Teacher upset my 4 year old daughter

[Buttonmoon99]

Hi,

It was my 4 year old twin girls nativity today.

At one point during their brief speaking part one of them started pulling the head part of their costume over her face. This caused laughter from the parents (in a nice way). Anyway it carried on and because myself and husband were sat a few rows back we couldn't see everything but when I could see her again she was welling up and didn't have the head part of her costume anymore.

It turns out her teacher took it away from her which we believe caused her to get upset. A few parents said they though this was harsh and we do too. At the end of the day she's 4, she obviously became uncomfortable and wanted to 'hide' and rather then taking the costume away and upsetting her she just needed done words of encouragement.

This isn't the first time I've witnessed something like this from this teacher.

I'm thinking of saying something to the teacher tomorrow and wondered what your thoughts were?

I could understand if she was older but she's 4 years old stood in front of lots of strange faces visibly very upset and trying her hardest to hold the tears in

@Poppinjay How can you possibly know that it’s ‘part of the bigger picture?!’ Honestly, I’m sure the teacher had no intention of making that child cry. That’s not generally why people go into teaching. What utter rot.

@spinderellacutituponetime, the OP said "This isn't the first time I've witnessed something like this from this teacher."

That's a pretty good indicator that it's part of a bigger picture.

Nope. It sounds to me like shes’s massively over-sensitive. Especially if the other incident was anything like this one...

She was faffing about with her costume - teacher solved the issue by taking away the faffing about object. You’re DD then sulked about it, as children that age will do. I don’t understand what the problem is.

I have long thought that many teachers actually hate kids.

Oh my goodness, if you carry on being as sensitive as this over something so insignificant and easily forgotten you are in for a very miserable time with your child for the rest of her school days.

Teach her to be resilient. Unless she has some sort of mental health condition, she will learn that performances are very special and to think of the other children and doing the best for herself and her school

Come on mummy put on your big girl pants and set the example and support your school.

What a ridiculous and incredibly nasty comment @XelaM.

Excellent post @JockTamsonsBairns

I strongly suspect that they have rehearsed this play 2 billion times since half term and in the dress rehearsals numerous children have fiddled with costumes, broken costumes, fiddled with other people's costumes, your daughter has quite probably done the same thing with her scarf repeatedly and the teacher is probably at the end of her tether and sick of the whole thing and children fiddling! If your daughter has been told not to do that repeatedly over the last week then frankly any adult nearby would have done the exact same thing.

the teacher is probably at the end of her tether and sick of the whole thing and children fiddling! If your daughter has been told not to do that repeatedly over the last week then frankly any adult nearby would have done the exact same thing.

It's their job to support four year olds in situations like this and to understand that very young children will fiddle or clam up when confronting a sea of unfamiliar faces. Being at the end of their tether and treating a child unkindly is not an option.

I think it's more likely that most adults nearby would have recognised that this little girl unconsiously pulled at her costume while feeling overwhelmed by a sea of faces, struggling to carry on saying her lines and would have offered a discreet and supportive thumbs-up, smile or similar.

If you're a reception teacher who can't cope with the stress of a nativity play, you're in the wrong job.

Teachers are human and this teacher simply removed something that a child was fidgeting with during a performance for parents. The child probably didn't give it a second thought once the performance was over.

@MiniGuinness

OP, I’m a teacher and I’m actually known for being gentle in my handling of behavioural situations but I would have done the same. There’s no way the teacher could have known that it would upset her and I’ll bet it wasn’t not intended to have that impact on her.
I’ll also be she was covertly and gently encouraged in other ways before the item was removed.
Also, it was probably more the situation as a whole that was overwhelming.

And...4 year old cry when told off. I think you might just have to let this one go.

The OP said her child "welled up" not cried.

Oh man. The responses here are harsh. OP, I am sorry you're daughter was upset. It's so hard as mum to see our children upset especially at a time that is supposed to be full of joy. I probably would let it go, because what can be done now? And have a little chat with your daughter and explain why it happened. It's likely the teacher didn't know it would upset her. But still, I'm sorry that happened and feel for your daughter 😥

Former reception teacher. Let it go.

I feel sorry for your daughter, the teacher made her feel like shit. Don't speak to the school about it though because what she did is standard practice sadly

I feel no reception teacher should EVER be responsible for making a child of that age visibly upset

Pretty much every reception teacher will have been responsible for a child being visibly upset at some point. At four many of them cry at the drop of a hat/in response to not getting their way. And many of them are actually capable of manipulation at that age- if crying will get them their way they absolutely will do it. Not saying that's what your DD was doing, but it happens a lot- if teachers lavished attention on all crying children every time they cried they'd never get anything done. I'd actually say reducing a 14 year old to tears would be worse, as they're less likely to respond with tears to every little thing.

if teachers lavished attention on all crying children every time they cried they'd never get anything done

This doesn't read correctly- I'm going to add to it by saying I don't mean they should be ignored when crying, but that tears shouldn't result in everything stopping and the child getting their own way because if it did you'd have kids crying left right and centre and nothing would ever get done.

"I feel sorry for your daughter, the teacher made her feel like shit" did she? Or was the child briefly unsettled because the teacher removed the object she was fidgeting with ?

I feel v sorry for all teachers now. Jesus Christ OP.

And this is not Nethuns.

My child is a goat today for his nativity and has not a single haloed speaking part. 😂😂😂😂 but him and I at least have resilience and some sense of perspective!

Grips needed, Op.