So parent's evening yet again and I can tell that the teacher is not keen on dd and she is STILL not making any effort

[foxinsocks]

at all. Sigh.

Poor dd. All she really wants to do is be left alone and read books.

But of course, yr 3 is a bit more than that.

They made them all do some sort of NFER test (I have no idea what this means) and she did very well but is plummeting down through the streams and the teacher feels the work she does at school is in no way an indication of the level of work she could be doing.

And err that's it.

We've got extra work to do at home but I'm at a loss really. I just don't know how to encourage her.

and I could feel the teacher's frustration.

Exactly the same here my twins are in year 3. On eis doing well, the other who is very bright for her age and is very capable is losing all enthusiasm for school and her teacher has not really been helping much.
We can't figure out why she is suddenly like this when in year 1 and 2 she was so happy and enthusiastic.
Not a help I know but wanted to say your not alone x

I don't know , but she's only year 3, if she loves reading thats wonderful.

Same her about teachers frustration, she actually said 'I just want to shake her'

Oh god

I have no idea whatsoever what the best thing to do is but wanted to say how miserable, and offer support

As I understand it NFER tests measure your child's potential and then this can be correlated to their achievements. If the two do not match, or the achievemens begin to fall off but the potential remains high it should start alarm bells ringing.

If your dd is not working to her ability surely that is mainly an issue fro the teacher - you can only motivate her so much. i would go on the offensive and ask the school what tye intend to do to enable your dd to realise her potential

for you that you feel her teacher is not interested - that must be so upsetting and frustrating. CAn you talk to head of Juniors or someone else about your dd?

thanks everyone

I must admit, I did feel a bit but I was expecting it.

I thought that about the teacher but I guess, in a class of 30, if you know a child COULD work but is choosing not to (which is what she obviously thinks) then it must be hard to find the effort to focus on that one child when you have others who are working but need extra input.

Thing is, I think dd has figured out the system. The less she does, the easier work she is given and then she can cruise and she's now stuck on cruise control and doesn't want to come out of it. They said with her writing (which is the main issue), she is not even bothering to do capitals or any punctuation (let alone the fact that she still doesn't form all her letters properly).

It's hard to know what to do really.

And yet I have a ds who is so self motivated, he just gets on with it!

What do you think is going on?

I must admit, I do think it's quite acceptable to not fulfil your potential day in, day out - I don't Also think it's okay to coast along at school.

Do you think she isn't able to get down on paper what she is capable of verbally, and so appears to not be trying very hard.

or

Do you think she isn't motivated /interested in schoolwork?

I don't know but with all the pressure they are under at so early an age, I sometimes wonder if it isn't a kind of burn-out. How does she manage socially at school?

I think the writing is one thing - I think she genuinely battles with it. It isn't getting better quickly though she has made some progress.

Having said that, the extra work she's been given is all to do with correct letter formation (starting with 'c' which makes me think her writing has actually got worse!).

Everything else (like maths), she doesn't make the effort. They introduce something new and before she's even had a chance to think about it, she's saying she doesn't understand it and pissing about.

Socially, she's fine. Would quite like to view school as one huge big social experiment where she spends her time between reading in the library and playing in the fields I think!

Also some children who find handwriting hard - like my ds2 - do adopt low risk strategies of not trying because everyone moans about their handwriting, and it's not worth it, frankly. Sometimes too, they pick up on the idea that people don't think what they're doing is very good so they then think, 'No, I'm no good, so I won't try.'

He'd rather read all day too.

Does that make sense?

Sorry x-posted. Have to go and shout at ds1 for a bit - this is our nightly bedtime routine. We both enjoy it immensely.

Will think about this and return.

yes, perfect sense.

I veer between thinking that's her strategy and thinking that she is plain, bone idle lazy.

I do think she sees school as a place to have fun and muck about (which it should be of course, to some extent) rather than a place to learn anything.

I've always had these concerns about her. The teachers have almost always said the same things. It just worries me that, so far, dh and I have adopted a 'keep an eye on it' strategy and thought she might grow out of it but the higher up the school it gets, the more frustrated the teachers are getting and the more obvious it is that she is really not working at the level she should be.

I don't know. I'm half tempted just to leave it but I do think we need to do something at some point. Maybe yr3 is still too early?

Oh dear, would this be the Gladys homework young lady fox?
I would say you need to find a strategy to help her focus this year, because IMO it gets a whole lot more pressured in Yr 4. We have really noticed this, and are awaiting Parents' Evening with some trepidation for the first time ever.
The school should be giving you some more guided strategies for helping her attitudinally as well as with the specific writing issues.
It's great that she's happy and I think this is an often overlooked vital factor in primary schooling. But that alone isn't going to see her right in Upper School...

yes, that's what worries me . I am also concerned that she is really missing out on work now. I was speaking to one of her friend's mums the other day and she was saying how hard the homework was.

And I then realised that dd is getting given different homework at a level she could have done when she was in reception/yr1 (so spellings like 'hear' when she's perfectly capable of spelling tricky and long words).

Last year's teacher was lovely and did come up with some strategies but in the end, we all came to the conclusion that none of us could MAKE her do work that she doesn't want to do. And even if I stood over her and made her do it, when I'm not around (like at school), she simply reverts to type.

You're right, I need a strategy. Hmmmm.

oh and she has never seen me before so spent the first couple of minutes talking about another child in the class who is 'lovely and a delight to teach' and then I interrupted and said, err no, I'm dd's mum and she said 'oooooh you don't look like her one bit. Right. Of course, she is lovely and a delight to teach too' in a tone of voice that just SCREAMED omg your child is a PITA!

LOL. Sorry, but that is very funny.

There should be a Parents Evening Support Service on MN. I had a mare of a time on Tuesday.

Right, strategies. Hmm. I wish though that we could firmly rule out any kind of Spld before we crack down on her with our whips and shouting. I don't mean to be alarmist, but it is a thought isn't it?

Surely if there's a big gap between her potential and her actual ability, and she's being given easier and easier work, something might be up above and beyond being lazy?

Foxinsocks, I am wondering if the teacher has the correct expectation of your dd. Sounds like she is just exasperated by it all and letting your dd get away with it. If the teacher knows she is capable of more then she should be letting her know what she is expecting of her. If everyone raises their attitude towards her perhaps she might sit up and take notice?

Oh dear Fox, sorry you had a frustrating parents evening and the teacher isn't too interested.

What does you dd say about it? Is she aware of it all? Is she aware of friends overtaking?

I think dd may come across like this soon. Apparently the staff at Rainbows were laughing at dd and saying she's so vague, she spends a lot of time staring into space. And today, dd confirmed this, by telling me that when the teacher talks she just can't listen as she prefers thinking, so she thinks and thinks until the teacher says 'dd1, stop staring into space and listen!'

oh I'm sorry ahundred. Tis horrid all this lark. What happened at yours? Is it your middle one too? Perhaps we could send them off together to the Land where Writing is Not Important (but you get to read all the time)?

you see I think that aintnomountainhighenough - that's exactly what dh and I thought. Don't put her down, put her back up and TELL her to get on with it. Ignore all her fussing and complaining because she can do the work, she's just trying it on. She is very like that at home - despite her being 7 years old, she will try it on with us even though she knows she's not going to get anywhere. She's that sort of child - I suppose you'd say challenging I guess .

I think they feel they've tried that and she was disruptive because she didn't do the work and created a fuss and in a class of 30, that's just not going to work.

Maybe I should get her assessed properly.

I think I'll speak to her. We'll give the writing one last push to the end of this term - and if there's been no improvement and she's still sliding down, I'll arrange for someone to assess her and come up with strategies because clearly, we're not doing this right!

thing is, I'm painting a negative picture but she's adorable dd. I love her company and she's great to be around! Really eloquent and funny.

aah boco, I sympathise with your dd. It's much more fun daydreaming!

Oh no you're not, we are swooning at her marvellousness. I am admiring her nerve TREMENDOUSLY.

Perhaps she'll just crack on when she feels like it, and not before. Only get her assessed as something to rule out I suppose, and if things don't improve they might come up with something helpful - early intervention being good.

Gawd, I must stop telling people to send their children off to ed psychs. I should be one, the amount of tarting I do for their trade.

Mine was awful. I cried - but afterwards, thank god. I have already moaned about it somewhere else, I couldn't possibly go on about it now, I'd have to kill myself.

Did you cry at the ed psych or the parents evening 100x?

oh NO. We can't have you killing yourself. Would make an awful mess on the keyboard. Sorry it made you cry . Do you feel better now?

It is very hard hearing criticism of your own children. I always think it will be OK but it never is.

And Boco, dd couldn't care too hoots about what group she is in. In fact, she seems to think bottom group would be brilliant because then she'd get even less work and it would be really easy and she could get on with the important business of reaching the end of Polly Longstocking.

ahundred, I'm not very good at searching. Give me a precis.

Oh sorry, the parents evening, well, after the parents evening. But not in a terrible snotty, uncontrolled way, more a quiet and exasperated tear on the drive home.