My reception child is in tears

[Bashfulbanana42]

I just dispair. I understand that my child is 5 and the key is not to worry or force them to work. She is bottom of the class in many ways though so I really want reading to continue. She's well behaved but wasn't quite ready for school work when she started in september. It was abit of a disappointing first parents evening. The second one was slightly better though and I felt more encouraged that we could get her more alert and concentrating before year one.

Then Corona happened. I have been the most relaxed parent. No pressure on her. The first week we sat at the table and did bits and bobs. Max of 45 minutes a day. It was mainly colouring and crafts. I got her new crayons and pens and paper. The odd bit of counting and reading we did too.

The school sent 32 pages to us on Friday for a week. Quite fun work sheets like counting the apples in a barrel. Sorting insects (she loved this) filling in the missing numbers. Drawing beads on a string. They also sent us some phonics sounds they want us to learn.

Ive only asked her three times this week to sit for 30 minutes max when her brothers napping. I want to do nice things like colour, count and talk about insects etc which is this terms topic. But she just isn't concentrating. When she did the bead activity. She was drawing one bead so huge that there was no room for anymore. Or she would carry on drawing circles after she had the correct amount. I was gently suggesting she did smaller circles but she was eye rolling.

She was getting all stressed out and writing her letters wrong. then she was staring at the ceiling when I was pointing and showing her what to do.

I tried to write some oa words to learn. We talked about oa being an o sound. I wrote toad, road and load for her to sound out. She just wouldn't sound it out right. I then told her I only wanted her to do a very small bit of work each day and the rest she was free to do whatever she liked. She started crying. So I put the stuff away and said I was disappointed she wasn't trying. I told her she's not watching Tele this afternoon but can do anything else. She's laid on the sofa sulking.

I really am trying here. She struggles as it is and I know that if she keeps up with reading and counting she will be ok. But I fear she's going to get further behind while the confident smarter kids soak it all in. I am already trying to do the minimum and keeping most of it arty and fun. We will have another load of work tomorrow for next week and I already want to cry.

Is anyone else struggling.

I'm not a pushy parent but ofcourse I want to keep her up to date the best I can with reading etc.

Despair

Honestly, Take your own advice - the key is not to worry and relax. She's five, with years ahead of her to learn. In many countries kids wouldn't even be at school yet. Read to her, watch interesting programmes together, draw, do crafts. You don't want her to end up hating learning.

She and you will be fine

Have you tried making a game of it. When the baby goes for a nap, say lets play school.
Let her teach you it first. Go along with her telling you how many beads to draw etc. Then you get your turn.
I'd do lots of story time with her and not worry too much. Do it all in very short bites, 10 or 15 minutes might be as much as she can cope with right now.

My little boy is similar, he definitely does much better in a school/structured environment.

I have made flash cards, with the different sounds he needs to learn, and have seen some progress with him.

Each time i suggest school work he usually screams no, but i am subtle getting it in other ways.

For example the other day i put 2 cheerios on a kebab stick, added 2 and asked what that would be, then 2 more and 2 more, so a very mild way of doing the 2 x table.

Reading is a nightmare but we are reading to him to lots.

We do what we can and hope for the best x

I am so glad to read this my 5 year old struggles with concentration anyway and possible ASD I get him to do some work for about half an hour at a time and it's crying and saying he can't or just stares off into space, I've been so worried he's going to be way behind it's good to know he's not the only one sitting all day being perfect

Even if you’re only trying to do a bit, it seems like that’s too much. Just start playing and reading together instead. She’ll learn loads from you, even if it’s not necessarily the stuff school are expecting.

Don’t forget, she’s not used to concentrating like that at home, or having you as her “teacher”. It’s completely new. I don’t really like that you told her off for that and being punished by having the tv taken away is a bit harsh. Lots of adults (myself included) are finding it hard to work at home.

She was getting all stressed out and writing her letters wrong. then she was staring at the ceiling when I was pointing and showing her what to do.

This sounds like she is picking up on you being stressed about her learning.

Can you email what you’ve said here to her teacher? I bet they’ll tell you not to worry.

Just stick to fun learning you tube videos for now perhaps? It'll soak in until she's ready to get more involved!!

I'm going to go against the grain and say instil and insist in work every day. Have three children and my eldest struggled so much but the school gave him stuff every day. Either reading or letter sheet etc. He got into a great habit and now I'm so grateful.

At that age obviously not tons but my 5 yr old does about a few simple sheets a day including maths and reads a book. But she hates writing so we say 3 sentences and that's all.

Don't be so hard on her and telling her you're disappointed in her isn't going to make her feel any better or want her to join in with the work when you get it out, maybe look online for some learning games so it's fun for her and still educational

Have you got board games in the house, or a pack of cards to sort or play snap or pairs with? They build attention well with little ones without it feeling like work, honestly try playing those with her and see if she can last through other people's turns and multiple goes with her eyes and mind on what she's doing. Simon says word games are also good attention/listening builders. It's seeing if she has the attention skills there when she's interested and motivated to in a sitting down game, and whether she's learned that reading/phonics stuff is boring and to start escape behaviours asap.

Sorry posted before I finished. But learning can be done in other ways, for example we made cakes but she wrote out all the ingredients. She wanted a magazine so she emptied her piggy bank and tried to count the coins.

I also say no screen time if they can't make an effort with work.

she is bottom of the class in many ways

How do you know this - has somebody told you? That's such a horrible expression. It takes me back to when I was at school in the 60s and there would be a list of pupils' achievements up on the wall ranked from top to bottom

I woudn't worry about it at all. I have some pupils who do every single task I set, others who haven't even joined our online classroom yet I'm sure they will all be fine when we eventually return to school.

Personally I wouldn't be relaxing - its a big red flag that shes bottom of the class..... I presume as shes already 5 she isn't young in the year?

If so you need to find some alternate ways of teaching her - there are lots of tablet apps that do maths or puzzles or things like that...

Alphablocks and the Jolly Phonics app are great for teaching sounds. There are lots of tricky words songs on youtube. Numberblocks is great for counting. Could you try doing counting objects rather than writing? Lego blocks is good. Practice writing with chalk, or paint brushes dipped into water on the pavement or patio or external walls if you have access to outside space.

I wouldn't have a clue where my child is in the class. Is she in private school?

Oh bless you! It’s hard, isn’t it?
How approachable is her teacher? As a PP suggested, I’d message or email them and see if they have any suggestions or things they use to motivate her at school.

I got cross with my 7 year old yesterday because she kept guessing unfamiliar words in her reader instead of trying to sound them out. I’m not a teacher but I do some volunteering in another school doing reading support with similar aged children who are struggling, and with them I have infinite patience! But with DD my own anxiety about her being behind with her reading creeps in and so does the frustration.

My ds loved the Starfall Learn to Read website - was free. It was phonics - lots of fun - you can do a quick little session, like 10 minutes, with her, reading the little stories or watching videos about phonemes. It was very American but still worked.

Maybe have a look at Reading Eggs? It teaches them to read through playing games with lots of repetition. You can usually get a free trial to see if she takes to it.

I’m really not sure of the point of saying in other countries they aren’t in school yet, she’s not in those countries and the Op is worried she’s falling behind her peers, not how she’s doing in comparison to kids in other countries,

I’m usually rhe first to stand up for kids, but in this she’s being wilfully disobedient. It’s not she is trying and can’t, she’s refusing to look at you, deliberate doing it wrong, ignoring you and staring at the ceiling.

So like any other wilful disobedience I would loose a privilege like you and reward what she does do.

All this she’s not ready bullshit is just that, bullshit. She’s at home with her mum and refusing to do as her mother asks

There are some good games on the cbeebies app as well

You need to relax. Of course she's not going to get it right all of the time.

According to DD's teacher at last parent evening, she was confident that DD would be "exceeding expectations" across the board by the end of the year (this whole, "top of the class" "bottom of the class" thing is awful and I really hope those are your words and not the school's and that you've never said this to your DD). However, if she was asked to draw beads on a string, I can assure you some beads would be huge, some small. She'd land up with beads no ton the string at all etc etc.

Did they send phonics worksheets? If they want her to learn oa sound, our school would send a worksheet. A few words to try reading. A few pictures of words with an oa sound for the children to say and colour. Perhaps a sentence to draw a picture for. then finally the children would be asked to write some of the oa words.

If I wrote "oa" sounds and expected her to just parrot them back, she'd probably do it, but it would be deadly boring for her and me.

At this age, every time they are drawing or counting or whatever they're learning. Telling her you're disappointed and expecting her to learn in a formal environment, even if it' just for 45 minutes, is pointless. Ditto, expecting her to do anything perfectly as you would is ridiculous.

Dont do work sheets. Decorate sentences or short rhymes..ie cat sat on the mat could have curly tail and a fluffy carpet under thevsentence. Recite fun poems (lots online) for phonic sounds. Fine motorskills could be sewing, sticking or threading, or barbie clothes! She sounds as if she is having problems with concentrating and fine motorskills. So you need to think out of the box and start doing things which are not frustrating her and turning her off learning. Worksheets can be all wrong for some children. In a classroom they do far more than worksheets, at home you can do even more of that collaborative stuff, use your other children too! Maybe she can read them a silly story or think of a game/activity for them. It is all learning language and fine motorskills.

Start with a favourite book, then design activities around that. Ie lighthousekeepers lunch. Or dont forget the bacon. Numeracy, art, nature, history, geography, nutrition, punctuation! you can usually find a lot to do in one quality children"s picture book.

If she's not ready to learn the things that you're teaching (or school is sending) then it's going to be very stressful for you both. Stressed children can't learn, stressed parents can't teach.

What does she like? Being read to? Colouring? Jumping around? Look at done resources for nursery age children if reception work is too challenging. All children are different and go at their own pace. I have 3DC, and the oldest is not the most advanced in academic terms. He's just about to start secondary, but is more year 5 level in most subjects. That's just him. And not amount of too difficult work will help. What helped was taking a step back, teaching things he could grasp, and letting him progress in his own way at his own pace. He has learned so much more that way.

He may "catch up" or he may not. But at least he's now happy and goes to school willingly (or did...). There's more to life than getting straight As.

And for the record, I think Bluntness is entirely wrong about wilful disobedience. You.will get nowhere forcing this. Try housework activities if you are feeling she is spoiled...it is all about reinforcing cooperation not forcing someone to do something which is actually unnecessary and unhelpful..fgs