August born boy - dilemma as to when to start school

[LoveMyCoffeeMachine]

Hi everyone, I know this topic has been covered many times now.. But agonising over it and would appreciate advice, experiences and any words of wisdom.

Our sweet, sensitive, eldest, just turned 3 ds is an august born boy - tall for his age, very chatty, at pre school, still a little shy but tends to enjoy himself once there. He is curious, loves learning and I have no concerns about him academically, socially or emotionally.

Our LEA (Hertfordshire) has made it very easy to defer entry so summer borns can start reception age 5. All secondaries will keep to this also so not overly concerned about later down the line.

All the research I read and friends who are infant school teachers and child psychologists all say that we would have nothing to lose and everything to gain from starting him at 5,that research has shown August born boys are more vulnerable to low self esteem, bullying, and that they are more likely to be diagnosed with SEN at primary age. The research has also found that birthdate alone is a significant factor, despite parental support, attention at home, etc.

Aarrggh!! What on earth do we do?? Our pre school is very supportive but also very neutral-they don't want to guide us either way, and say that actually either way could be fine. They also say that in the last year children who have deferred school entry purely because of birth date has tripled in their pre school cohort, and they feel it will become a much more common, mainstream option to take.

No other friends with summer born dcs seem to be worried about this, and are planning on sending them in their chronological year group.

Has anyone started their summer born child in reception age 5 and regretted it? Mums of older summer born boys - do you wish you could have deferred if it had been an option?

DH is very pro him starting later as he feels he would have more confidence and enjoy school more, I am very on the fence but would hate to see him struggling a few years down the line and feel we could have prevented it (at least partly) by taking the choice that we now have of starting reception age 5.

Am feeling this decision we make could have a big impact on his life and am pretty terrifed of making the wrong one.. Youngest in year and possibly struggle as a result (throughout school life) or older and possibly struggle/feel out of touch and perhaps be bored as a result.

I am an overthinker btw in case you haven't picked this up yet!!

Sorry for the rambling post.
Any advice appreciated xx

I am a teacher, and I would probably send an August-born to school the September later. I think you have nothing to lose, but lots to gain. They have their whole lives to be at school, one more year at nursery won't be harmful.

I’ve deferred my summerborn 29/8 girl.
She seems quite bright and confident, but she’s the youngest of five, so that has an effect too.
I was concerned that deferring may turn out to be the wrong decision, but she’s just turned 4 and could have started school this week. She’s clearly not mature enough and everyone agrees with me that deferring is the right decision.
It’s not just about starting school at 4: it’s the jump to more formal schooling st just 5 for year one, starting junior school at just 7, secondary at just 11 and sitting GCSEs at 15.
I feel confident in my decision now and can’t wait to see her play for another year before starting school.

Thank you Wallabyone!

What age do you teach? Have you had children in your class start later?

Neddle that is exactly it.. That jump from reception to year one is when I would worry, when play goes into more formal learning. That's great you feel confident in your decision, thank you for reassuring me

This year we have had some summer born Reception children staying a further year in reception mainly due to their social and emotional development, or recognised SEN. Others have stayed in Nursery rather than starting in Reception. I think it very much depends on the child, and what other provision they can access.

My friend had a August boy, a year after he started they said he was now ready for school! He was immature for his age and had she the option like you have I’m sure she would’ve delayed him! If he will stay in this year group all the way through his schooling I can only see positives! My DS (December baby) is only just emotionally ready for school, and I’m glad he is one of the older ones!

I have a summer born, I wish she had the option to be held back. Not so much primary but secondary, she was a whole year behind really emotionally, physically and coasted along I think had she been able to have that extra year she would have excelled on every level. Do it OP

No advice but watching as we have the same dilemma but exacerbated by the fact that our nearest school is an academy and won't allow deferrals. If we don't send DS there, then it will require a complete shake-up of all our wraparound care arrangements. And it's a school we were otherwise very impressed by on the nursery open day.

I can't see at the moment how our DS is going to be school-ready in a year's time.

I started school a year early as the youngest in my year, 2 weeks before my 4th birthday. I think mostly because all my ‘friends’ were moving from the school nursery to reception and the school was private so had no issue with it whatsoever. It’s never held me back. I also have a summer born DD and unless she’s very obviously struggling I’m adamant that she won’t defer. The only negative I personally encountered, and my summer born friends agree, is the hassle of trying to get into bars/clubs in upper 6th which from a parenting perspective isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

I’d look at your son as an individual rather than putting too much sway in research, do you feel that he is ready for school? Can he cope socially and academically? What about his friends, will they be starting school and leaving him behind at nursery if he doesn’t go too? Will there be an impact on secondary education?

Good luck with whatever you decide, it’s a tough decision to have to make.

When I was at school we had a child in our class who should have been in the year above but was out into our year because they were a summer born. He used to get teased for being 'thick' and the children said that was the reason he was held back so you might want to think about things like this. He was bullied quite badly.

My summer born child has just started reception without deferring, but I definitely considered it. I decided against it for a number of reasons:

1. I don't really agree with it as a policy. There will always be a youngest in the year, and letting people defer just increases the potential age gap in a class from a year to 16 months.

2. I wasn't sure if he would have to skip a year further down the line to catch up (although this doesn't sound like it's a problem for you).

3. I was reassured looking around the school that they do a lot of play in reception, so didn't seem like such a jump from preschool.

4. He has suddenly blossomed in the last few months (had considered just homeschooling if I didn't think he was ready), and is definitely ready to start school. There's a big gap between 3 and 4.

Saying all that, it doesn't seem to be a big thing here. Maybe if more people were doing it in my area then I may have made a different decision!

I'm a child psychologist specialising in education. If my son were summer born, I would defer unless he was particularly confident and independent. (Plenty of summer born children are!). But for me, defer would be the "default" option.

I'd be less concerned about cognitive readiness than emotional and social readiness.

I really like how Herts have approached this issue and I hope that other LAs follow suit.

My 2 just missed out on being able to defer. It would have been so beneficial.

Jbiscuits thank you- you have outlined all the reasons why I am so on the fence! Really glad you dc is enjoying school and settling well.

Also pinkhorse yes this is a fear I have that he may get singled out for being older, although am hoping that as it is getting more common to start later it msy not be the case. Thank you both for your replies xx

Whereisbluerabbit I feel for you.. Such a difficult decision anyway but academy makes it more difficult. Keep us posted and feel free to pm me if you need a moan or support with it xx

Tailsiwin and NWQM - thank you! NWQM wht do you wish you had deferred if you dont mind me asking? Xx

I deferred my August boy, he has just started Year R with no regrets whatsoever! He fits in perfectly with his cohort, and doesn't seem noticeably older than them as I had slightly feared. I can't tell you how glad I am we delayed his schooling. There is a facebook group called Flexible Schooling for Year R (I think) which you might find useful if you haven't seen it. There are loads of parents on there wanting to do the same.

His school and one of his preschools were, as you say, neutral (being kind). His Head said she was an August child and hadn't ever had a problem (she is a completely different sort of personality, very outgoing, unlike my son). Also like you friends with summer-born boys also didn't seem that bothered about it. But all kids are different. My DD is also summer born (albeit April) and I can't imagine having deferred her.

My son also attended a forest school preschool which supported me 100%. There were several other children there whose parents were doing similar or else home-schooling til they were 5 (or just home-schooling!) which made me realise I am not the only parent who objects to the 31st August cut off date for ALL children. I strongly feel that parents should have a choice and that it should be an accepted practice - as you say, it will probably become more of a mainstream thing to do eventually, like in Ireland (? Brain fog... possibly Scotland!)

I have a summer born boy. 21/8. If we'd deferred he'd have started in y1 which was the reason for not deferring.

There are times when I wish I had been able to defer- reception- end y3.

The last few years he's been fine and i couldn't imagine him fitting in the year below iyswim. - but i worry about high school.

I have friends with August born and they seem much more grown up than him in many ways. But when i see him with his friendship group they all seem the same- totally daft boys.

With hindsight and on balance I would have deferred if it had been an realistic option back then.

Holasoydora ah so glad for you.. It sounds like you had the same fears as me in terms of ds seeming really old compared to peers if starting at 5. Thank you

At three, my August born boy would stand outside the playground gate, peering in and say “why can’t I go too mummy”. So he went at 4 and two weeks.

ps like tailsiwin said (much better than I could!) my concerns about my son starting at four were emotional and social readiness not cognitive. (I didn't have those concerns about my DD who at the open day aged 3, waltzed in and joined the school library queue).

Palindromeam interesting to hear, sounds like he has caught up completely and settled with friends... Haha yes group of daft boys... Hope my ds's find little tribes like that! High school being younger is also a worry for me and the main reason my DH wants to stsrt YR at 5, so understand where you are coming from x

Lovemycoffeemachine oh yes, I overthought it for at least three years

My DD is summer born and started school this week

She has settled in so far very well and is loving it, the few criers Ive seen, some are a lot older in the year then her, not every autumn born is ready for school but you cant defer then.

I have a elder daughter who is an advanced autumn born child (yr3 now) and she was defiantly left to coast a bit in Y1 whilst lots of time was spent getting the other where they needed to be for y2 so there may be some advantage for being younger in the year

To be fair, it was a tiny rural school with an annual intake of about 15 so I wasn’t too worried.

It's a hard decision for all the reasons you've said.

If you can work out what it's saying - go with your gut for what's right for your ds. That said I can never work out what my gut says at times like this and would rather a spreadsheet told me the answer.

Good luck.