dd in reception needed toilet for number two's and was refused twice by teacher

[curlysmum]

dd who is just 5 says she asked twice to go to the toilet this afternoon and she said no twice , they were doing silent reading , she also had a paper cut from the book she was looking at that was bleeding and wanted to wipe it. She says she then started crying and after silent reading was finished she was allowed to go by herself , she says she was desperate to do a wee and a poo (sorry for detail). dd was still quite stressed & upset this evening about it, I am quite annoyed really surely when they are this age she should let them go , dd says she only went to the toilet that once today and that was this time. would you say anything to the teacher , her Dad is really quite mad says I shd say something to the teacher?? I mean I know they are not babies now ? any thoughts ?god she only just gone back to school yesterday after the holiday.

PS not hard feelings

'DANCESwithaFewExtraPounds to me this teacher has an attitude problem she should remember that she is there to teach the children not make them feel bad Also I find it terrible that a person in the public section would act so badly towards a someone'

Yep, still got that attitude then...

MB, couldn't agree more. After home educating my own 4 for 6 months, I can quite see the problems teachers of 30 are faced with. My dd1 and 2 are in a class of 28 with a fantastic teacher who really cares about and knows each child, and she is constantly faced with whingeing parents who have been told exaggerated tales about seemingly unfair treatment- which usually turns out to have been necessary at the time. IMO, more understanding is needed for the pressure on teachers, who struggle every day to do their best in adverse circumstances.

I think there is a huge difference between reception and secondary school though and whilst being capable of timing your toilet breaks as an older child, at the age of 5 it is not appropriate to expect a child to do so.

At my DC's school (and many other's round here) the teacher has a band round her neck that the child going to the toilet is given. The next child has to wait until the band is returned and then they take it and go. That way only one child in the class can be in the toilet at any one time and if there is an emergency situation the teacher knows that if she is missing the band she needs to find the child who is at the toilet.

Not very complicated but a good workable solution. School can be stressful enough for little one's without additional stresses whihc are largely unnecessary.

I am however, of the view that being firm but fair in dealings with the school is important. The vast majority of teachers are professional and dilligent about their work and their treatment of children - until faced with evidence to the contrary I find it crucial to think the best of them - as I do of most professionals I deal with in life

That band thing sound very sensible.

I agree that there is a wirld of a difference between the needs of a 5 year old and a teen. I also think that 5 year olds need far more lee way regarding the use of the loo.

However the attitude that expecting children of 5 to ask to go is im someway wrong stikes me as silly. You cannot simply have children going to the loo when ever they like, in whatever numbers.

Expecting a chhild to ask isn't too much at the age of 5, and if needed for reasonable classroom managment and safety.

The 4-7 year old children I work with have to ask permission. We actually have set toilet breaks int hte sessions where it imy job to supervise the toiletees while the teacher stays with the rest of the class.

If a child needs to go inbetwwen times we let them unless we feel they are trying it on. We only allow 2 at a time to go (there are only 2 toilets nearby) and don't allow them to go unaccompanied.

My DD's secondary school actually lock the toilet doors between breaks.

the secondary school I teach in does the same,if they need the toilet during a lesson they can only go if they have a pass due to a medical condition and then they get someone from the office to open the door, by the tecahers discretion only can anyone else go to the toilet. I think this is quite acceptable practice - but I am known as the teaching equivalent of the taliban in the staffroom.

Themildmanneredjanitor - that is 'policy' gone beyond the realms of common sense. It also borders on abuse and mental cruelty imo.
Twinset- At secondary school level, I can understand that classroom disruption caused by numerous and random departures to the toilet should be minimised if they are just excuses to get out of class for a bit. At primary school especially in the very young classes I think strict enforcement of no toilet rules is not a positive thing.

islandofsodor- that sounds much more sensible to me.

I'd still wait to see what the teacher had to say before I got angry. Even if it was my child.

He might have asked five minutes before the break. The teacher might have judged and judged correctly that he could wait a few minutes.

I don't think it's reasonable to make all these negative assumptions about school and teachers and policies based on this.

Sorry. Feeling thick and sick with cold. Realised child in question is a she.

OP-I hate this sort of thing tbh , I am not very good. I find dd teacher very short & abrupt with me sometimes but observe she is not like this with all parents , dd fathers is not tactful at all and said he would just say 'if my dd wants to go to the toilet, let her, and if I hear that you refused her twice again I will report you to her head' obviously this may not be the best way , but she is pretty defensive when ever you question anything, or is this what teachers are like in general?

if the teacher is like this with you she is not very proffesional and id be annoyed too, and tbh, i would say similar as your dp, i helped out in yr 1 a while back and teacher who was in copmplete contrast to nursery and reception teachers really bellowed at them if they 'forgot' to go at lunch / break time, now in my proffession you are told to help the children understand reasons for doing things, not scream at them and embarress them in front of whole class, what if your dd couldnt hold on?!..poor child, i know there are those who ask all the time for the sake of it to mess about, but she should be able to tell who does and who doesnt and for her to have to ask twice is awful for her.
i agree they should ask to go as the teacher has set things out for them to do and she needs to know where they all are(though this one sounds like shes lost a week and halfs worth of registration???!!!) and like already said children will all want to go and may mess around.
but i would def go and speak to this teacher and ask her side, then tell her what YOU want to happen in furture, if she is still 'off' with you, speak to the head with her present.good luck

It is sensible, but only truly possible if you have an assistant in the class at all times which is often not the case from year 1 upwards.

Hadn't realised that the little girl had asked to go for a number 2.

You can't do that at break time if you don't have the 'urge' (esp at 5).

inanidealworld agree that they shouold be allowed to go but should ask outof courtsesy

TheodoresMummy- I probably couldn't do that at a specific time and I'm 38 .

Anyway, I started reading this thread (instead of posting my own) as I was told today that a DINNER LADY -or some dinnertime helper, I've got her name- said my dd1 (6, year 1) couldn't go to the toilet in case she disturbed something that was going on inside (dancing or something). Consequently, dirty pants- sorry if tmi.

I would have thought that in this day and age there's some human rights law or other that stops this- and I agree on the whole with TheodoresMummy, a child surely just needs to TELL a teacher or whoever is in charge, NOT ASK.

I'm still debating about a letter to the headmistress however, as even at 6, the information I'm getting isn't strong enough about exactly what happenned.