Deputy head poked my DD in her back!

[Yogeybear89]

Hi everyone I’m new to this site, But could do with some advice please;
So my DD pulled another child’s hair in the play ground at lunch today.
Which I do not condone in the slightest, cut a long story short.
When she went back to class, she was told to go to reception class ( DD in year 3) for isolation.
As it happened at lunchtime she should of been giving a blue slip and tomorrow she stays in at lunchtime with head teacher and write our golden rules.
So the deputy head went to get DD from the reception class to take her back to her class, my DD was facing the wall reading her book when deputy head came in, My DD told me that the deputy head came up behind her poked her in the shoulder and said “come with me”.
I asked DD to show me exactly what deputy did and it wasn’t pleasant!
So went in to school and confronted deputy head in front of head teacher.
Of course she denied it and played it down, so I asked my DD is that how deputy head did it?
As she had both of them staring at her as well as me she just put her head down. I apologised to the deputy if she had not done what DD claim, she accepted and that was that.
Walking literally out of the school doors my DD started to cry and said to me “mummy she did do it the way I showed you I’m not lying I promise”,I said to her so why did you just put your head down when I asked in front of them? DD “cause they where staring at me and felt scared”, I reassured DD nothing to be scared of and when she did it why did she not say “ don’t do that! That hurt me” DD said “ cause you are not allowed to answer adults back”, I told her you say that to anyone if they hurt you teacher, adult, kids whoever!
I’ve had running’s with deputy in past and caught her bare face lying to me, which I confronted her about and she and I have never spoken until today.
DD ain’t no angel obviously by pulling another child’s hair!...But I know she is telling the truth and do not believe the deputy in the slightest, now people may think well I have had runnings with deputy before so I may have it in for her? No I don’t I have much better things to think about than her!
So head believes deputy as DD bowed her head.
What should I do cause I know a million percent she is telling the truth and it is killing me inside that deputy has got away with it and I seriously feel I have let my DD down?!
Please help?!

[Yogeybear89]

Bees mist ;
That is what I thought at first?
So asked her to explain and show me as she kept saying poked me in the shoulder, to which I asked her to show me and she did.
To which I went in and asked for both head and deputy, to which I said to deputy “ could you please explain to me why my DD has told me you have poked her in her shoulder, and then said to her “ come with me”?

[Nicknacky]

Why did you drag your daughter into this confrontation?

[Scabetty]

I would focus on your daughter’s hair pulling. That is nasty for a year 3 child. She deserves a good poke for that.

[Yogeybear89]

Was not stageing a sit in!
Was told it would be finished very soon to which I said I will sit and wait, I don’t live close to the school and I had serious concerns about my other daughter, who had been bullied for 6 months solid until it stopped and then she showed the same signs it was happening again and turn out it was!

[Lanaa]

Wow! I bet you're the talk of the staff room OP. You sound ridiculous, do you march into school, frothing at the mouth over every tiny issue?

[Nicknacky]

So you make an appointment at a time that suits everyone.

[Starlight2345]

@Roses said exactly what I was thinking.


What have you said to your Dd about her behaviour?

[Yogeybear89]

It was the deputy that did that as DD and DC where on a sofa with doors shut with glass windows so obviously they can be observed

[Nicknacky]

Deputy that did what?

[Neverwrestlewithapig]

Top advice from @RainAndRoses!

[Yogeybear89]

Nope I don’t !
Sorry that you don’t find having your child been bullied an issue!

[Pengggwn]

Yogeybear89

You don't have the right to March in and demand a meeting with someone who has their own schedule to manage, OP. It is rude. You arrange a time like everyone else.

[Nicknacky]

It is an issue but you need to deal with it in the correct manner.

I imagine the parents of the child that your daughter bullied will also make an appointment....

[corcaithecat]

Have you made your daughter apologise to the other child for pulling her hair or are you twisting it so that your daughter suddenly becomes the victim?
I don't think you're doing your DD any favours here by running to the school to complain about the teacher when the reality is that your DD is a nasty bully.

[UnderthePalms]

I think Rains is right. The problem is your dd knows that if she's naughty at school she can deflect blame onto a teacher and you'll go storming in.

[feliciabirthgiver]

Generation Snowflake

[Yogeybear89]

As for my DD who pulled a child’s hair!
She was told how disgusting her behaviour was, No playing out, No iPad , Nothing! For this week and school holidays!...
She was giving paper and pen to write a apology letter to the other child...to which I also apologised to the child’s parent as did my DD

[isthisspring]

I am sorry your dc was bullied, that is very stressful for you. Like most other professional settings it is usual to make an appointment if you want to talk through a serious issue. Turning up unannounced is not helpful for yourself or the teaching staff.
The shoulder poking is a separate issue and in all honesty if my dc came home complaining of this when they were in isolation for hurting another dc I want to focus on their behavior not the teachers. I think you have your priorities askew here.

[eggncress]

Your daughter follows cues from you. She may have mentioned the poke( tap?) as she wasn’t sure about it and wanted your reassurance. Instead, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and encouraging her to feel like she’s been abused and she’s getting distressed over it !
If there is no bruising it’s nothing to worry about.
Are you trying to get the teacher charged with assault ?

[Yogeybear89]

I do not dispute in the slightest that DD was wrong very wrong!
She is not a bully @corcaithecar!
Her and other child had verbal dispute to which myDD pulled her hair, Which is completely disgusting and she was dealt with seriously at school and at home!
Which still does not give a teacher the authority to poke her in the shoulder!
First incident of this kind ever now you claim she a bully!

[Nicknacky]

You have handled this really badly and you need to see that. A teacher has touched your child, that’s all.

Stop flying off the handle at the school.

[upsideup]

As for my DD who pulled a child’s hair!
She was told how disgusting her behaviour was, No playing out, No iPad , Nothing! For this week and school holidays!
She was giving paper and pen to write a apology letter to the other child to which I also apologised to the child’s parent as did my DD

Christ! Thats way too extreme for a 7 year old. She was already punished at school, a chat about why she did it, making sure she apologised and telling her not to do it again would have been fine.
No wonder she felt the need to lie/exagerate to you, you're scaring me quite a bit.

[steppemum]

OP
you escalate everything. Even the punishment for hair pulling is massively OTT.

No 1 rule with kids and schools

work with them not against them

no 2 rule.

Don't belittle/confront/accuse teacher in front of your child.

ask to speak to them at a time that works, and then leave child in reception while you talk to the member of staff.

You are teaching her that she doesn't have to listen to them, and that when something goes wrong you should through a strop. Wonder if that was the rout of the hair pulling?

Things happen in life. Learn for yourself and teach your children to be resilient. Don't raise a big issue about every small thing

[Yogeybear89]

No I’m not thinking about getting the teacher charged with assault was asking for advice as I believe my daughter, and people on here think I have disgusted this in front of her which every normal parent wouldn’t dream of doing just like my self but there is that many uneducated judgemental morons on here it actually mind blowing

[Nicknacky]

You HAVE discussed it in front of her.

And I would rethink your “uneducated” comment and read over your own posts if you want to throw stones.