School want to know too much

[Balinahome]

My daughter started school this September (she’s just 5) and I had to request a days ansence due to an appointment I had which I’ve known about from before she started school. The reason stated on the request form was ‘for personal reasons I will not be able to collect my daughter from school’ As I wouldn’t be around to collect her from school and I had nobody else available to collect her so she had to go to my MIL for care until I returned from the appointment.
I received the form back from the headteacher which stated that the School cannot authorise avoidable absences which I am very irritated about as they have no knowledge of why I couldn’t collect her therefore how could they possibly know it was avoidable? I found the comment to be obtuse especially given that she is not yet of compulsory school age. I’ve sent the head a strongly worded (but not rude) email in response stating that my personal life has nothing to do with School AIBU?

Yipee Ive never been called a chav in my life... any hints on how I should embrace my new Chav lifestyle please OP? So far it seems that

1. I should be abrupt and rude to anyine who pays less tax than me.

1. I should actively avoid making friends with anyone I consider beneath me.

1. I should send or wish to send my dc to independent schools ( yay Ive scored a chav point)

1. I should ignore rules or bend them to suit me

1. I should not plan ahead

1. I should not value education

Im sorry youve got a health condition but sadly you're going to have to learn to juggle its difficult demands with the needs of your childs education and youll find that far easier if you remember what my nan always said "sugar attracts more than vinegar"

Does nobody else now really want to know what the OP’s appointment is for?! Nosey

I was advised not to post on here for advise as it’s full of the kind of women that I avoid on the play ground, they were right! Most (not all) of you are missing the point so I’ll leave this chav fest. Thank you
Wow.

So in summary Rather than areange childcare I will keep my child off school and then flounve when people say it's an issue.

Why do I have the feeling OP will be one of those parents who keep her children off for everything and then get annoyed when school question it?
Her and her child are obviously so unique and special that normal rules don't apply.

Does nobody else now really want to know what the OP’s appointment is for?!

I am guessing it's to remove her head from her posterior.

BTW I really don’t want to make ‘friends’ with other mums well enough to leave my daughter in their care

More fool you then. Getting to know the other parents is invaluable so you can help each other out.

You wrote that she’s just 5, unless that was a typo for 4 she is compulsory school age. If you wrote word for word what’s I your OP I’m not surprised they said no. You sounds very prickly.

I'll call the Daily Mail and reserve a space on a page for the Sadface photo to go, when OP sends her child to school in the wrong clothes breaking uniform rules, lies to the school about what happened, instructs her daughter not to remove the offending item, refuses to purchase the correct clothes, and removes her with the immortal words "I can't see what the problem is, it's not as if her clothes have anything to do with learning, haven't the teachers got better things to do than worry about trousers, it's a disgrace this is a really important time of year for her, I'm keeping her at home until the school sorts this mess out."

Too some extent I agree with OP.

My dd born in Summer 1995 had no reception and went straight to Y1 and watched her younger peers enjoying outdoor play in reception as the dc started reception earlier in her Year at 4.5.

Anyway, you post, or not, for advice not advise. Hope it all turns out well fo you OP. Hope your friends are more support for future issues than they have been for this one. (No idea why I am bothering to respond)

I've skipped many pages, so apologise if this has been said already.
Unless the rules have changed, when my DD was in Reception, she wasn't legally obliged to be full time until the first full term after her 5th birthday. So it's possible the OP's daughter doesn't actually require to be in school every day.
I requested, and got, reduced days in Reception until I had to send DD full time.
Once I took her out of school for an appointment, her teacher made a ( perfectly reasonable) comment, I politely pointed out the rules, she agreed with me and all was fine. I didn't need permission to withdraw her.

woodhill - your dd could have started reception in the term in which she turns five; so the summer term.

I'll call the Daily Mail and reserve a space on a page for the Sadface photo to go, when OP sends her child to school in the wrong clothes breaking uniform rules, lies to the school about what happened, instructs her daughter not to remove the offending item, refuses to purchase the correct clothes, and removes her with the immortal words "I can't see what the problem is, it's not as if her clothes have anything to do with learning, haven't the teachers got better things to do than worry about trousers, it's a disgrace this is a really important time of year for her, I'm keeping her at home until the school sorts this mess out

I'm waiting for 'DC is behind on their GCSE work and the teachers are saying poor attendance ia a factor but then THEY arent doing anything to catch DC up. I've told them already that because of work commitments there are issues with getting my younger chils from primary so the eldest has to pick them up. School won't authorise it so i've just started sayinh that DC is ill because it's easier than these nosey staff trying to tell me how to parent. I've asked for intervention but have been told spaces are limited which is a joke. AIBU to think school shpuld want my child to pass their GCSEs and should spend more time teachinh rather than taking me to an attendance panel?'

Well, aren’t you an absolute delight? In principle, I agree with you that the information you gave them should have been enough for them to just log an unauthorised absence and leave it there.

But your superior attitude re your DD’s peers and their parents, re the School staff and also re other MN users makes you sound absolutely ghastly. I pity your DD should she ever try to make a friend, and for your sake I hope you never need the school’s support.

Of the reason for the absence is down to an appt for you, it will always be unauthorised whatever the ap appointment. For an absence to be authorised it needs to be a n illness or appointment for the child not the adult.

You are right, unless school, entry has been delayed for a year,, no child reaches compulsory school age until January of reception year. But once she has started school, the school are required to record and monitor attendance in the same way as for all other children. The only thing they can't do is fine you for absence.

Although how they are supposed to know that the absence is unavaoidable without the OP giving information is a bit of a mystery.

I assumed the appointment was a court appointment due to the attitude, secrecy and not wanting her DD to go to anyone else's house for tea where she might tell the family secrets.

There were two mums I knew of in Infant school who were anti-friends: one was in a weird cult-like religion, the other was due in court for stabbing someone - her DM, who ended up looking after the children, didn't like to make eye contact at school because she was ashamed of her daughter.

I had this recently, and mum had an appointment relating to her boob job.

I don’t think the school is being unreasonable in not authorising an absent if you haven’t provided enough of a reason.

Couldn't one of the 'friends' who advised you not to come on here, picked up your DD for you?

Yay! Another one here who's been called a chav for the first time in her (privately educated) life - so excited! (And I've only been on Mumsnet for a week - in fact I'm so new I can't even figure out how to add a smiley grin.)

I can see why op is annoyed.

If she has a dd age 4 under the legal framework for state education if my understanding is correct she needs no kind of permission, only to inform them.

So leaving her with mil and telling school is fine.

People posting may think differently but the above is the factual position.

In terms of interpersonal relations, because school Ime dot realise they can't compel 4 year old year r dc to attend it might be an easier ride for op and dc to give a reason. But she doesn't have to.

My dc are now at an independent school and honestly op if you are considering it one of the joys is that peopleare allowed occasional absences like this. It is like the absences were done in the 90s in my state school.

Um catloving the child is 5!
Taking a child off school every time a parent has an appointment is completely inappropriate.

I thought she said child turns 5 Jan 2018?

Just wanted to put a source for my comment - see eg this parliamentary briefing that says on page 4 that any child under compulsory school age can attend part time:

researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/CBP-7272/CBP-7272.pdf

Our ht got Lea advice to this effect too, I believe.

Yes she is five, so compulsory school attendance is is January . Term after the child's 5th birthday.

Ah - now I get it!

Just to confirm - my comments above still stand - ops dd willne compulsory school age on 31 Dec according to that briefing - so the comment in the briefing that he can go part time as a parental choice still stands.

I asked school for my non compulsory age dd to attend morning only and they granted it - after checking with Lea that they had to let us.