Proof of family death

[Coo5]

I'm feeling miffed, but appreciate as a family our emotions are off kilter. My mil died recently, and all three of my children are at primary school. She did not live locally and to attend her funeral means my girls needing two days off school. I requested this through the normal channels, and today I received a hastily scribbled reply from the headmaster stating "if proof cam be obtained - if not it'll be unauthorised". After going back and forth with the office staff, I asked to speak with him in person. He confirmed that I did indeed need to provide a copy of her death certificate. I honestly think I was too shocked to process the insensitivity shown. On reflection I can see why it might be necessary, but it should have been handled better. Am I right to be put out? Does anyone know whether legally he can request this personal information?

That's appalling and insensitive.
Just take the children out and tell the HT that you will provide 'evidence' when it is available 😡

And make sure you write and request that the unauthorised absence is amended to authorised when you do x

What are the consequences of an unauthorised absence to you/your kids?

My 7yr old dd has had one day off so far in Y1, my other two are 4.5. I initially told their class teachers first, and then moved to the school office. That was a farce in itself, I was directed to pop details in an email. Their reply, come back into the office to complete a request form, doh. Irritation was squashed down as I just wanted the details locked in for when my girls are all absent.

This is our first experience of requesting authorisation and I naively thought that with such a good track record with the school, daughters attendance, volunteering my help on day trips, dh popping in to to do teaching sessions on his job, and talking to new parents on an open evening that some of it might stand us in good stead, but nope, nadda. It's just a shame, because up until now we have been very pro this school.

What ever way you wrap it up, the headteacher handled it an abysmal manner.

Oh well, thankyou random strangers for managing to offer your condolences, it is appreciated.

My Dad died earlier this year and I just told the office, filled out a form and it was authorised. Having recently gone through this I find it incredibly sad that anyone would like about a grandparent dying to get a day off, and a shame if it has resulted in people who are genuinely bereaved being insensitively questioned. Sorry for your loss OP.

I was told by my previous job that I couldn’t have time off for grandads funeral because I was working my notice at the time and grandparents death only waranted an extended lunch for funeral.

I had to fly to get to funeral. It just solidified that my decision to leave was the right one. I went anyway.

lie!

One would expect the burden of proof to be higher at a university

Thats where you're making a false assumption, you don't need to prove anything to a school to be absent, the OP isn't asking the school to do anything, it's a common misconception that you have to ask the school's permission to be absent. How the school record it is a separate issue to the absence itself. The HT in this case is trying to avoid having to register an unauthorised absence not forbidding the OP's children to attend the funeral.

Wow! Not on in my opinion. You're not going to make something like that up FFS.

Sadly parents do lie to take their children out of school to avoid a fine.

The worst is lying that their child is sick.

Good god that is awful!! I’d be tempted to send a picture of the corpse! We do open coffins and “wake” the dead here for 1-2 nights after death and then the funeral. So I would take a picture then!! 🤣 My DGM passed away on a Monday and the funeral was on the Thursday.

Also I’m sorry for your loss OP 💐

One would expect the burden of proof to be higher at a university

Why? Students don't get fined for unauthorised absence from university.

The HT in this case is trying to avoid having to register an unauthorised absence not forbidding the OP's children to attend the funeral.

He could just choose to authorise it without asking for proof. I've worked in attendance in a school and never seen proof of a funeral requested. It's not on.

Tell him, don’t ask, tell him your children are having the time off to go to their grandmothers funeral.
He can like it or lump it.
Who does he think he is.

Easiest would be to take the days off, say no way are you going to hassle your family members (who will be sinking under paperwork) at this time but you will bring a copy of the order of service back afterwards for them to see if they really doubt you.

He could just choose to authorise it without asking for proof. I've worked in attendance in a school and never seen proof of a funeral requested. It's not on

Which is exactly why I'd just ignore him, what's he going to do about it?

Which is exactly why I'd just ignore him, what's he going to do about it?

Declare it unauthorised (not that it matters). For me, it's the principle of the thing- it shouldn't be unauthorised because he should be using a modicum of common sense and human decency.

Ok so it seems “it is marked as unauthorised“ just means a different box is ticked in the register. This presumably makes the school “look bad” and let’s face it, in this instance, they are. We care not. Do not provide a death certificate. Inform them none of your children will be in on x and y date and ignore there ill mannered nonsense. Should they feel the need to pursue it further treat them with contempt they deserve.

Declare it unauthorised (not that it matters)

Whilst most LAs will not fine for a single absence if attendance is otherwise good, I believe there is at least one LA that fines for all unauthorised absence. I don't think the OP has told us which LA is involved. So it probably won't matter but no-one here can say that for certain.

Ours is 5 days. Check the school policy on their website x

op contact the funeral directors. Give them school email they will support you.

Go to funeral. Take your time as a family. Then when you are back write a letter to hear stating how disappointed you were about the schools insensitive handling of this matter in what was already a stressful time for your family and ask that they reconsider how they approach this in the future.

Lastly over the last 5 years. Both my mother and mil have passed. I in this have dealt with 3 schools. Not one of them asked for proof on first contact and for dd1 school this meant her missing a GCSE exam. As my mother didn't reside in the UK we needed 1 week off. Request for proof was asked for however was done in sensitive message that also conveyed the schools condolences and a offer for support for my dd. That is how a situation like this light to be handled. When my mil passed dd3 school offered counselling if she felt she needed it. Condolences were offered from all 3 schools and not one of them requested proof for day of funeral. However it should here be added mil s death was not sudden and all schools were aware she was gravely ill so they had some record.

If you do hand over a copy, redact everything except name and date of death. Plus HT shouldn't keep it. If they ask to ask them about GDPR to throw the legal obligations back at them.

Fo they need family tree records to prove its really MIL?

Sorry for your loss. And insensitive HT

Plus HT shouldn't keep it. If they ask to ask them about GDPR to throw the legal obligations back at them

There is nothing in GDPR that says they can't keep a copy. Apart from anything else, GDPR doesn't apply to a death certificate. GDPR only protects personal information relating to identifiable living people. It doesn't protect personal information relating to dead people.

Even if it was within the scope of GDPR, that doesn't stop them from keeping a copy without the OP's consent. Consent is not necessarily required for keeping personal information.

Sorry for your loss @Coo5

I imagine they're asking so that they can say they've done due diligence to ensure that it is actually a funeral. Not that that's right of course. Fine, if it was several occasions by the same person, then it would make sense to have that conversation but apparently we no longer live in that world.

To the poster who said people call their kids in sick to avoid a fine. Well yes, I imagine they do. When the government put in a system that fines parents, people will always look for a way to get around that. Whether it's right or wrong rarely comes into it.

I'd ignore them and let it go down as unauthorised. It's their figures........ it doesn't follow you round 🤷🏻‍♀️ and honestly having an unauthorised absence in primary school isn't going to matter.
They're not saying they'll fine you? Is it 5 days plus they fine for in your area?