Proof of family death

[Coo5]

I'm feeling miffed, but appreciate as a family our emotions are off kilter. My mil died recently, and all three of my children are at primary school. She did not live locally and to attend her funeral means my girls needing two days off school. I requested this through the normal channels, and today I received a hastily scribbled reply from the headmaster stating "if proof cam be obtained - if not it'll be unauthorised". After going back and forth with the office staff, I asked to speak with him in person. He confirmed that I did indeed need to provide a copy of her death certificate. I honestly think I was too shocked to process the insensitivity shown. On reflection I can see why it might be necessary, but it should have been handled better. Am I right to be put out? Does anyone know whether legally he can request this personal information?

Yes, I think they can request.

I agree it was out to you insensitivity.

I would comply, but add that you felt it was insensitively requested and you hope in future he phrases requests with a bit more humanity.

That is honestly disgusting !

I really hate the way this is going. Condolances

Wow! Not on in my opinion. You're not going to make something like that up FFS.

Wow that's so insensitive.
How many people would lie about a pil dying to get 2 days off school? Very few.

Plus, would the Death certificate even be issued before the funeral?

I'm sorry for your loss, principal handled that conversation really badly

To be fair, it’s amazing just how many children have time off for funerals, but when they’re back have no recollection of it!
One family seems to be very unlucky at my school And they have had about 10 relatives die in the past year. 3 have been in Spain and needed a week off school all extended because mum was too ill to fly back for various reasons.

Order of service for the funeral could also be accepted, especially it is says grandmother to “coo-babies”.

Death certificate can take weeks.

My condolences.

I'm sorry but that's appalling, whether it was worded differently or not.

Why on earth should you have to provide a copy of your mother in laws death certificate to take 2 days off at primary age to attend grandmother's funeral? In the middle of GCSEs or other important exams then maybe but at that age that's ridiculous.

Death certificates are (I think) available on line, surely if you can provide details they can do their revolting snooping themselves.😡

Horrid people. This is somebodies somebody.

Well an interim death certificate has been issued to my sil, but still would feel uncomfortable pestering her for a copy. It was an unexpected death so proper death certificate not being issued for 6-8 weeks following pm. Feel doubly annoyed because my eldest has had one day off in nearly three years and my other two are are under 5.

I am sure quite a few families lie about funerals to excuse their child being off school

Are you doing a funeral order of service document (sorry don't know right wordage)? If you are would that do instead? If they think that's made up they can ring funeral directors....

I agree it's insensitive...and private info.

Seems to be a trend... Only yesterday saw article on some poor grieving family in S Africa that ended up taking body of deceased relative into insurers to prove death.madness...
I sort of get it.... But.... You would hope for care and compassion at a time you are all grieving.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you get this sorted easily.

Just ignore him and take your DC out for the two days. Honestly, some HTs are utter morons.

I think it would be ok to text your SIL something along the lines of “you’re not going to believe what I’ve just been told by the school - they want proof the kids time off is for a genuine funeral or they won’t authorise absence! I’m fuming but so the kids don’t get any grief would you be able to picture message me the interim certificate? I’ll be writing to the governors when all this is over”

Or actually maybe the funeral directors could do it for you - just phone and explain the situation and ask if they could send a quick email saying they confirm they are arranging a funeral for Mrs Coo Senior on this date.

Yes, ask the funeral directors to email the school office.

I think that’s pretty awful, honestly.

Different tone entirely if they’d said sorry for your loss, of course we understand you’ll be taking the DC, and please could you provide X for out records in due course otherwise unfortunately the school will be forced to record it unauthorised.

It’s all in the delivery and they’ve fucked that up.

I think some people do lie about funerals. Just because this cross section of people dont doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Coming from someone who has lost their dad in unexpected circumstances I was very aware almost everyone wanted a copy of a dearth certificate for some reason or other and it was just par of the course.

Sorry for your loss

I think the head has been insensitive even if it is 'the rules'. Would have been better just to take the kids out of school and explain later. Can you even get the death certificate? I suppose your husband can.

Flipping cheek.

Condolences to you and your family.

That is insensitive but it does happen. 20 years ago when I was at secondary, my granddad died and I didn't manage to complete all of my homework on the week of his funeral. My poor mother had a phone call from my cow of an English teacher asking whether it was true or was I just lying. I remember my mum answering then saying, "Yes my father has died. It was very sudden and we are all very sad, but I am sure that you will allow some extra time this time."

This is so horrendous

We had a school aged friend attend dad’s funeral, she knew him because dad mentored her brother....so a very long chain, but she’s a sixth former and has known my dad since she was 11.

She got the day by telling the school “family funeral” because she is family! And it’s school, it’s not like anyone’s asking to take time off from a police job.

Imagine being asked to produce a copy of the death certificate every time! I’d be telling the school to fuck off and write to the dept of education and ask them to put an end to this shit.

And yes people do lie about funerals

But to need a death certificate for a day off school?!

People do lie about grandparents' deaths. I had to phone my daughter's university to ask whether a date for a language oral exam could be changed due to her grandmother's funeral and was told to provide the death certificate. Apparently some students claim up to 8 grandparents have died, particularly in their first year. I wasn't able to get a copy of the death certificate and she missed her exam.

it was done very insensitively, but from the schools perspective, if they have had problems with families with lots of funerals, the only thing they can do is to insist on documentation for everyone, otherwise other families will complain about being targetted.

I would send a note ba sckaying the death certificate will take 6 weeks due to unexpected death, what do they want as proof? Would an order of service be enough.
I would also phrase it along with 'pretty shocked at the insensitive and blunt demand in the face of an unexpected death in the family.'

to be honest though, there are zero consequences if you jsut take them out for 2 days.
Let them try and fine you, for a funeral of kids grandmother! It wouldn't get past the EWO.

Just to contrast, my MIL died in Holland and we had to take 3 days off to go. The heads' first responses were condolences and sympathy and no question about the time off (and that was secondary and primary schools)

Unfortunately, people do lie about funerals, so this isn't an unreasonable request.