I'm Officially the craziest, stupidest mum ever

[Beba11]

Right...so I've been battling over two different primary schools since January. I have written several posts about this dilemma. I just want confirmation that I am seriously messed up and no one has ever done this except me...?!
So for the on time applications in January I was back and forth with these two schools (A&B). Boys are in school A nursery. At 10pm I put school B as their choice. As soon as I did this I panicked and changed it back to school A, just minutes before the deadline. The next day I regretted it and wondered why I didn't chose school B. So I did a late application and prayed for months I'd get school B. In May we got an offer for school B. I hesitated and couldn't decide. After accepting, a few hours later I got in a panic, called admissions and asked them to inform the acceptance as I was in tears and they agreed so I was back on school A. I was fine for a few days and the. I was like 'what have I done'? So I put myself back in the waiting list after a week or rejecting it. About a month late run July we got an offer again for school B. I rejected it again. I left it over August as felt better about the whole thing but them suddenly in August I wanted school B again and put us back In the list. Now we have another offer and I am unsure whether to accept. What does this mean? When I don't have school B I put myself in the waiting list, but when it comes I don't want it anymore. Am I scared to change? On four occasions I had the chance to change schools and I didn't. Is this just a fear of change or a gut instinct or am I just a complete idiot?!

I think it's a fear of making the "wrong" choice. But the thing is that you need to stop doing this, accept an offer and don't change it. Your children will be absolutely fine in either school.

When are they actually due to start at the school?

In the nicest possible way (really)

Get a fucking grip and make a decision.

Jesus. You're a complete idiot. Just make a decision and stick to it.

Just why? It's really not that difficult, is it?!
Yep, you really are the 'craziest' mum there is

I know I know! Why can't I do it? Seriously, with almost everything in my life I cannot make decisions and it's affecting everything I do. I'm already seeing a councillor, having CBT, on propranolol for anxiety but nothing is helping. This behaviour is not normal and it's impacting my family. I've become a joke to them

what does this mean?
That you are a lunatic?

*meant counsellor

It means you care deeply about your children and are desperate to make the right decision. School is only one factor in their happiness and once they start you'll calm down. Have you ever thought you might have ADHD? I have a horrible time making decisions and it stems from that. Just a thought.

Can you pass the decision over to your husband/partner? Let them deal with anything to do with this for now.

Does your family know that this behaviour is part of your illness?

Is the DC's dad around to help with the decision?

Why can't you choose between the 2? Would it be possible to change at a later stage if the first choice does not work out (obviously can't keep changing your mind once the DC are at school)

Why not let the father have input, what is his opinion?

Imagine how much additional work you've put admissions and the school through and the ongoing administrative nightmare for several people at least - they must surely be at a point where a decision will be made for you.

Surely term has started already too? Will you be able to get uniform & kit list etc sorted in time, are they missing the settling in days (ours had one at the end of the previous term where they met their new classmates and teacher and had a tour of the school etc and lots of induction and getting to know sessions at the beginning of term to get them settled, if they are missing them surely it'll be a lot harder for the kids).

Is their father involved, could he make the decisions and leave you out of it, does he know that it is part of a mental health issue (using the word crazy isn't ideal btw)? It does sound like very odd behaviour - but at least you are recognising it and getting help, I hope it gets resolved quickly.

For god sake woman make a decision or they might not accept your application again. Why would you change school anyway?

What are the pros and cons of each school?
Writing things down sometimes helps to make a decision.
They will be fine with whichever school they go. They just need to be supported at home.

It doesn't matter which school is the final decision at this point. A decision needs to be made and stuck to. It's not really about the schools, it's a symptom of the issues that the OP is dealing with. If it wasn't this, it would be another decision.

Shouldn't they have started school by now?

They are due to start school A on Monday but we have an offer letter for school B which must be decided by tomorrow. In terms of uniform it's pretty similar, just jumper I would need to order but they probably won't wear that for the next week or so anyway.

What are the distances to each school?

Distance is pretty much the same. School A had an outstanding infants, good juniors (currently rebuilding its reputation and improving from a RI period a couple of years back). School B is good, a lot smaller, historically more reputable.

@chipsandgin I am also surprised that admissions have allowed this. I honestly thought they would ban me from waiting lists as a result. I realise that people are on waiting lists for both schools and trust me, I feel absolutely awful.

it's a very hard decision but I don't think you can keep chopping and changing at this stage I imagine you've told your children all about the school they are going too and you said they go to nursery there and they will have done settling in days ECT so do you think they would cope with everything suddenly changing last minute ? now if you had serious concerns about school a and had been desperately hoping for school b this full time I would say take b and just try and reassure the boys as much as possible but it is very late to be changing everything for them but is sounds like you do like school a aswell so on balance I would probably stick with a at this point. Obviously only you can make the choice and once they have started it's a lot harder to move them. Have any of your family visited both schools or did you go alone ? I'm just wondering if there is someone you can trust who can help you make the decision. Also have you done a pro and con list for each school? do you know anyone at each school with older children who can give a honest opinion ?

Fecks sake - have you got a job? If not, get one. Making an opera about every aspect of your kids life is going to seriously screw up your family if you keep this up. Seriously - you need to move beyond obsessing about your kid's choice of school - this is a sure sign you need more in your life.

Oh dear you are already creating a life of misery for your kids

Send one to each. Hth.