Teacher upset my 4 year old daughter

[Buttonmoon99]

Hi,

It was my 4 year old twin girls nativity today.

At one point during their brief speaking part one of them started pulling the head part of their costume over her face. This caused laughter from the parents (in a nice way). Anyway it carried on and because myself and husband were sat a few rows back we couldn't see everything but when I could see her again she was welling up and didn't have the head part of her costume anymore.

It turns out her teacher took it away from her which we believe caused her to get upset. A few parents said they though this was harsh and we do too. At the end of the day she's 4, she obviously became uncomfortable and wanted to 'hide' and rather then taking the costume away and upsetting her she just needed done words of encouragement.

This isn't the first time I've witnessed something like this from this teacher.

I'm thinking of saying something to the teacher tomorrow and wondered what your thoughts were?

I could understand if she was older but she's 4 years old stood in front of lots of strange faces visibly very upset and trying her hardest to hold the tears in

[WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]

Clangus don't be a dick, there is no need for that.

"I incorrectly thought Netmums was a place of support and solidarity and for those of you posting like adults"
Netmums may well be but this is Mumsnet

Don't be put off of the back of one thread. If you want your baby your rules hon I would advise Netmums is best, but Mumsnet is much better and much fucking funnier. I can't link as I'm on the app, but have a look in Classics in the topics list, there is one about PFBs (precious first borns ) which is very good, and I think we can all recognise ourselves in it. In fact I'm sure I contributed a lot to that thread myself

Don't read Penis Beaker though, it's fucking shit.

[PurpleDaisies]

I assume you're a parent being on this site

This site is not just for parents. Plenty of topics have nothing to do with kids. Teachers don’t all have children.

[Clangus00]

@Buttonmoon99 I am both.

[Huncamuncaa]

Have some feeling for the poor reception teacher, completely on show in front of all the parents trying to subtly manage the behaviour of 30 4 year olds, knowing full well you're probably all talking about her and moaning about something or other. Think how much work she put in to it.

If the child was upset then I'm sure she regrets taking it off her! She probably regretted it the minute she did it but taking a distraction off a child mid performance is pretty standard. Do you really think it was her intention for the child to start crying?!

As the teacher who had to crawl across a stage to separate 2 fighting kings in front of a hall of sniggering parents, I can tell you teachers hate nativity plays! About as easy and fun as herding cats.

[XenakisCarter]

In my experience of my DC’s school, the teachers would have, firstly, given the child a smile and a ‘put it down’ wave of the hand. Then, that would have moved to a firmer, non-smiling-but-not-cross, finger point to put it down. And finally, it would be taken away. If the OP couldn’t see the teachers’ faces, then there’s no way of knowing whether this occurred. Just looking up to see a child upset doesn’t tell the whole story.

[MrsBricks]

I've been responsible for loads of 4 year olds crying over the years!

Really OP, nothing happened here - it's a non-event. A child was pulling a scarf over their face while trying to say their line, an adult removed the scarf. Child looked a bit upset.

What would your complaint to the teacher even be?

[Saucery]

I expect they’d all been told more than once during the rehearsals to not fiddle with their costumes etc. Your dd chose not to listen to this so the source of the distraction was removed with the minimum of fuss and disturbance to the performance. A performance that all the parents were there to see, not just you, so no, horrid though it is to see your small dc upset at their first Nativity, I don’t think the teacher was in the wrong.

[user1471449295]

Would be totally unreasonable to have a word with the teacher. Kids at school learn lessons. Some learn have to learn lessons they should have learnt at home

[LaMarschallin]

PurpleDaisies

This is not Netmums.

Quite.
OP, you may find that more to your taste.

[elenacampana]

You sound quite defensive OP and a little like you would rather be in an echo chamber of your own views. Perhaps asking for opinion online isn’t for you as you don’t seem to be able to handle it.

I hope your little girl enjoys the rest of her Christmas, I doubt it’s going to traumatise her forever :-)

[Happinessinapeartree]

Oh dear. This is perhaps your first experience of the need to toughen up for school.

Your DD had a wobble and survived fine. You need to do similar

[AlorMy]

Oh dear. This is perhaps your first experience of the need to toughen up for school.

Your DD had a wobble and survived fine. You need to do similar

This x100

[Spinderellacutituponetime]

It's clear that you didn't exactly see what was going on and are judging it on what a few other parents told you, who in turn probably weren't in posession of all the facts. It's not a big deal. Kids get upset at all sorts of stupid things at that age.I know it's hard to watch your own child cry but don't make a big deal out of it please. At that age my child would cry if I gave them the wrong cornflakes, my husband did not take me aside and 'have a word'.;-)The child may have been more overwhelmed by the audience or a million other things...who knows. It's important not to be too precious, children have to have some knocks before they make it to adulthood and this was a tiny, tiny one.

[Clutterbugsmum]

I can guarantee the teacher would have had more then one conversation about expected behaviour with the children. Your child would have known that the teacher will remove any items that are being played with.

If you were a responsible parent you would have used this as a learning tool for your DD to understand why HER behaviour caused the teacher to remove her headdress.

A 4 year is old enough to understand how to behave.

[user1483387154]

you are being way too oversensitive

[MiniGuinness]

I absolutely don't think any teacher should be responsible for making a child of that age cry. no teacher knows if their (very harmless and somewhat necessary) actions will make a 4 year old cry. My 4 year old cried because she grabbed the teacher’s hand by accident, instead of mine. What a bitch that teacher was, having fucking hands, and making my baby cry.

[damnthatanxiety]

OP, do you ever makes your child cry'? By perhaps telling her 'no' or reprimanding her or not allowing her to have her way? It's called 'parenting' and teachers also will at tunes 'make your child cry'. Ffs get a grip.

[Teachermaths]

Do you apply the "no one should make my child cry" standard to yourself?

Four year olds cry over the smallest of things (as your dd showed here). Teachers don't intend to make children cry, unfortunately sometimes children do cry as a reaction.

[XelaM]

It's scary how mean teachers on this thread are. I have long thought that many teachers actually hate kids. A teacher should be kind to a reception child performing for the first time to an audience. Performance gets disrupted - so what?! It's not the West End! It's a reception nativity play and kids being unwittingly funny/awkward is all part of it. Mean teachers should not be teaching reception!

[JockTamsonsBairns]

I have long thought that many teachers actually hate kids

Wow. That's really unfair. I work in a school (not teaching staff) and I have many friends and family members who are teachers. I can quite honestly say that, without exception, each and every one of them stay in the profession due to their love for the kids. And it's a profession that is incredibly tough, with ever increasing demands. That was a shitty comment.

[Lipperfromchipper]

@XelaM teachers can’t win though!! If that teacher had let the little girl disrupt the performance then there would have been a thread with the heading “teacher let child ruin my DD’s first school nativity!” And she would have been bashed for not doing something about the child who distracted several parents and children. And another poor dc who had cried because no one heard them speak their lines etc etc.

[FenellaMaxwell]

Twins AND teacher bashing? BINGO!

[aggitatedstate]

I'd be embarrassed if I was you OP ... you're setting your DD up for a life of hell with minimal resilience.

Let it go

[ericaanne]

I think you're overreacting. don't complain to the teacher she did what was needed, your kid was messing around with part of her costume so the teacher took it away.

[Poppinjay]

If that teacher had let the little girl disrupt the performance then there would have been a thread with the heading “teacher let child ruin my DD’s first school nativity!”

It's very hard to imagine how a little girl pulling a bit of clothing over her face whilst delivering a few lines because she's overwhelmed at the sea of faces could possibly disrupt the performance.

The teacher overreacted, probably due to stress. That's fine of it's a one-off but it sounds like it's part of a bigger picture. It won't do any good to raise it though because teachers who do that sort of thing always have an excuse.