My reception child is in tears

[Bashfulbanana42]

I just dispair. I understand that my child is 5 and the key is not to worry or force them to work. She is bottom of the class in many ways though so I really want reading to continue. She's well behaved but wasn't quite ready for school work when she started in september. It was abit of a disappointing first parents evening. The second one was slightly better though and I felt more encouraged that we could get her more alert and concentrating before year one.

Then Corona happened. I have been the most relaxed parent. No pressure on her. The first week we sat at the table and did bits and bobs. Max of 45 minutes a day. It was mainly colouring and crafts. I got her new crayons and pens and paper. The odd bit of counting and reading we did too.

The school sent 32 pages to us on Friday for a week. Quite fun work sheets like counting the apples in a barrel. Sorting insects (she loved this) filling in the missing numbers. Drawing beads on a string. They also sent us some phonics sounds they want us to learn.

Ive only asked her three times this week to sit for 30 minutes max when her brothers napping. I want to do nice things like colour, count and talk about insects etc which is this terms topic. But she just isn't concentrating. When she did the bead activity. She was drawing one bead so huge that there was no room for anymore. Or she would carry on drawing circles after she had the correct amount. I was gently suggesting she did smaller circles but she was eye rolling.

She was getting all stressed out and writing her letters wrong. then she was staring at the ceiling when I was pointing and showing her what to do.

I tried to write some oa words to learn. We talked about oa being an o sound. I wrote toad, road and load for her to sound out. She just wouldn't sound it out right. I then told her I only wanted her to do a very small bit of work each day and the rest she was free to do whatever she liked. She started crying. So I put the stuff away and said I was disappointed she wasn't trying. I told her she's not watching Tele this afternoon but can do anything else. She's laid on the sofa sulking.

I really am trying here. She struggles as it is and I know that if she keeps up with reading and counting she will be ok. But I fear she's going to get further behind while the confident smarter kids soak it all in. I am already trying to do the minimum and keeping most of it arty and fun. We will have another load of work tomorrow for next week and I already want to cry.

Is anyone else struggling.

I'm not a pushy parent but ofcourse I want to keep her up to date the best I can with reading etc.

Ah well then Theworld even more reason that I am going to take great encouragement from your post. My little guy is end of August, it’s always been a struggle. But he really likes his friends, at least.

Half an hour is too long, break it into tiny pieces.. Their attention span is their age plus 1 so she can concentrate for a max of 6 minutes at a time on one activity.

Twinkl has dome great phonics games such as 'read and roll', 'snakes and ladders' etc. I would introduce a phonics sound using a youtube video, practising writing the sound then practice reading the sound via a game such as read and roll. Keep each activity short and snappy.

You are both trying your best OP.

Let your child's teacher know what is happening.

Do the practical activities already mentioned.

Look at the Oak National Academy programmes - they are far more engaging than worksheets and it is the teacher on the video telling the child what to do, rather than you. You will see that the format is the child listens for a few minutes, then pauses the video and does a short activity (repeat the sound to your teddy bear, write the letter, draw something). The one I looked at was focussing on "m", so more pitched a bit lower and more likely that your DD will feel successful. If one of the activities really engages her go with it and abandon the video - she's still learning.

If she still doesn't know oa etc. when she returns, her teacher will catch her up and she will more secure in the work already covered in school (and hopefully have a better attitude to learning and a sane parent).

If she wasn't ready to learn anything in September, it's a big jump to learning the oa diagraph in April. Sing the Jolly Phonics songs, sound out phonemes, recognise letters.

Oh I had one the same OP! Feel your pain.
The only thing that worked was making everything a game, but this was not always possible.

If counting (for example) is the skill the school would like practising then it will still achieve the same aim if you ask her to count her teddies/potatoes for tea/plates for the table etc. She will still be doing the same skill but in a more playful way. Or with writing - could she write a short shopping list for you or a register for her toys? These are more the kind of things she would be doing in an EY classroom anyway.

Hope things improve for you - have been there myself so really understand your frustration!

Sympathy here as my 4 year old (youngest in his class) has been pretty resistant. What we have found helps are the following:

1. Max of 15 minutes for each activity. School asks us to do 15 mins reading, 20 mins each of maths and writing, a phonics video, and another activity. We manage this over the morning with breaks, and usually some drawing/painting/baking early afternoon. There is no way mine would manage 30 mins in one go.

2. Feedback from the teacher! Ours asks (in a no-pressure way) to see pictures of work and we pass on her positive feedback - “Miss X thought your writing was brilliant yesterday, you did a great job! Miss X loved your painting!”.

3. We also remind him that Miss X has asked everyone to do the activity in question and that she will be disappointed if it isn’t done and he doesn’t try, as well as that all his friends will be doing said activity.... (this may not be recommended but it works).

We are taking the view that we don’t want him to lose skills rather than that we expect him to improve - if that happens, it’s a bonus! He is also very young - but as he is in school, we need to try to maintain his skills.

We find Read Write Inc phonics videos on YouTube to be good, as this is what DS’s school has recommended and it’s a style he’s used to.

Basically for each activity - think what skill she is being asked to practise and incorporate that into her play/daily life.

Hand and arm strength is really important at that age so picking up things with tweezers, play dough, squeezing out flannels in the bath, small world play, bat and ball play, sweeping (great for arm strength) etc. will all help build up hand and arm muscles and therefore stamina for writing.

Sorry one more thing - my DD was reluctant to write but would happily chalk all over the drive and paving stones all day long. Might be worth a try if you have chalk.

There is a reason Teachers are trained to do their jobs. Parents cant always get children to "do work" for them as they are "Mum" or "Dad"to them! 32 pages seems a lot for a 5 year old in Reception class to me .I would Email her teacher and see what she says .Pushing a child hard when she is already bewildered, and missing friends and the routine of School wont really help her in the long run! All children learn at different paces and she will catch up in the end .I say this as a retired Nursery School Teacher!

Does your child like screen time? Reading Eggs and Mathseeds are excellent, and engaging. My daughter was really struggling - the difference was unbelievable within 6 months of buying the package. By the end of a year she’d gained 18 months in reading, and oodles of confidence. I can not recommend it enough

REad to her lots. Do counting games, do you have out side space to draw a hop scotch, do a number hunt in the garden.
Keep it fun. Say we will do this activity then you can wacth your TV, or play your game.
Follow advice from school but little at a tie, eg activity am 1 pm. If upset/not engaging/ stressed move on.

What I learnt when dd was little was that young children tend to specialise in certain areas rather than learn everything all at once. This can be physically or academically btw. As a result, the difference academically between children’s learning ability varies wildly at this age. This is due to brain development and a child cannot learn something until their brain is ready. This continues into the teen years but gets less pronounced he by then has evened out to a greater extent. Thus you will see the biggest differences between children in YR and far less by the end of primary school.

To give you an example, my dd was stuck learning 2, 5 and 10 times tables for months and months at the end of yr2. Then in yr3, she learnt loads and by the end of yr4 she knew them all to 12 backwards.

The children will be learning phonics next year as well. Your dd really doesn’t have to get everything now and that goes for all subjects. I remember when we used to get dds school books back, there were a lot of concepts she didn’t get. So don’t despair, you’re a clued up mum and your dd will learn when she’s ready as mine did. She’s also the end of the year.

As for what your dd is doing, she didn’t do what she was supposed to do. She was experimenting and that is a different type of learning in itself. What you will find is one day this sort of task will just click. It is far more important as many have said that you instil an inquisitive mind and a love of learning.

It will not make any difference in the long run if you do literally nothing now. Honestly. The comments about formal schooling age in other countries are highly relevant. Plant-based learning is fine just now.

Or play-based, even.

My 4 year old who starts school this September gets on really well with Reading Eggs and Maths Seeds. He enjoys the phonic sounds and seems to love getting certificates etc so is pretty much taking himself forward through levels of Reading Eggs and is on level 50 with it - does that sound like an idea if you have an old iPad lying somewhere? We got the annual subscription and 4 year old thinks it is all game when he gets to go on it and his Reading has come on wonderfully. Then we read random things like cartons, labels, countries on the globe, nappy packs for DDs baby nappies - anything really! And lots of fun stuff off twinkl.com. Have you looked at twinkl? They have plenty on beasts and insects etc.

Has anyone suggested the 5 minute mum book? It's written by a mum who used to work as a TA. My dd is only 2 so a lot of the ideas aren't suitable for her but it's jam packed full of ideas for quick games to play that will help them learn phonics and counting while they play! Would def recommend. She has a website too fiveminutemum.com

You know my DD was like this in recption, going into year 1 was hard for her and really didn't pick up reading until towards the end of year 2. I was worried about her as I'm dyslexic, but she did get it and picked it up evetautaly. She's year 8 now and doing really well, looking at mainly 6-7's and one or 2 8's (mainly A's and B's in old money).

So what I'm saying is don't panic about it just yet, relax she's only 5 and will pick up on your stress. You need to be aiming to do no more then 30 minutes sit down learning a day and really in 10 minute blocks. Lots of learning through play, is done in recption very little carpet time. I've volunteered in recption trust me some of them can't sit still for 2 minutes so she's not actually doing that bad.

Even in year 4 my DS only needs to be doing 2 1/2 hours a day actual learning. He's more then done by then. DD in year 8 is oviusly doing a lot more.

My DD isn't 5 til June but we had some similar issues starting off. We are in a much better place though.

I think I was pushing her a bit hard and she lost confidence but I also think it was because she couldn't really be bothered to try with mummy! We made a sticker chart together and she gets a sticker a day for doing her school work and then another for reading, if she gets all her stickers for the week she gets a treat.

I would stick at it, but keep sessions short, easy, fun and in a routine so she knows when it's coming. Personally I don't think it's the best idea to rely on apps etc. There are loads of games you can play that aren't online.

Last thing is stay relaxed/cheerful.

Good luck!

She s five. Relax. Dont tell her you are disappointed. Dont be disappointed. She isnt used to you as teacher. If she draws large bead it s fine.
Try other materials like bite size or
www.thenational.academy/
And start with stuff for year below to make it fun and easy and to get in the rhythm and do max 5 mins then break to start. Use a kitchen timer. 5 minutes "work" 5 to chill. Then increase slowly

I’d also say just relax. I have a 5 year old too and some days trying to get her to engage in schoolwork is impossible. Some days she will happily sit and write, other days it is a battle of wills.

If she’s in one of those moods, I take the ‘structure’ out a little and suggest things like making Nanny a card. I ask her to make it and decorate it and then write it too. Another favourite is drawing pictures of the dogs. We have also done spring flowers.

Today she really wasn’t in a learning mood. I think she’s overtired, so I read a few stories to her and then we went to look for wild flowers and butterflies. Yes she hasn’t done anything on paper but she’s still leaning imo.

A few months ago I was really hung up on the fact that she wouldn’t do ‘homework’ or read. The teacher told me not to push it and to read to her and make it fun. Sometimes I’ll read and ask her to read the odd (easy) word. She feels less under pressure as she’s not expected to read a whole page/book and also feels proud that she’s being like mummy and reading.

I also think that a lot of parents will be in the same boat, especially reception parents, and when they go back to school I’m sure they will all be pretty much at the same standard.

Oh sorry for the long reply! In short, relax the pressure you’re putting on yourself and enjoy being with her x

Just like what lots of other posters have said, take the pressure off, this is a hard time for everybody children included and you cannot underestimate how much a change in routine affects young children. The most important thing is adapting to this new way of learning together and nurturing your child's mental well being, confidence and security. Find things you enjoy together loads of great ideas already mentioned, so you both get used to the new teacher/learner relationship. I say this as an enthusiastic early years teacher , most of us early years teachers just hope that the children are getting lots of happy adult interactions and making the most of this extra family time together. And for the record counting in 10s is most definitely a year 1 objective so scrap that and with the phonics stick to single letter sounds to build up her confidence and consolidate what she already knows. Like another poster said it's a good idea just to aim to keep what skills she has got going and not to expect her to make leaps in progress. They all progress at different rates and it does sound like you are in quite a high achieving school perhaps. And 80% of learning at this age should NOT be paper based! That really grinds my gears! Also check out dough disco on YouTube and make your own playdough it's a firm favourite.

You say she loves stories. Theme some activities around that. Counting out bears/chairs/bowls for porridge etc etc. The possibilities are endless through play.

You say she loves stories. Theme some activities around that. Counting out bears/chairs/bowls for porridge etc etc. The possibilities are endless through play.

What the others have said - look at the worksheets and try to incorporate the concepts in play. If you are doing play doh ask her to make 6 sausages. Talk about numbers, make deliberate mistakes and praise her for correcting you. People always say get them to help with baking, but this is a lot of faff unless you are both in the mood. However mealtimes and play both give you endless possibilities to talk about quantities, simple addition and subtraction etc. Talk about how many slices of tomato she wants, how many more cups you need to get out. Get her to teach you stuff. If you do a puzzle together, take turns to pose each other questions - how many trees are there? Can you find the red car? Which is bigger, the cat or the dog? If she is resisting writing then put some flour or sugar in a deep tray and get her to draw the letters with her finger.

Also it night be that her sibling's naptime is the worst possible time to do school work, from her point of view. She has this precious half an hour a day when she gets you all to herself, and instead of playing with you, she has to do "work" while the baby just gets to sleep. Not fair! Whereas if you give them both the playdough or flour to play with, or give them paintbrushes and water to paint the fence, you can sneak in a bit of letters and numbers with her while still more or less treating her the same as her sibling. Since she likes stories, how about her decorating a big cardboard box to be a building from one of her stories, or decorate the inside of one with scenes from it.

I am half expecting you to say you are doing most of this stuff already. Genuinely, having you with a 2:1 ratio is a fantastic educational opportunity for her and her progress is not defined by how many worksheets she ploughs through.

Do also talk to her teacher. If you don't provide feedback, they will tend to assume it's all going ok and keep expecting the same next week.

I have a reception age child as well. I try and mix it up so we do games for learning which my 3 year old can participate in too.

As someone said above, 5 minute mum is good. We've done her shops idea for example which gets DS writing numbers (to price things up) and doing little bits of addition (to work out totals). We haven't had to do counting in 10s but you could do it with 10p coins.

For phonics, phonics family on Facebook has lots of good ideas to make games out of it. We also watch alphablocks on iPlayer which my 3 year old likes as there's singing and a story. I pause each time they make a word and don't continue it until DS has had a go at sounding the word out. We watched the episode on 'oa' yesterday and there are maybe 5 or 6 words an episode for them to practice the sound with.