she's academically capable she would be so so bored being stuck in the year below.

Ginflinger · 29/11/2021 22:24

OP, when I was making this decision, the best advice I got was that you need to listen to the evidence, rather than anecdotal, personal "my child was fine/my child struggled" stories here on MN. There is an excellent Facebook group which can help with that.

It's a very difficult decision and I don't envy you one bit. Best of luck to you and your DD.

Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 22:27

@Ginflinger

OP, when I was making this decision, the best advice I got was that you need to listen to the evidence, rather than anecdotal, personal "my child was fine/my child struggled" stories here on MN. There is an excellent Facebook group which can help with that.

It's a very difficult decision and I don't envy you one bit. Best of luck to you and your DD.

What did you decide?
OP posts:
Findahouse21 · 29/11/2021 22:27

I think it depends on having a good school who will put her in the right year group but also a good nursery who will support her. My dd was bored shitless at nursery by 4 so personally I'd need to feel very confident that the nursery could support her in staying engaged in learning for thag additional year rather than just letting her drift along which is what ours did (dd was old in her year and reasonably able and they were a very new nursery, the combination of all 3 was not good for us)

Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 22:29

@gogohm

Do you think at 16 or 18 they will be happy they were held back? I'm August born and I would have really hated if my parents had delayed me going to college and university
It's very hard to tell. They'd be the first to get to all the milestones in their peer group, so would have the issue the September borns have of no one being able to go out drinking with them on birthdays etc, but wouldn't have the problem of being the only one who can't drink throughout the year, missing out. One of the first to be able to take driving lessons Vs one of the last. Swings and roundabouts.
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Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 22:30

@KeyErro

Just send her. If she has no additional needs, and you're right that she's academically capable she would be so so bored being stuck in the year below.
I'm not convinced by that argument, just because the September borns I know are not bored/unchallenged, and she'd only be slightly older than them.
OP posts:
Original poster
ThirdElephant · 29/11/2021 22:32

@Findahouse21

I think it depends on having a good school who will put her in the right year group but also a good nursery who will support her. My dd was bored shitless at nursery by 4 so personally I'd need to feel very confident that the nursery could support her in staying engaged in learning for thag additional year rather than just letting her drift along which is what ours did (dd was old in her year and reasonably able and they were a very new nursery, the combination of all 3 was not good for us)
She goes to a playgroup and it's basically just about fun from what I gather. I'm more concerned with her social skills and emotional capacity than anything.
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Elpheba · 29/11/2021 22:33

I’m deferring my DC. June born, no additional needs- I just think we rush into formal education in this country and although most cope with Reception, year 1 can be much harder.

Although I worry sometimes about it being against the norm I agree with the pp that said to stick to the evidence rather than the anecdata. People can take it personally, especially if they had a summer born themselves and feel like you’re implying they didn’t do the best they could for their DC. All the evidence I’ve seen suggests that it doesn’t harm to defer and that extra year to grow and mature before formal education can help prevent various issues down the line.