My reception child is in tears

[Bashfulbanana42]

I just dispair. I understand that my child is 5 and the key is not to worry or force them to work. She is bottom of the class in many ways though so I really want reading to continue. She's well behaved but wasn't quite ready for school work when she started in september. It was abit of a disappointing first parents evening. The second one was slightly better though and I felt more encouraged that we could get her more alert and concentrating before year one.

Then Corona happened. I have been the most relaxed parent. No pressure on her. The first week we sat at the table and did bits and bobs. Max of 45 minutes a day. It was mainly colouring and crafts. I got her new crayons and pens and paper. The odd bit of counting and reading we did too.

The school sent 32 pages to us on Friday for a week. Quite fun work sheets like counting the apples in a barrel. Sorting insects (she loved this) filling in the missing numbers. Drawing beads on a string. They also sent us some phonics sounds they want us to learn.

Ive only asked her three times this week to sit for 30 minutes max when her brothers napping. I want to do nice things like colour, count and talk about insects etc which is this terms topic. But she just isn't concentrating. When she did the bead activity. She was drawing one bead so huge that there was no room for anymore. Or she would carry on drawing circles after she had the correct amount. I was gently suggesting she did smaller circles but she was eye rolling.

She was getting all stressed out and writing her letters wrong. then she was staring at the ceiling when I was pointing and showing her what to do.

I tried to write some oa words to learn. We talked about oa being an o sound. I wrote toad, road and load for her to sound out. She just wouldn't sound it out right. I then told her I only wanted her to do a very small bit of work each day and the rest she was free to do whatever she liked. She started crying. So I put the stuff away and said I was disappointed she wasn't trying. I told her she's not watching Tele this afternoon but can do anything else. She's laid on the sofa sulking.

I really am trying here. She struggles as it is and I know that if she keeps up with reading and counting she will be ok. But I fear she's going to get further behind while the confident smarter kids soak it all in. I am already trying to do the minimum and keeping most of it arty and fun. We will have another load of work tomorrow for next week and I already want to cry.

Is anyone else struggling.

I'm not a pushy parent but ofcourse I want to keep her up to date the best I can with reading etc.

I would change the activities - instead of drawing beads, thread some actual beads (or buttons or whatever you have to hand!). Instead of just writing the OA words can you print the picture and the word and get her to match them as a game. Change it to practical things rather than writing. Maybe it will seem more like play and less like work to her.

It's a difficult time for kids and new home schooling parents alike! Thankfully mine are secondary age and up.

So @Bluntness100 of o sat you down to do a highly academic job you had no training for, and berated you because you couldn't do it, do you think you'd be motivated to try harder. Bearing in mind you have the emotional and social skills of a 5 year old in this scenario?

We'd never treat a co-worker or another adult the way some people are suggesting the parent deals with this situation. Why treat a 5 year old with such a lack of respect and understanding?

she’s being wilfully disobedient.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Lots of countries don't start learning until 7.

Ds who is 13 wasnt ready for school. Didnt do great in ks1 sats. Ks2 sats were ok. Yr 9 now. Top set maths, french and science. I was really worried but have learnt to relax and just try and create the right conditions for learning.

My dm pressured me and I just felt like a failure most of the time.

It sounds like she's lacking in confidence. It doesn't sound like disobedience to me although it's obviously hard to tell without knowing her. I'd say she's maybe scared to fail. I'd forget it OP. Really. They'll be back to school all together - sounds like June 1st - failing that, they'll catch them up in Yr 1. I have a September born, confident boy who's a very good reader and good at numbers too and even he won't do more than about 10 minutes without whining . It's their age. It's bloody hard. Try a scavenger hunt with the the word sounds? Look around the house and find an object with 'oa' in it, for example. Then try and write the word or draw a picture. If not, seriously, don't sweat it. Read with her. Drink wine.

I am a big fan of phonics apps like Reading Eggs, Teach your Monster to Read and Pirate Phonics. There are loads of others as well, some are good for reading some for letter formation etc. DD will happily “play” these for ages and she does learn along the way.

My DD can go like this. Our approach is to pick her up when she's not listening and be over the top and shout "oh so you want tickle time!" And run her about a bit spinning etc while saying "if you can't say is is 'oh' then it's tickles for you!" And that usually makes her remember it but also keeps the atmosphere light. Also road toad is boring. Try Mr warty toad etc to make it more fun. My DD will respond to any bum or toilet humour well

It's not wilful disobedience.

Its ready-ness.

Why do you say she is bottom of the class in many ways? Who is comparing them and how?

Does your school do Read Write Inc? If so can you sit with her and do the videos on YouTube? My Son is Y1 and has been doing the set 3 with Rosie. It’s familiar from School and I think he’s more likely to listen to her than me. I’ve been joining in.

There are new videos each day, they’re only up for 24 hours but there are older videos on there too that go through the sounds.

Forget "school activities and worksheets ". Probably reminds her of anxiety at school when she can't focus, remember or keep up.

Read stories to her, (trains listening and attention span) . Play snap (teaches matching and recognition) and snakes and ladders ( number and counting) or dominoes (counting and matching). Do jigsaws together ( matching, recognising clues). Sing songs together (listening and memory training). Play catch with a ball or bean bag ( hand to eye co-ordination) . Let her help you by setting the table or making sandwiches ( counting, , ordering, patterning) Bake cakes.

All those games help reinforce and maintain the skills needed in school.

I would change the activities - instead of drawing beads, thread some actual beads (or buttons or whatever you have to hand!

This is actually great. A while ago now we bought or were given a set where you make the beads then thread them. It's clay of some sort so you rol them. punch holes etc. There were a LOT of wonky ones and I had to really bite my tongue and remember that DD wasn't going to get it perfectly right. Then you bake them. Then you thread them. Counting and colour skills, also shapes could all come into that. Plus fine motor skills. And she gets something she can wear afterwards (or as likely, something she expects you to wear. Every day. And while sleeping).

I’m a primary school teacher & can’t manage to get my own 8 year old to do any work. I am not worried at all. Read stories together, look for some good reading apps, keep colouring & drawing & do some basic maths-counting, adding & subtractions with toys. I teach year 1, and a truly will not mind at all but if your child is ‘behind’. She will be ok.

I heard primary early years teach through play, doing whatever the child wants to do but putting an unnoticeable educational slant or purpose in it just to get them to enjoy learning, so let her choose what to do and you turn the conversation occasionally to numeracy or literacy xxx

So e.g. If she wants a painting morning, paint by numbers or letters. Then if she wants to play in the garden, count the leaves or make letters with sticks etc xxx

Baking, counting out ingredients.
Singing.... Singing a numbers or letters rhyne
Playing house... Counting imaginary cups of tea etc etc etc

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for all your replies and advice. I will try and answer some questions.

The teacher at parents evening said she had completed her phase 2 sounds. She said she simply wasn't ready when she first started school. Her exact words were "she struggles more than the other children, well not all of them to pick things up"

She doesn't seem to enjoy the teach my monster how to read app. She loves books. Her favourite stories are the three little pigs, little red riding hood and Goldilocks. She loves drawing and art and is finally starting to draw pictures rather than just scribble colours (flowers and people)

She can write most letters (z, f and k she is struggling with)

Do the person who said being relaxed is probably the problem and why she is behind at school... I've read every night to her and we read her school books etc. She got her first tablet in February as I didn't want her on one before age 5. I wanted her to experience outdoor play and keep busy without a screen. She does a maths monkey game on that.

She seems to like the cvc sheets where you have a picture and a word and you join up the words. I think I will focus more on these thankyou!

I do feel some of the work they sent this week is too complicated. Things like counting in tens etc.

I like the idea of threading a certain amount. Perhaps I'll try Cheerios and pipe cleaners for that thanks! That's given me an idea.

Does anyone know of any apps about minibeasts for her age?

It's very hard as parents to teach them ourselves. They don't have have attitude at school, well Mia doesn't seem too. They say she is lovely.

She definitely has anxiety in certain situations and she's not the confident loud child. She stands at the back through choice but has been getting involved in singing etc in recent weeks.

I am not trying to be pushy and make her loose her love for learning. But I also feel it would be me failing her if I don't help her with the basics before she goes back. I do know many countries have much older starting ages and it has proved beneficial. But the UK starts them in pre school at ,3 and then into full time education at 4. So ideally she needs to keep up with the curriculum and be somewhere around the same level as any average child in her class. I'm not putting her down when I say she's behind. She doesn't assert herself and she lacks in confidence. Her dad was similar as a child. We were exposing her to swimming etc before covid 19 so she was also learning to mix and mingle in a different setting. It's hard as I want to bring out the best.

Some great ideas on here so thank you very much!

Do people still use Jolly Phonics?

I would try to 'teach' by not teaching - so asking him to bring over the canister with sugar or tea in it - which word is that on the label? Cooking is a good way to teach weights and measures.

I found that reading - well kids all go at their own pace and I have known so many mums worried that thier child will never 'get it' find that the switch goes on and the child is absolutely fine.

I cant really add anything. I was incredibly worried about my ds, especially as I had a completely in love with school academic older dd. I couldn't work out where it was going wrong. Then in year 4 it started going in the right direction and in yr 8 he suddenly flourished and won the year prize for effort.

Just try and keep going and looking for ways to keep it interesting. It might just be deferred results and you have to hold belief, if you see what I mean. .

Really nice helpful posts @Theworldisfullofgs, thank you! My August born DS wasn’t ready for school and really still isn’t, in year 3, so it’s nice to know that sometimes it just falls into place for them. All my attempts at structured learning - anything that looks like a worksheet - has just fallen apart, so I’m doing exactly what you say - trying to look for ways to make things interesting for him. He will at least read so we’re working out way through the Ricky Ricotta books which he’s loving.

“Willful disobedience” sounds like something my teacher great-aunt would have said about 50 years ago. That’s not what I see in your daughter, OP. Keep it light.

She sounds like a lovely child and you're doing a great job. Willful disobedience my arse but have you used her real name in your post? You may wish to get MNHQ to edit.it.

They have told us to teach phonics with jolly sounds like qu.... Quack quack quack. Lol

We are using BBC Bitesize - my 7 year old is loving it. Half an hour at home is probably the same as a whole day at school. No tables and chairs here. Start at 9am done by 11am then free time until lunch. Afternoon spent sitting in the garden with books, switch or staring into space :-)

@arnoldbee

I'll have a look thanks

Jillyhilly

Mine is an August boy too.