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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Head phoned and asked me to collect DS1

87 replies

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2007 11:11

I've just collected DS1 (8) from school. The head phoned and asked me to collect him, as he had refused to go into his class this morning ( I have had trouble getting him into school lately, and he's missed 5 days, as I couldnt' physically get him in)

When he is in school he's perfectly happy, it's just the transition of going in.

Any advice at all would be very gratefully recived

OP posts:

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Sparkler1 · 25/05/2007 11:12

Would you consider going in for a couple of days, gradually reducing to mornings, then an hour or two as a parent helper in his class? Would the teacher's allow you to. You may need to be CRB checked though.
Do you think your son would go in with you being there?

Sparkler1 · 25/05/2007 11:14

Maybe someone else could take him to school rather than you? Dad, grandma or maybe he could walk to school with a friend and their parent? Maybe he would go in with them instead for a few days?

What do you think the problem could be? Is he having problems with other children in his class?

cornsilk · 25/05/2007 11:15

My ds(9) has the same problem. Some days he refuses point blank. We have a good relationship with the head who is very supportive and positive with him when he arrives at school - tick sheets and stickers for getting there on time etc. A good relationship with the school is vital (altho they think our parenting skills are crap I'm sure!)I would make an appointment to see the head and ask how school can support you with this.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2007 11:17

I have suggested this to DS, but hes really doesn't want me to go in and help.

OP posts:

Sherbert37 · 25/05/2007 11:17

Can he have a special job to do (watering a plant, cleaning the board) when he first goes in? Or a book with colourful stickers for each day he doesn't make a fuss? Or the promise of something nice to do after school?Or pay him (seriously, a few pennies each day has worked for my DS2 for everything from going to bed and staying in bed to doing his Toe by Toe dyslexia book). I had this for years and it is soul destroying. You do just need to break the cycle, but then weekends come along and it starts all over again. Hope it improves soon.

Dogsby · 25/05/2007 11:17

well dont ask HIM

Ladymuck · 25/05/2007 11:19

I'm afraid that my first resposne is "what a useless headmaster!" Surely he could come up with a better alternative than that.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2007 11:19

Cornsilk, so my ds is't the only child to do this. Please tell me more. What do you do with him when he doesn't go in? Do you do work with him at home?

OP posts:

Sobernow · 25/05/2007 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornsilk · 25/05/2007 11:20

Sherbert - I agree it's about breaking the cycle(which we haven't yet). Sorry to hijack this thread but I'm so relieved that we're not the only ones with this problem - whilst sympathising with you Lynette, it's a nightmare I know.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2007 11:23

We've been told to get a clinical psychologist to to to him to find out why he doesn't like shool. The thing is he's mostly OK in shool, it's just the transition.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 25/05/2007 11:24

Oh dear . We had a problem with DS#1 going into school from Reception ot half way through Yr2. Crying, clinging to me, refusing to let me leave. Horrible . What helped (not solved it - that was down to DS#1 changing his attitude finally) was the teacher asking him to come into class before the bell to do some 'jobs'. Me leaving him with someone else before the bell rang - didn't often let me though.

The bell and the moment of him leaving me was the crunch point. He'd be fine up till that point and fine a few mins later. So we tried to avoid it as much as possible.

DominiConnor · 25/05/2007 11:26

In this sort of case, what do they do if they can't get hold of you ?
Or if you are so far way you can't get there, or simply refuse ?

cornsilk · 25/05/2007 11:26

Lynette - we have never kept him off because of it. Only once have we had to actually bundle him into the car- Head came out to carpark and got him out of the car then.But it affects both my dh and my jobs drastically because we're always late. Luckily we have supportive employers. Bit worried about the neighbours tho - the screams from our house in the morning!

Sobernow · 25/05/2007 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornsilk · 25/05/2007 11:30

I find that if he's got a friend coming for tea it's easier. Also if he's got something cool to show to his mates. They're not meant to bring anything in but if it makes it easier for us I sometimes turn a blind eye.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2007 11:31

Oh, we too have had the head come to the car park to get DS out of the car. DS refused point blank. He is very stubborn. I don't work, so it's been far to easy for me to take him home again, and DS is self emplyed, so unless he has an appointment, it doesn't matter about him being a bit late for work.
WE've been looking to the school for support a stratagies. They've admitted they're at a loss. I can see I'm going to have to take charge of the situation and tell them what to do.

OP posts:

cornsilk · 25/05/2007 11:35

You can buy reward sheets, bookmarks from the sticker factory. If school are not going to pull their fingers out and come up with strategies to support you I would present them with something like that. They might get the hint.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 25/05/2007 11:41

In the past we haven't had much luck with sticker charts in the(DS tends to destroy them), but it's definately wrth trying again. The head has asked us to make another apt' with GP, as if the GP might be able to get the clinical pshyc' apt' pushed forward , DH says he'll come along. It's at 12.05. so I have to go now.

It's good to know I'm not the only person who's ever gone through this.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 25/05/2007 11:49

Don't the school have access to the Ed Psych? It should be as simple as the Head making a referral.

I'm sure this 'transition' problem can't be THAT unusual and should be something an Ed Psych has seen before. It is a shame the school don't have more approaches to try, they do sound a bit useless.

I think one key thing is they are not helping your ds by asking you to collect him. If he refused to go in his class they sghould have sat him by the head's room or in the welfare room or somewhere.

If it was me I'd pursue an Ed Psych appointment because they may have some more practical strategies for you. Good luck.

lizyjane · 25/05/2007 12:35

I believe a child has to be on the special needs register for at least two terms before they have any chance of seeing an Ed Psych, unfortunately.

Don't understand the point of phoning you to come and collect your ds, this will surely make the problem worse in the long run. It is sending the message to him that he will get to go home if he wants to.

I have found involving children in the process of making sticker charts can help them have a sense of ownership, iykwim. Especially if they are very boy orientated, like a goal to fill with footballs, or a race track with a car you move along it to get to the finish line.

SpringBunny · 25/05/2007 12:45

My ds did not like the generic sticker charts either.

What worked for him was agreeing something he really wanted; we would then buy it and take a picture to print out on the bottom of the sticker chart which was then laminated (less chance of destruction). He got the toy (or whatever) once the sticker chart was full.

Actually having a concrete target that he could see he was working towards worked wonders for him.

Good luck

HonoriaGlossop · 25/05/2007 12:48

oh didn't realise that lizy

Then I think Lynette you'll have to do as you said and TELL the school what to do.

Write a letter listing what you want them to do. Clearly state the problem is only with the transition and that what you want them to do is: (for instance, you don't want him to be sent home for refusing but instead another place be chosen for him etc etc)

Have they tried a teacher or helper coming out to take him from you?

Is it always you taking him? Would the transition be any easier for him if it was his dad he was leaving, rather than you?

Can you and your DH present a united front and put a full stop to the not being able to physically get him in; it may be harder for him to refuse you both.

ConnieDescending · 25/05/2007 12:48

hmmm, if it was just actually going into the classroom that was the problem then I would just physically bundle him in everyday - job done.(unless of course there were other problems but that wasn't alluded to in your post).

Celia2 · 25/05/2007 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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