I'm Officially the craziest, stupidest mum ever

[Beba11]

Right...so I've been battling over two different primary schools since January. I have written several posts about this dilemma. I just want confirmation that I am seriously messed up and no one has ever done this except me...?!
So for the on time applications in January I was back and forth with these two schools (A&B). Boys are in school A nursery. At 10pm I put school B as their choice. As soon as I did this I panicked and changed it back to school A, just minutes before the deadline. The next day I regretted it and wondered why I didn't chose school B. So I did a late application and prayed for months I'd get school B. In May we got an offer for school B. I hesitated and couldn't decide. After accepting, a few hours later I got in a panic, called admissions and asked them to inform the acceptance as I was in tears and they agreed so I was back on school A. I was fine for a few days and the. I was like 'what have I done'? So I put myself back in the waiting list after a week or rejecting it. About a month late run July we got an offer again for school B. I rejected it again. I left it over August as felt better about the whole thing but them suddenly in August I wanted school B again and put us back In the list. Now we have another offer and I am unsure whether to accept. What does this mean? When I don't have school B I put myself in the waiting list, but when it comes I don't want it anymore. Am I scared to change? On four occasions I had the chance to change schools and I didn't. Is this just a fear of change or a gut instinct or am I just a complete idiot?!

You are being crazy over this but it's in no way amusing. The thought of the extra work you are causing a no doubt overstretched admissions department should be enough to stop you messing around.

Your kids will be fine with the school you commit to but you need to make that commitment. They should be looking forward to starting school and I'd have thought that good preparation for that would be them knowing where they're going.

I would read through both Ofsted reports for the school and speak with your children too. It will be very unsettling to move them unless it's necessary. If they are settled, have good friends then I wouldn't worry.
🙂🍰☕️💐

If they're already familiar with school A - keep them there.

And get a grip

Which school do the kids think they are going to?
Choose that one

OP already said this behaviour is due to her mental health issues so telling her to get a grip and that she is a lunatic is shitty

Sorry, missed the part where you said they've not started.
I'd choose the school where the majority of their friends are going.
I prefer smaller primary schools too but that's just my opinion.

Wow some nasty comments, if you don't have anything helpful to say DFOD.
I thought you might have MH issues before you mentioned it OP, been there and indecision is horrible. Have you talked about this with your counsellor? If not, I really would. Tbh I think you might need more help, it doesn't sound like what you have is working.
I would leave it at school A, because your kids already know it through the nursery and are expecting to go there. I don't think you're sensing a problem with school A. Tell yourself that's the decision made, issue over. If you end up really unhappy with school A you can of course move them, but give it a chance and please get help

I think you are very lucky here op because you could have ended up with nothing.

You need to make a decision. This isn't fair on your children at all. Both schools must already think you are crazy so i would expect that.
I get that this is important but the rate you have been chopping and changing is ridiculous.

I assumed from your title that this would be a lighthearted thread but it's an absolute joke.
You cannot go through their school lives being like this as it will definitely affect them.
What if you want to move them in a few weeks/months and they are settled and have made friends?

Make your decision. And own it.

No it’s not even slightly amusing. Poor you, but you know either is fine. And then they may have problems in either.

Take each day as it comes. Stick with a. If they are in the feeder nursery and no huge difference in school, your dc will benefit from established friendships.

Added benefit: school a haven’t been messed around with this obsession you have had over the past months.

You need to really work hard in counselling. This problem will impact on your dc. There isn’t always a right or wrong decision.

Good luck.

Seriously, you need to get a grip. Both schools sound fine.

@Beba11 just stuck with where they are now.

You have got to get a grip and be a mum and focus on them now settling at school A

What are your reasons for liking each school?

You need to write a pros and cons list for each and choose based on that. Once you have chosen and start to change your mind again (which you will) you need to go back to the list and remember why that school stood out to you.

Your boys are in school A already and familiarity is important but not the be all and end all. They will adapt to the new school and make new friends. Their personality and learning style should be taken into consideration as some kids do better in smaller schools.

Take the emotional side out of it, it's affecting your decision.

We moved and I put my kids into the larger local school and regretted it after about 4 months. It was just too big. We finished out the year and even though my kids has established friendships, we moved them to a smaller school. They made new friends and are thriving. I don't regret moving them.

You need to promise yourself that you won’t move them once they have started. And I say that as someone who has done plenty of moving myself.

Send them to school A. It’s not a black and white decision. It’s not an excellent education or being eaten by crocodiles you are choosing between. Both schools are fine.

Where do your children think they’re going? It must be confusing for them. DD1 started last week and she knew where she was going from April, went to the inductions, knew who was in her class, tried on her uniform, looked at the website and school dinner menu etc and I think it made the transition much easier when she started.
Is the DC’s father around?

No you're not I am. I'm procrastinating today obviously. Hopefully this can make you feel better for 2 seconds. You've already went to primary school, you really would hate to go back there again don't you ? It's their life, not yours, pick one, stick with it. You've got to get uniforms sorted and everything, you are making Your life a misery. There is already one place when you're not looking good, in a perfectionist world the red flags popping up has to stop right now. Have a nice day. It's not the end of the world. If you stop.

Sorry you are finding this so difficult OP

Another voice here suggesting you get your thoughts down on paper. It might help you to see things a bit more clearly and stem the panic.

Pros and cons list is clear and simple

Slightly more complex is the "brain" list (benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition {what does your gut say?}, nothing {i.e. what happens if you do nothing})

There are also more complicated exercises where, for example you assign numerical values to each factor you are considering and then add them up to give you a mathematical score for each one. I'm wondering if that might free you up from some of the emotional turmoil?

As pp have said, your DC will likely be happy at either school so this exercise is really about you feeling ok.

Are you having treatment for the anxiety?

You want to know that you can go to B but you don't really want B. You have your answer. Follow your Gut feeling. Stick with A.

Sorry, just see that you are having treatment for anxiety sorry- it's early!

Have you spoken to your counsellor about this?
Just wondering if it might help to unpick why it's such a difficult decision for you

School B if it is smaller imho.

Poor you OP, anxiety is awful. Have you asked your children if they have a preference? Normally I wouldn't suggest it but I think if they were adamant they wanted to go to one it may stop you being quite so concerned you are making a mistake.

Go to school A.
It sounds like the one they are used to as they are at nursery there. Bigger choice of friends (important in KS2 when they get more discerning).

As a previous poster said, what school do the children think they are going to? Choose that one. Write down the positives for choosing that one so you can refer to it when you get anxious.

Your behaviour will be impacting on your DCs life, if not now, in the future. It impacts on admissions staff work too. It isn’t in the least amusing or some kind of ‘joke’.

Time to stop your anxiety dominating your life OP. Try mindfulness as a helpful technique....noticing when you feel anxious, taking some deep breaths and letting the anxiety pass. Get the piece of paper out to remind yourself why you chose the school you did. As a previous poster said, perhaps you need more in your life to focus on....a job perhaps?....a regular commitment?.....voluntary work? Meaningful occupation can help you focus on what matters because at the moment you seem to be investing your time in worrying about what doesn’t!

Thank you everyone, so much for your time on a busy Thursday morning! Honestly, even the harsh comments telling me to get a grip is also what I need. I need to know this is madness and how it appears to other people because at least then I know I definitely need help. I asked DH this morning and he said leave them at school A so I just declined the other school offer via email. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off me. My DH said it best to leave them where they are for now and deal with any issues later but we should at least give school A a chance. The only thing I have to deal with now is not thinking about whether I made the right decision all the time. So if a problem arises at this school, I can deal with it there and then without thinking 'I should have sent them to school B' etc...

I work with the school admissions team, their job is difficult trying to please everyone.

They will put their foot down eventually if you keep swopping. It's not fair on them or other parents is it!

Admissions won't be able to ban you from waiting lists but when your phone number shows up their hearts may sink at little