Proof of family death

[Coo5]

I'm feeling miffed, but appreciate as a family our emotions are off kilter. My mil died recently, and all three of my children are at primary school. She did not live locally and to attend her funeral means my girls needing two days off school. I requested this through the normal channels, and today I received a hastily scribbled reply from the headmaster stating "if proof cam be obtained - if not it'll be unauthorised". After going back and forth with the office staff, I asked to speak with him in person. He confirmed that I did indeed need to provide a copy of her death certificate. I honestly think I was too shocked to process the insensitivity shown. On reflection I can see why it might be necessary, but it should have been handled better. Am I right to be put out? Does anyone know whether legally he can request this personal information?

Sometimes a link to an online obituary will also be accepted.

That is shocking. What is our school system like these days??!!

That is jobsworth taken to the extreme. It is blatantly not trusting what you say. It should be enough that you day this; if you has a record of a large number of absences or funerals then it might be different. I am surprised that a head teacher is adopting this stance. Is there a “rule”? If so then it is worth complaining to the governors.

I agree with ginandginger- just tell them not to authorise.

That's awful. It would be more understandable if you'd been like the family a pp mentioned who'd had 10 bereavements involving a week in Spain where the child had no memory of a funeral, but you've had nothing of the sort and excellent attendance so they are just being plain unkind!

Not meaning to he crass but how would a death certificate even prove that you were going to a funeral for 2 days? It could be anyone's death certificate, would it only "count" if they share the same surname as your child? and just because someone died doesn't "prove" you went to the funeral or that this required 2 days absence.

My dad died recently and my son’s uni wanted a copy of the death certificate before they’d grant him an essay extension.

I was thunderstruck.

I wouldn't provide it. If your children's attendance is generally good they won't be able to request a fine and it will show as unauthorised, so what! It's the school's %age that will be affected and serves them right for the utter insensitive manner of dealing with your request. 💐

Ahem
Traveller families have a lot of funerals.
Maybe 8-10 a year. They are always close relatives apparently. Perhaps your school has had more than it's fair share of funeral claims lately.

Agree your head is insensitive but consider if your school is on the cusp of being demolished by ofsted, or has had poor attendance and the LA are on their back?

Your head will need to justify why the leave is authorised.
Make their life easier. Get the funeral directors to confirm or send an order of service in.

Heads are only crazy because of the stupid crazy educational world we live in.

If your children's attendance is generally good they won't be able to request a fine

You cannot guarantee that. There is at least one LA that issues fines for every unauthorised absence even if the child has no other absence at all.

I agree it's heavy-handed, and I'm sorry for your loss. However, I do think you're wrong to suggest that the school should grant you some leeway because of all volunteering etc you do. The rules should be the rules. I used to work in a school, and it incensed both us and a lot of other parents that some families did loads of volunteering and then expected special treatment - the odd blind eye here, a relaxation of the rules there, a 'picked for the netball match' there. The head would indeed be unreasonable if he granted you leeway on attendance for that reason.

I wasnt expecting leeway on his decision I was expecting a modicum of decency in how he approached our request. I apologise if standing us in good stead was misinterpreted. I'm guessing you would fall into the same camp for how you handle sensitive situations, as proven just now.

No, I totally agree that he was insensitive. I've never heard of death certs being asked for, but if that's the policy then it should be done in the context of a communication that expressed sorrow for your loss, apologised for the necessity of requesting documentation at this difficult time, and gave some justification for asking for it. I put huge value on appropriate communication when that was my job. My only point (and apologies if I've misinterpreted you) is that all parents should be treated the same. It can cause huge divisions when there's even a suspicion that certain parents have a different experience due to their closer relationship with the head and the school (ie not just whether the absence is authorised, but also what evidence or form is requested, and the manner in which it is requested).

My mother died recently and I had none of this from the schools my sons attend. I did, however, receive a stroppy letter from my elder son’s school warning me about his poor attendance. My mother died in the first week of term, he had two days off in the first few weeks of the year and consequently his school attendance percentage was low. Given I was so recently bereaved I was very upset.

You can not be fined for the odd UA under the legal requirement.

If you are incorrectly issued with a Penalty it will be quashed.

That is disgusting. I would complain to the governors, my MP and the local authority. How insensitive. The death certificate ffs!

That is disgusting. I would complain to the governors, my MP and the local authority. How insensitive. The death certificate ffs!

It's not unreasonable to ask for this providing it's done at the right time and in a sensitive way, please don't waste your MPs and LAs time with this. By all means complain about the HTs people skills to the governors, they should already by aware if that's the way he always communicates with parents.

Sorry for your loss @Temporaryanonymity

I received one of those letters recently, and also failed to see the point of knowing my son’s absence percentage based on half a term.

Awfully handled & no, they don't have to ask fir proof. HTF did someone so unaware get to be a HT 😐

We were in a similar situation when my DM died, only she was ill in hospital 400 mikes away & we were at her bedside fir 3 months prior. Her school were nothing but supportive & reassuring over time missed at school.

Sorry for your loss & the insensitive arsehole HT ☹️

You can not be fined for the odd UA under the legal requirement

Yes you can. Most LAs won't fine for a single absence if attendance is otherwise good but there is at least one that fines for all unauthorised absences. Whilst I think they are wrong to do so, the law is on their side.

Sorry for your loss.

As one child is under 5, can they record it as unauthorised as under compulsory school age?

I would be tempted to tell the school to get a copy of the death certificate themselves

It is amazing how many aunts, uncles and grandparents some children have, and how many days off for funerals they need....
Asking for proof is probably the results of other parents claiming very frequent “funerals “ which the kids never seem to remember.
You are in your rights though to recommend a better way of handling the request!

As one child is under 5, can they record it as unauthorised as under compulsory school age

They cannot issue a fine for any children that are under compulsory school age.

I would contact the school governors and LEA and make a formal complaint about how this was handled. The HT is calling you a list until they see proof otherwise - that is utterly unacceptable. Someone who lacks the common sense to look at the children's attendance records and who cares so little for school and parent relationships, has no business running a school. It's a basic courtesy to offer condolences and be tactful and kind in this situation. It would worry me that this is missing in a HT.

Wow, that seems rather insensitive. Does the school have a poor attendance score in general? That's the only reason I can think of for requesting proof.