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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

dd in reception needed toilet for number two's and was refused twice by teacher

94 replies

curlysmum · 17/04/2007 21:38

dd who is just 5 says she asked twice to go to the toilet this afternoon and she said no twice , they were doing silent reading , she also had a paper cut from the book she was looking at that was bleeding and wanted to wipe it. She says she then started crying and after silent reading was finished she was allowed to go by herself , she says she was desperate to do a wee and a poo (sorry for detail). dd was still quite stressed & upset this evening about it, I am quite annoyed really surely when they are this age she should let them go , dd says she only went to the toilet that once today and that was this time. would you say anything to the teacher , her Dad is really quite mad says I shd say something to the teacher?? I mean I know they are not babies now ? any thoughts ?god she only just gone back to school yesterday after the holiday.

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morningpaper · 17/04/2007 21:39

Yes I would speak to teacher

sounds bonkers

crispyduck · 17/04/2007 21:42

I would say something to the teacher...it not good for lo's to hold onto poo's...and also this may have knocked her confidence to ask teacher in the near future...your poor dd..you have a right to be angry

Original poster

curlysmum · 17/04/2007 22:00

thanks for reply , I mean I suppose I could understand if it was assembley or something but as it was just quiet time she said and the kids now go by themselves anyway why make her wait and get stressed, I think dd is quite upset as she is not one of those kids who would make it up she has never wet herself or anything even since she was aged 2, and the fact that she had to ask 3 times makes me more mad thinking about it.

OP posts:

fryalot · 17/04/2007 22:01

ooh, your poor dd.

Of course at that age they should be allowed to go.

chocolateface · 17/04/2007 22:04

Say something to the teacher. When DS1 was in reception, the children were always alowed to go, they just had to say first.

interstellar · 17/04/2007 22:08

You absolutely must say something to the teacher, it's not on, i know it must be disruptive blah blah for lots of children to be up and down to the loo but they are tiny for gods sake,it's not a good idea to mkae them hold it either physically or psychologically.

Original poster

curlysmum · 17/04/2007 22:20

I hate this sort of thing tbh , I am not very good. I find dd teacher very short & abrupt with me sometimes but observe she is not like this with all parents , dd fathers is not tactful at all and said he would just say 'if my dd wants to go to the toilet, let her, and if I hear that you refused her twice again I will report you to her head' obviously this may not be the best way , but she is pretty defensive when ever you question anything, or is this what teachers are like in general?

This morning as example there was a letter from her yesterday about dd being off school for 1 1/2 weeks unreported during March when dd was only off 2 days before the easter break with tonsilitus, I said I think there is an error with those dates dd was only off for 2 days and it was not that week , she was straight away defensive 'well she's not on the register ' but I 'll check' like she was doing me a favour .I thought to myself I think I would know if dd was off for almost 2 weeks I work full time and would'nt have been at work myself, and she just was so off with me yet again

OP posts:

ohDearie · 17/04/2007 22:26

Can I just say that teachers are not like that in general. You cannot judge a whole profesion by what your 5 year old has told you happened with one teacher.

Find out the whole story first. Tell the teacher your dd was upset about wanting to go to the toilet and you weren't sure what happened. You may find the story is slightly different.

mysonsmummy · 19/04/2007 20:49

do you think maybe your dh has spoken to her in the past in the way you described. if shes not like this with other parents then he may have got her back up previously.

agree i cant see a teacher making a child wait to go the teacher especially if they dont ask all the time just to get out of something. be interesting to see what she says.

TheodoresMummy · 20/04/2007 00:23

Why do children have to ask permission to go to the toilet ?

Letting the teacher know where you are going is sensible, but asking if it's ok with them if you go ? Who the hell do these teachers think they are ?

Clary · 20/04/2007 00:29

! at that last post.

I think these teachers think they are trying to teach a class of 30 children on their own (often). Of course a child should ask to go.

But equally I think curlysmum has a right to query it. Agree with ohdearie tho, do ask the teacher in a nice way.
I recall a friend's DS saying he wet himself as "not allowed" to go to loo and in fact he had just wet himself then made up stroy (not saying yr DD is making this up curlysmum, but it's best not to be confrontational till full story is known...)

TheodoresMummy · 20/04/2007 00:38

Clary - My DS does not have to ask permission to go to the toilet at home and I do not expect him to have to do this anywhere else !! It's a basic body function. What next ? Please Miss, my throat is tickly, may I cough ?

Obviously a teacher needs to know where the children are at any time. I also appreciate that teachers have (far too) many children to look after.

Original poster

curlysmum · 20/04/2007 14:41

sorry just to update teacher has been out since so will report back what she says , I realise she did have a disagreement with dd father before , but surely she should'nt then be rude to me because of that , that's very childish.

OP posts:

chocolattegirl · 20/04/2007 15:00

The absence issue should be able to dealt with by looking at the class records - presumably your LO will have done work in hr books during the times she was allegedly 'off'?

I think the issue with toilets is getting leave to leave the room, not go to the toilet per se but teachers in my experience do stop children from going once one or two have already gone. A few wet carpets tends to make them change their minds! Maybe you could encourage your LO to use the toilets at playtime - boring, I know - but it might help save this sort of issue in future.

hana · 20/04/2007 15:04

theodoresmummy,
of course children should have to ask - lots of kids just try it on as an excuse to get out the classroom or get out of doing a particular piece of work, etc etc
it's very disruptive as well, lots of schools will only let kids go during breaks and lunchtines. obviously in reception is bit different
dd's classroom has toilets within the classroom, and as far as I knolw, they can just take themwselves off

Twiglett · 20/04/2007 15:06

I would speak to teacher .. it is not uncommon for a reception child to have an 'accident'

but speak calmly to the teacher and get her perspective first

FlyingSaucer · 20/04/2007 18:07

curlysmum

"This morning as example there was a letter from her yesterday about dd being off school for 1 1/2 weeks unreported during March when dd was only off 2 days before the easter break with tonsilitus, I said I think there is an error with those dates dd was only off for 2 days and it was not that week , she was straight away defensive 'well she's not on the register ' but I 'll check' like she was doing me a favour ."

If I were you I would express your great concern at the inaccurate record keeping, and ask for an explanation of who made the error and how it came to be made.

TheodoresMummy · 20/04/2007 18:30

My DS is only 3.5, so I don't have experience of classroom behaviour, my comments are just my opinion. I think that teachers do have a VERY difficult job (especially in Reception) and obviously need to know where the children are and also need to keep them focussed on their work. I just feel that having to 'ask permission' to do something as basic as go to the toilet is wrong. But that's just my opinion....

hana · 20/04/2007 18:41

from a teacher's pov, if you had children getting up and leaving room to use toilet whenever they wanted and not letting someone know, it would be really disruptive to the lesson, esp with such large classes in a small room

Original poster

curlysmum · 20/04/2007 23:07

Thanks Flying Saucer I will follow up the absence thing as well.. as I must admit this is my first child and its all new to me at school but I do have real doubts about dd teacher and her organisation of homework, etc. I have started to keep a log in my diary at work of each bit of homework etc as she sent home a basic homework schedule of what they will get each week e.g. Mon reading book , Tuesday letter practice, etc etc and dd never seems to get anything , when she does the same piece of homework goes back and forwards in her bag for days , so its not just this toilet thing really I just think I need to keep a proper record before I see her. Back to the toilet thing dd said she did not go all day and then in the afternoon was desperate she has a habit of doing this , but there only 5 fgs, if she had wet herself , they would probably ring me to come and get her. I do know her teacher has not taught reception before, not sure if that make a difference though.

OP posts:

Clary · 20/04/2007 23:44

curlysmum, accidents do happen in reception and I hope the school would not ring you! Would surely just change clothes (our school keeps a stock of pants/tights etc).

Are the loos in the classroom? This is not uncommon and obv helps everyone. But I agree schools do try to encourage children to go in the break - not at reception level tho.

I would certainly raise this issue, in a general way, witht he teacher as soon as you can.

2cheekymonkeys · 20/04/2007 23:50

My DS tends to wait till it's on its way out before asking to go, so he really has to go immediately. He would def have an accident if told no by the teacher. I'd make a complaint if i were you.

maximummummy · 21/04/2007 00:24

maybe the teacher is really just a bitch if she's being off with you because of something dd's dad said maybe she's being mean to your dd for the same reason
i'd deffo say something but calmly & privately i'm not saying your dd's lying but maybe the story has been a little embellished!

WendyWeber · 21/04/2007 00:39

They do "silent reading" at 5? That's mad!

Reception children should be able to go the loo pretty much any time they need to IMO - they have such a lot of practical things to learn to deal with all at once and to expect them to organise their toilet visits at break is completely unreasonable.

wheresthehamster · 21/04/2007 09:12

But unless the class has 30 toilets they are going to have to learn to wait a bit aren't they?

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