August born boy - dilemma as to when to start school

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Hi everyone, I know this topic has been covered many times now.. But agonising over it and would appreciate advice, experiences and any words of wisdom.

Our sweet, sensitive, eldest, just turned 3 ds is an august born boy - tall for his age, very chatty, at pre school, still a little shy but tends to enjoy himself once there. He is curious, loves learning and I have no concerns about him academically, socially or emotionally.

Our LEA (Hertfordshire) has made it very easy to defer entry so summer borns can start reception age 5. All secondaries will keep to this also so not overly concerned about later down the line.

All the research I read and friends who are infant school teachers and child psychologists all say that we would have nothing to lose and everything to gain from starting him at 5,that research has shown August born boys are more vulnerable to low self esteem, bullying, and that they are more likely to be diagnosed with SEN at primary age. The research has also found that birthdate alone is a significant factor, despite parental support, attention at home, etc.

Aarrggh!! What on earth do we do?? Our pre school is very supportive but also very neutral-they don't want to guide us either way, and say that actually either way could be fine. They also say that in the last year children who have deferred school entry purely because of birth date has tripled in their pre school cohort, and they feel it will become a much more common, mainstream option to take.

No other friends with summer born dcs seem to be worried about this, and are planning on sending them in their chronological year group.

Has anyone started their summer born child in reception age 5 and regretted it? Mums of older summer born boys - do you wish you could have deferred if it had been an option?

DH is very pro him starting later as he feels he would have more confidence and enjoy school more, I am very on the fence but would hate to see him struggling a few years down the line and feel we could have prevented it (at least partly) by taking the choice that we now have of starting reception age 5.

Am feeling this decision we make could have a big impact on his life and am pretty terrifed of making the wrong one.. Youngest in year and possibly struggle as a result (throughout school life) or older and possibly struggle/feel out of touch and perhaps be bored as a result.

I am an overthinker btw in case you haven't picked this up yet!!

Sorry for the rambling post.
Any advice appreciated xx

Oh, we're worrying about this now.
My summer-born DS is bright and confident and articulate and is doing well at nursery and I suspect will do fine in his own year group. Both DH and I are summer-borns and we both did very well academically at school. But we both struggled socially (I definitely noticed hitting puberty later than everyone else, though I didn't cotton on to the fact that it was because of my birthday). And we both struggled with sport etc too.
I don't want him to be bored at school (that study about a third of children starting school unable to speak in full sentences was a bit alarming. He can speak in full sentences and he's only just turned three.) But at the same time I really struggle with the idea of a child being in school when they were three the week before. And he loves his nursery. I just think he ought to be playing, not learning phonics.

Primary teacher here. I would always say defer if you are not sure. Ime you can see the gap between older and younger. Thankfully here in my part of Ireland people are tending towards sending kids to school later (not as rigid about school start age as in the UK afaik) and the difference in school readiness is massive.

I have one dc who is very young for their year and one dc who is very old for their year. School (both academically, but particularly socially) has been immeasurably easier for the "old" dc.

My son is only 14 months younger than his sister, so right from the first time he caught sight of her he’s been in a competition to be better than her. He is extremely independent, and could dress himself, do his seatbelt, ride a bike before she could. He also has phenomenal concentration on his arts and crafts. At the end of yr R his report said his was meeting all expectations and exceeding in technology. I think that he is unusual for summer born boys, as the teachers tell me they are the ones who struggle the most.

Because of the close age gap I’ve always treated them as equals really, which has probably helped him.

The only thing he struggled with was the long day.

In reception they only did one formal lesson a day and then it was basically free play and learning through play. So after seeing this with my first child, I was reassured it’s wasnt a lot different to preschool.

I’m just glad that the lessons are pitched a bit towards the youngest now, I suspect the school will not do so well on the phonics test report, but I don’t care. I think Yr 1 is where I will notice how hard it will be for him. We are spending a lot of time trying to learn numbers up to 100 but it’s not clicked yet, forget number bonds!!!

I'm struggling with the same decision for my just turned 4 year old. As things stand, she's going to start reception next year at the age of 5, and has just started at a private school nursery to give her a half way house between nursery and school. However the children in nursery seem a lot younger and I'm concerned she won't find friends (at her previous nursery, she gravitated towards older children). If we keep her at this school, we have until half term to make a final decision. I feel so conflicted. She's bright but at the moment enjoys drawing and painting and isn't very interested in learning to read, although she's inquisitive and keen to learn generally. I also feel a huge responsibility to get this right and there is no obvious answer.

My August born DS (pfb) is now 15 so we didn't have the option to defer. At the time I'm sure I wouldn't have done so anyway as he was used to a nursery setting a bright child. He didn't struggle academically during primary. However now that he is in secondary I see that it is really not all about their academic ability and the opportunity to have had an extra year to mature would have been a massive bonus in many ways. He is going to sit his GCSEs this year still aged 15 and I really don't think he is going to do as well as if he had benefitted from an extra year's maturity. I didn;t see this much at primary but the difference at this stage is noticeable, at least for my DS. So if I were doing it again I would defer because there isn't anything much to lose from it.

Interesting to hear from secondary perspective.. Thank you xx

My DS is August born. When he started school we didn't have your option to defer - he would have gone straight into year 1 and missed reception altogether. As a second-born child, he was eagerly following his big sister to big school, and we saw no real reason to push for anything else.

By year 1 his relative immaturity was obvious. He is now in year 6 and although he is catching up maturity-wise, it has been a hard slog and he is still behind on that score. He is bright, and loves science and maths, and his reading age is well in advance of his chronological age. But his resilience is much lower than many of his peers, and he finds it hard to motivate himself to write in any quantity - he has all the ideas, but applying himself to writing them down is too much effort. It has held him back, as whereas in KS1 the teachers could assess him but what he said and did, in KS2 they increasingly have to go on what he puts on paper.

If I knew then what I know now, and I had the choice to delay entry to reception, I would do it in a heartbeat.

JennyWren am sorry to hear your son has struggled, thank you for your insight.

Zyxbca good luck with your decision, I cant offer advice but feel for you, it seems like there is no clear answer😞

Good luck cheerfulmuddler - I could have written your response exactly xx

My eldest is a July born. We delayed his start and he began reception at five years, seven weeks old. It was the best decision we have ever made. He would have really struggled at four as he is emotionally very sensitive and anxious. The extra year at nursery made all the difference. He has just started year one and is thriving, yet no one would know that he is over a year older than some, he's actually one of the smaller children in the class.

In contrast, our May born started reception this year at four years, three months and is very, very ready.

It completely depends on the child. As a mother, trust your instinct, you know what's right for your child.

Just a tip, when requesting a delay, state in your letter that he will be starting at compulsory school age and ask which year it would be in his best interests to start. Mention that missing the vital first year of school would be at a detriment to him. NEVER ask if he can start at compulsory school age, it gives them the option to say no!

Yes a very easy decision and fortunately our school and local authority ( not as permissive as Herts) agreed with us. I have been a primary teacher and my main concern was the transition to year 1. I have worked in other countries which start later too and I feel quite strongly that we expect too much too young in the UK.

My DC had some speech and general delay which would have been labelled as SEND at 4. Another year in the EYFS has allowed them to catch up and they are now exactly where they should be.

If there is so much to gain and you have the choice, why wouldn’t you?

I have summer born boys and I wish they could have started a year later - there is still a large gap in maturity (year 3). Good luck with your choice.

My very late summer born DD went in her usual year group and has been fine.

Unless I really had concerns as to how he would manage, I wouldn't defer.

You also need to check the secondary school's policy as some secondary schools here do t allow it, so they have to go into the eight year at secondary school, which I think is much worse than starting at just 4.

If there is so much to gain and you have the choice, why wouldn’t you?

It's several things for me. I don't want him to be bored at school, and I do have friends who's children are. I know 3 is far too young to be making assumptions about your child's intelligence, and he certainly isn't a genius or anything like that, but he is bright, and if he was right at the top of a class with children who couldn't speak in sentences, I think that could put him off.

I also don't want him to feel like we put him down a year because we had low expectations - like he ought to be in the year above and we didn't think he could cope. I don't think they'll be many children kept back where we live, and I wouldn't want him to feel bad about it when he's older.

Also, bluntly, he's in full-time nursery now, so it's a decision that would cost us thousands of pounds in childcare. Which is money which then isn't there to be spent on something else. And although actually his nursery is at the other end of town, so his friends won't be in his class, that would certainly be a decision if he went to a school preschool, as school is much easier if you have friends already in your class.
That's why I hesitate.

Oh, and DH thinks it's a policy which widens inequality - because only a certain sort of parent does it, and because if children with June birthdays are allowed to do it, you end up with 15-month differences between eldest and youngest, which makes life even harder for the smallest children. I'm not so sure I buy that one, as I think having mature, well-behaved children in your class is an advantage to everyone - having children who are too immature to sit quietly and listen and who take up all the teacher's time is a detriment to everyone's education. But that's his argument.

My DS is Summer born and we didn't defer because he is bright and independent. He was also almost reading by the time he started school, was very interested in letters and numbers and was getting bored in preschool. However there is a child in the class who is over a year older the my DS and I think the Mum made the right decision as the child fits in well and might not have with the older year group.

As well as your child's personality, if you can, it might be worth considering the class they might end up in. This will depend on the size of the school but if it is a single form entry school with an attached preschool you may be able to get an idea. I'm quite glad my son is not in the year above or below, knowing some of the issues with kids and parents in those years.

My daughter is a 31/8 birthday and started reception just 4 days after her fourth birthday which she was utterly ready for. Whilst other older kids clung to their mums on the first day DD waggled her finger at me and hissed 'don't come in with me'.

Emotionally she struggled a bit (got upset when people didn't want to be her friend or were nasty) however academically she has always held her own. She finished primary this year with fantastic sats results and despite being the youngest in the year is fantastic at sport. A national champion at her age level in her main sport and a top county player at the age group 2 years above. Just started secondary and she is top set in everything.

We also have a late July born DS and he is doing amazingly too - completely surprised me as I thought he wasn't ready. He was reading 2 weeks after starting school and has just posted 100% scores in all his yr 2 sats. We didn't have the choice of deferring (we are Herts too) but am very glad I didn't as I think it would not have given them any advantage and improved what they have already achieved.

Hi everyone, up with my 11 month old who loves 4.30 wake ups at the moment 🙈🙈🙈😴

Anyway just found this really interesting research done in the USA on adolescent boys who have been 'redshirted' ie summer borns held back. The researcher looked at their life satisfsction as a teenager and response was overwhelming in terms of the boys who had gone to school later were happier, more confident and were happy with their decision. Here is a link:

www.cultofpedagogy.com/red-shirting

I think cheerfulmuddler that you are right to be unsure for your reasons - in terms of the boys feeling like it was a reflection on their ability later in life, and also the fact it isnt completely mainstream here that is putting me off, I would hate for DS to be more vulnerable to bullying when older if the kids picked out that he 'should' or could be in the older year.

It is such a dilemma!

I think this term I will visit school open days, talk to the teachers and heads and get more of an idea - maybe they are seeing this more often and in that case we will be more likely to send in 2020. Also sounds crazy but I am going to try and talk to heads of secondary schools to see what they think. Planning to apply for school this year anyway and keep options open. I just want to feel peaceful about whatever decision we make...but not sure that will happen this year.

Another rambling post, I really could talk about this for hours!

These threads always puzzle me.

OP, reread your post. Nowhere do you discuss a single argument in favor of starting school at 4. You state that the research and advice of the experts you know is unequivocal yet you are unsure. It's not confusing!

Keep in mind that it's not that relevant to assess how mature/confident the child is now. The times that are important are ages 8-9, when math gets harder, and puberty. You have no way of knowing now how that will go.

I am American so the system is a bit different, but we also start school at 5, as long as the child will turn 5 by a date in the autumn. Deferring is popular. We were in an area where deferring isn't allowed so we moved states due to our DD's November birthday. If we hadn't had that option we would have done private school.

She does well in school and is pretty well adjusted. Not deferring would have been a disaster.

I don’t understand what your reasons would be for not deferring. I would definitely start a summer born child later, there doesn’t seem to be any advantage to not doing.

It is very obvious to me that being older in the year is an advantage. I'm not only talking about measurable achievements but more about maturity.

My August born DS is 19 now, but with the advantage of hindsight, if it had been an option to defer back then I would have done. DS really struggled for the first few years at primary school as he was just not ready. He did ok as he got older, but ended up doing an extra year at sixth form so I'd now starting uni a year later. Which is all fine, but would have been so much easier do him just to have started a year later.

I have an August born boy. He’s now in year 2, having started reception aged 4. I really thought about deferring. However I decided not to for several reasons :

1. The pre school he went to was abroad - he went full time, could write his name, count up to 100, so he had a good start and had the momentum going.
2. I spoke to our LEA, and they said I could defer but if the following year was over subscribed with the correct chronological year group then my ds would go to the bottom of the pile , so I might not have got the school I wanted.
3. I spoke to his school and the reassured me that his year in take was top heavy for summer borns, so he would be ok.

I started him in the end and he’s been fine academically. He is a bit smaller but hopefully will catch up. He’s exceeding at reading etc and I have no concerns about him.
However if I had to choose again I would defer him. I think it’s an added advantage to be the eldest, biggest etc.
I regularly wish I had deferred him still.

I didn’t have to make a choice as my DC is the oldest in the class with a September birthday (1/09) and was five before starting school. I got to enjoy an extra year with her at home (she went to nursery three days a week but we had one or two days off together in the week) and she was definitely ready for school when she went.

She went into school mature, confident and already ahead (she had been reading and writing at nursery) and it’s stayed that way. She has done really well, her report was exceeding for everything, she had one of the bigger speaking roles in the school nativity, she won her races at sports day by a long way. None of this by virtue of being better, just by being the oldest. But then her ‘achievements’ have boosted her confidence no end and I think it’s this inner confidence that will hopefully stay with her. She had an excellent year at school. If I had a late August born DC and the opportunity to defer I would, having had the oldest in the year I’ve seen the difference that year makes. My younger DC is May born and will feel young starting school.