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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Teacher upset my 4 year old daughter

119 replies

Buttonmoon99 · 10/12/2019 22:45

Hi,

It was my 4 year old twin girls nativity today.

At one point during their brief speaking part one of them started pulling the head part of their costume over her face. This caused laughter from the parents (in a nice way). Anyway it carried on and because myself and husband were sat a few rows back we couldn't see everything but when I could see her again she was welling up and didn't have the head part of her costume anymore.

It turns out her teacher took it away from her which we believe caused her to get upset. A few parents said they though this was harsh and we do too. At the end of the day she's 4, she obviously became uncomfortable and wanted to 'hide' and rather then taking the costume away and upsetting her she just needed done words of encouragement.

This isn't the first time I've witnessed something like this from this teacher.

I'm thinking of saying something to the teacher tomorrow and wondered what your thoughts were?

I could understand if she was older but she's 4 years old stood in front of lots of strange faces visibly very upset and trying her hardest to hold the tears in

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ballsdeep · 10/12/2019 23:31

Completely unreasonable of you to moan. Your child was being disruptive. She wasnt the only One on the stage.

Poppinjay · 10/12/2019 23:36

You would hope that a reception year teacher could understand a 4 year old finding it hard to stand in front of a bunch of strangers and talk. I think your DD did amazingly well to manage it.

The problem is that not all teachers are kind and those that aren't are often pretty good at coming up with excuses like those above in the thread, e.g. I was worried it might obstruct her breathing. Everyone knows it's a load of crap but it's very hard to call out when they're dishing out the sickly smiles.

As in any profession, there are good and bad practitioners. They are the ones who don't take the time to imagine what it's like to be a small child or get a bit of a kick out of dominating people who are less powerful than themselves.

This teacher sounds like a bad one but there's probably not much you can do. It is a very minor event so you can't really raise it without looking ridiculous. We all know that it may be part of a bigger picture but you have no evidence. You just need to support your DD as best you can for the rest of the time she's with this teacher and hope that next year is better.

turnthebiglightoff · 10/12/2019 23:37

Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know - Well, now they know.......

You know the rest.

BackforGood · 10/12/2019 23:46

I agree with all but the 2 posters going against the grain.

If my dc had said they were upset in those circumstances I would have been asking them why they were messing with the head piece and distracting from the play, not complaining to the teacher who has presumably had to remove it to stop people being distracted from all the the other dc trying to do their parts.

littlepaddypaws · 10/12/2019 23:56

your dd could have ruined the show for everyone else had she been allowed to carry on messing about. then you would be that parent with that child.

TooLaidBack27 · 11/12/2019 00:14

We have a child, who disrupts every play, like your daughter in my DC class. She has been misbehaving every play/trip, but her mother would go straight to the Head to complain every single time. In the end teachers just gave up on this child. She is 6 now. Her older sibling now goes to 'special' teacher at our school. There is nothing wrong with the children. The problem is their mother, who did not install any discipline in those children.
The teacher in your daughter's case reacted appropriately, now is your turn to teach your daughter to behave in public.

Bluetac19 · 11/12/2019 06:49

You have a long road ahead if you're worried about tiny things like this.

Original poster

Buttonmoon99 · 11/12/2019 07:09

Thank you for all your replies. The situation arose when it was her turn to speak so not distracting from any other children at that time. Had this been the case I would be in total agreement that the teacher needed to intervene. Don't get me wrong she's a good girl but like any 4 year old she has her moments and I'm under no illusion that she's perfectly behaved. I've decided not to say anything as I don't want any negativity between myself and her teacher. As for the head part of the costume causing breathing difficulties, it's a light piece of cloth so I don't believe the teacher did it out if safety concerns. The situation was noticed by parents in the front row who advised me it was done crossly. I feel it could have been handled better by a reception class teacher. Maybe a quick word of encouragement would have avoided her getting upset? The fact that I was told she was visibly upset for a period of time after is what annoyed me more then anything. Again thank you for your replies, it's good to hear others views but I feel no reception teacher should EVER be responsible for making a child of that age visibly upset. Of course if she was older I believe it to be different but she's been in school 14 weeks. It was unacceptable.

OP posts:

user838383 · 11/12/2019 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrMeSeeks · 11/12/2019 07:34

So you wanted the teacher to talk to her, during the play?
She took it off as it was distracting, it clearly wasn’t malicious. if she’d gone to talk to your dd then there would be even more distractions.
I’m sure she didn't intentionally upset a four year old, she was probably thinking of all of the other little ones.

RhymingRabbit3 · 11/12/2019 07:38

What would be the point if bringing it up with the teacher? What can they do about it now?
They probably thought your DD was trying to take it off so tried to help, or at least tried to stop them being distracted/ distracting others

Lipperfromchipper · 11/12/2019 07:42

OP you’ll probably find the teacher had spoken to your dd numerous times before in rehearsals etc, so in the moment yes the teacher was probably at the end of her tether!! Have you ever tried to get a class of (20+) 4 year olds to stand on stage and do a nativity!! It’s not the easiest thing to do!! Especially when uk teachers are under so much pressure anyway!!! My school only does nativities every two years now because of how much time they take up!!

XGeorgie90 · 11/12/2019 07:47

I'd say something.. teacher or not she has no right to upset a 4 year old during a already stressful situation.

MrsKCastle · 11/12/2019 07:48

I feel no reception teacher should EVER be responsible for making a child of that age visibly upset.

Really? So reception children shouldn't ever be told off because it might upset them? Some 4 year olds get visibly upset about changing for PE, or being asked to stop an activity, or use a knife and fork instead of their fingers, or leave their parent and come into the classroom. You can't teach reception without occasionally upsetting children. It isn't done intentionally, but the children do need to know the expectations. And when you're on stage, the expectation is that you stand sensibly.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 11/12/2019 07:49

Don't be THAT parent being overly precious about your child!

FamilyOfAliens · 11/12/2019 07:50

I feel no reception teacher should EVER be responsible for making a child of that age visibly upset.

Really? Do you apply the same standard to yourself as a parent, that you will never be responsible for upsetting your child? What about if she goes to run across the road and you pull her back, making her cry but potentially saving her life?

FamilyOfAliens · 11/12/2019 07:51

Cross post, MrsK

Redlocks30 · 11/12/2019 07:51

I feel no reception teacher should EVER be responsible for making a child of that age visibly upset.

I am so glad I am leaving teaching!

HappyDinosaur · 11/12/2019 07:55

You are being completely unreasonable, 4 year olds will cry at the slightest thing, I am sure the teacher meant no harm and that your child will have no lasting memory of it

loobylou10 · 11/12/2019 07:58

Get a grip

PurpleDaisies · 11/12/2019 08:04

No wonder teachers are leaving the profession if this is the sort of tripe people complain about.

People always say this. This isn’t the reason people are leaving teaching. Unreasonable (and yes, the op is unreasonable here) parents have always been unreasonable. It’s the pressure, the lack of support, the lack of funding, the extra hours, the total lack of back up from senior management, the increased class sizes... Parents like this are annoying but a good source of comedy in the staff room.

Op I would suggest you don’t know what was said to your daughter before the head piece was taken away, either in the rehearsals or immediately prior. Removing a distraction from a distracted child is sensible behaviour management.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 11/12/2019 08:21

God I love the Nativity Play Season on MN

mclover · 11/12/2019 08:25

Ha love the way OP is totally ignoring 95% of the posters

ballsdeep · 11/12/2019 08:37

I wouldn't take other people's say on it op. Some parents love to stir it up and exaggerate.
If you thibk your child is never going to get upset ins chool you need to give your head a wobble.

potter5 · 11/12/2019 08:54

I don't think you need to speak to the teacher. I think the teacher could have dealt with it differently though. Shown more empathy towards your daughter perhaps. Small children are easily upset especially in front of so many people.

I am sure that you gave her lots of love and encouragement when you got her home.

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