Deputy head poked my DD in her back!

[Yogeybear89]

Hi everyone I’m new to this site, But could do with some advice please;
So my DD pulled another child’s hair in the play ground at lunch today.
Which I do not condone in the slightest, cut a long story short.
When she went back to class, she was told to go to reception class ( DD in year 3) for isolation.
As it happened at lunchtime she should of been giving a blue slip and tomorrow she stays in at lunchtime with head teacher and write our golden rules.
So the deputy head went to get DD from the reception class to take her back to her class, my DD was facing the wall reading her book when deputy head came in, My DD told me that the deputy head came up behind her poked her in the shoulder and said “come with me”.
I asked DD to show me exactly what deputy did and it wasn’t pleasant!
So went in to school and confronted deputy head in front of head teacher.
Of course she denied it and played it down, so I asked my DD is that how deputy head did it?
As she had both of them staring at her as well as me she just put her head down. I apologised to the deputy if she had not done what DD claim, she accepted and that was that.
Walking literally out of the school doors my DD started to cry and said to me “mummy she did do it the way I showed you I’m not lying I promise”,I said to her so why did you just put your head down when I asked in front of them? DD “cause they where staring at me and felt scared”, I reassured DD nothing to be scared of and when she did it why did she not say “ don’t do that! That hurt me” DD said “ cause you are not allowed to answer adults back”, I told her you say that to anyone if they hurt you teacher, adult, kids whoever!
I’ve had running’s with deputy in past and caught her bare face lying to me, which I confronted her about and she and I have never spoken until today.
DD ain’t no angel obviously by pulling another child’s hair!...But I know she is telling the truth and do not believe the deputy in the slightest, now people may think well I have had runnings with deputy before so I may have it in for her? No I don’t I have much better things to think about than her!
So head believes deputy as DD bowed her head.
What should I do cause I know a million percent she is telling the truth and it is killing me inside that deputy has got away with it and I seriously feel I have let my DD down?!
Please help?!

[steppemum]

you accused the teacher in front of her (note - you didn't talk to the teacher about the incident you accused her of poking), and then asked dd to confirm it.

THAT IS DISCUSSING IT IN FRONT OF HER.

[Yogeybear89]

You my find that will work with your child but DD is a challenging child out of my children.
Bickering etc fine kids will be kids
If someone hits her first and then she hits back fine.
But I will not under any way shape or form have my child physically hit another child for no reason!

[Carver16x]

I’d be fuming to OP I don’t think it’s right that she has intimidated her even if no bruise still touching in aggressive way. Hope your DD is ok x

[Nicknacky]

Teach her not to hit back!

[steppemum]

If someone hits her first and then she hits back fine.

no, not fine.

That just makes her as bad as the original assailant. Teach her to walk away, to tell them, you're not worth it and walk off. Much more powerful. Teach her that she has a choice in how she reacts. She doesn't have to get into a fight because the other person WANTS her to. She can decide she doesn't want to and walk off. teach her powerful words to use - no I'm not hitting you, because only stupid people hit, clever people use words to sort out problems.

Your punishment is OTT for a 7 year old. One of those would be enough and school has already punished.
If your dd is challenging, believe me heavy unfair punishments will not help, they will make her kick off more.

[fruityb]

I’m a teacher and regularly tap a kid on the shoulder or touch them on the shoulder or will touch their bag to move them etc. Unless she has been jabbed hard and it’s left a mark I have no idea what you’re taking issue with. Teachers do occasionally make contact with kids - it happens. It can be more friendly at times - I’ve given hugs where they’ve been needed!

Unless she’s been jabbed and hurt I don’t see what your problem is at all. You seem to have an agenda here in all honesty - don’t be THAT parent.

[Amaried]

Honestly it seems to be that home schooling may be an option that you should look at. Your expectations of your school are very out of kilter with the everyday norms and I suspect your going to struggle massively with lots of aspects of it. You are of course perfectly entitled to your views but think you'll massively struggle especially after the recent incident. Is that an option for you?

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

You’ll be the mum from Hell in the staff room.
All these run in’s about bugger all...

[totalturmoil]

All I can think is that YOU need to go to school with this appalling use of English. Grammar? Punctuation? Argh!

[crackerjake]

My yr 3 son told me the cub leader pulled him into the circle by his necker then tightened it. Hard.

Claimed Arkela was always mean to him, shouts at him and pushes him around.

Well I was shocked and angry...

...Then realised he's 7 and getting a great reaction from me!

Funny how he was happy to go back to cubs the following week when it was pancake races

[Yogeybear89]

Explained in post dc on sofa in eye sight when explained to deputy what dd showed me she obviously denied it and deputy opened the door spoke to dd that she never did it that why she done it like this to which I asked dd is that what happened? So deputy brought dd into it !
Honestly first last time on here!
Most of ya say I go jumping in and frothing at mouth? Wtf
Out of all the reply’s think there roughly about 5 that reply with common sense , which is why I thought I would try this site for advice , seriously most of you on here have issues!
Call my child and me bullies take a good look at ya selves?!
Guess you lot are the perfect mummies with the perfect little children in the world?!
I’ve dealt with my dd behaviour I simply asked advice on situation
Thanks to those who helped appreciate it

[myrtleWilson]

when you went in today where did you "confront" the deputy and the head?

[eggncress]

You should have made an appointment to see the head teacher. You should have discussed what your daughter told you with the head teacher. You would then have had a better idea of what happened and could have spoken to dd accordingly or if you weren’t happy you could have escalated it through the correct channels.
But you decided to turn up at the school unannounced , confront the teacher in front of your daughter, putting her on the spot ( thereby putting undue stress on her ) and the result was she was too frightened to say anything. From this you deduced that your daughter had told lies and apologised to the teachers in front of dd, thereby belittling her as well.Then you followed through with your own OTT punishment. No wonder she was so upset.
Sorry OP but you could have handled the whole thing far better. And I’m sorry if we come across as uneducated for pointing this out.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

Wow. Uneducated, judgmental morons... You seriously need to calm down, op, even just reading your posts is exhausting.

[qu1rky]

You need to stop confronting and start working with the teachers to improve your little madams behaviour. Yr3 is plenty old enough to know that hair pulling is not on.

This is the problems schools face, parents go against, rather than go with schools.
It's no wonder we have so many gobshite children who respect nobody.

[Bravouniformmike]

[Nicknacky]

I’m not perfect, far far from it. But I certainly wouldn’t have dealt with it in the way you have.

[Nicknacky]

Who are you calling idiot?!

[MrsCD67]

I'd be more angry that my DD pulled another child's hair

[RavenWings]

Concentrate on teaching your bold child some manners, instead of going in frothing at the school. The time will be much better spent.

You're one of those parents staff laugh/eyeroll at, very clear from your posts here.

[Nicknacky]

Maybe your child isn’t a gobshite by a miracle, but you certainly are.

[Yogeybear89]

Eggncress