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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Clever but lazy son - possible HFASD

104 replies

Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 19:38

My son is starting Reception next week and I'm pulling my bloody hair out. I cannot get him to do anything he doesn't 'feel like' even if he can do it standing on his head.

We were just practising writing his name and he was just refusing to grip his pencil. He was basically tickling the paper with the pencil and I just lost my temper (inwardly).

He won't practise his phonics. He knows most of the the phonemes and can sound and segment quite long words. He won't practise at home though - he only shows interest when we're out and he wants to sound out signs and other people's books etc.

I cannot get him to draw ANYTHING and I'm just beside myself.

Earlier in the summer our CM had suggested getting him assessed for ASD and SPD but a lot of the traits she was concerned about have gone now so it would appear SOME we're immaturity.

I will still talk to the teacher about whether she suspects ASD (school has a specialist department) but in the interim how on earth can I get him to display some of his knowledge? And apply himself?

I feel utterly sick of it all to be honest and just see years of being dragged into the school because he's so unengaged.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 19:40

Meant to add if he does have ASD it's clearly a High Functioning type (if that's the right terminology) - he's been talking in sentences since 18 months and educationally is above average according to his nursery report but does struggle with managing his emotions at times.

OP posts:
Pizzalove · 02/09/2017 19:42
Hmm
Bumdishcloths · 02/09/2017 19:55

Perhaps he's not interested as it's at home, not a social setting? Once he has peers perhaps his behaviour will change?

Barring that I suspect you're rather overthinking things, he's only little after all Hmm

Daffydil · 02/09/2017 19:57

He's 4.

Sounds perfectly normal to me.

Samsara123 · 02/09/2017 19:58

Step away from the child and let him be. What is HE interested in? Encourage that.

Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:04

Sorry - I'm at the end of a long holiday and I'm just anxious. I've got list of stuff he should be doing and he's not/won't. That's all - if it were up to me I'd leave him with his bucket of slime!

I thought it was normal but the school have said he should write him name unassisted, draw a picture of the animal that is his class name, a load of reading exercises and it just feels too much at 4 but he's my first and I'm new to this.

pizzalove - thanks for that - super helpful. Happy to be told I'm being unreasonable etc but that face is no help is it?

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Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:05

He's interested in slime, cars, planets and dogs - all fine by be except the dogs.

I just didn't want to be the only parent who hasn't turned up with the model fucking caterpillar.

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ohnowhatcanido · 02/09/2017 20:07

He is 4. It is honestly not unusual that he shows no interest in these things. School will gently help him develop these skills. If he's bright then he'll make good progress and pick things up quickly. Teachers work incredibly hard to plan and teach really engaging lessons to enthuse all the children and being with other children will likely encourage him. I honestly wouldn't worry. I think you are expecting a little much. Lots of children don't enjoy drawing either, again not unusual. My son isn't remotely interested in it, doesn't really matter. His fine motor skills and pencil grip can and will develop in other ways.

I would certainly mention the ASD concerns to his teacher, maybe after the first few weeks, let them get to know him first. Like you said, a lot of the traits could be down to maturity. However if you mention it then it at least opens a good dialogue between yourself and the teacher and they will happily come to you with the slightest concern.

ohnowhatcanido · 02/09/2017 20:09

Wow Moany, I think k the things the school has suggested are a little bit unrealistic! Some kids, sure, but not all! To be able to write a few letters and recognise their own name when written down, maybe. And to attempt to write it themselves, but I would not have high expectations for that!

As for a picture of an animal, is he supposed to draw one to bring with him or something?

Also I meant to ask when his birthday is :)

Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:11

Thank you ohnow - that's really reassuring.

All I want is for him to do the best he can but it seemed like all the way through nursery it was a list of things he wasn't or wouldn't do. It's enough to drive you mad.

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Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:16

Yes - he's in Caterpillar class. They want a picture and a model made out of modelling clay plus a drawing.

Reading exercises with the SATNIP sounds including building the words from letter cards.

Numbers 1-20 but exercises showing which is bigger, smaller etc.

Proper pencil grip and confidently writing his name.

Plus being able to dress himself and wipe his own bottom - he's only just happy using the loo (after moving from the potty).

I don't remember it being like this when my much younger sister went to Recption so I just feel overwhelmed.

I see my OP made me sound neurotic but when you have this list and can't get him to do any of it, despite knowing he can, it's really upsetting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:16

Sorry - January birthday!

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Ginormoustrawberry · 02/09/2017 20:20

That's a crazy amount of stuff they expect a new starter in reception to be able to do - think I'd be having words with the school already!

outputgap · 02/09/2017 20:22

Wow. Your school's list is mental (except for toileting). Reception is about getting used to school.

I have become a bit of a handwriting geek, and forcing all of them to pincer grip and write their names will mean some of them develop habits that will fuck up their writing and take aaaggges to undo. Hah.

ohnowhatcanido · 02/09/2017 20:24

Oh wow. I am quite suprised! Is it a state school?

A lot of these things are thing that they should be teaching him.... Hmm.

I would expect him to recognise most letters and numbers. Be able to tell you which numbers are bigger/smaller and possibly if it's a lot bigger or a lot smaller. I would not expect parents to do ANY phonics prior to school. Once school starts, then of course, I would welcome and encourage parents to support and reinforce what we have done at home.

As far as the caterpillar goes, I would honestly let him do his own, maybe with some moral support and guidance and just make it a really fun activity together. If it looks crap, I would not worry at all. If he draws it in seconds, that's fine too. I expect it's just for a start of term display/discussion. Don't be one of those parents that brings in their child's homework having clearly done it yourself 😉

Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:26

I really thought that was all standard...

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed now.

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Ginormoustrawberry · 02/09/2017 20:28

Without wanting to make myself sound like a twat OP my child is at a selective private school (from nursery upwards) and we didn't have a list of what they should be starting with.

herewecomeawassailing · 02/09/2017 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:31

Ohnow - thanks so much for your replies.

He can recognise all the letters and read really quite well. His numbers are good and can do a bit of bigger/smaller.

they've been doing phonics at nursery all year which I thought was early but I was happy to go along.

He will not make or draw the Caterpillar so there won't be one!! Ha!

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Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:31

And yes, deffo a state school!

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ohnowhatcanido · 02/09/2017 20:33

Ginourmous I teach at a prep school and we don't have a list like that either!!

They simply can't expect that, especially not in a state school as all the children will be coming (or could come) from a huge variety of backgrounds. Some from being full time or part time at nurseries and pre schools, some from childminders and some from just being at home full time. They are just starting from such different places that it's urealistic to expect anything that academic.

ohnowhatcanido · 02/09/2017 20:35

Well, I would roll your eyes at the list, send him in, with what you can and see how it goes! Be open with the teacher and get a good dialogue going early on and then if she does have concerns she will feel able to come to you. If she doesn't, assume all is fine!

He sounds perfectly normal to me though. He SHOULD be more interested in slime and dogs at 4. Bless his cotton socks! Good luck :)

Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:35

Ok. I'm now convinced that the school's expectations are somewhat ambitious...

Herewecome - CM says he's definitely improved over the summer and some of the things he was having trouble with have been resolved. Some things are still concerning - very limited food, dislike of loud noises, hesitant to try new textures.

I've got no issues with any diagnosis etc - I just want him to be happy and enjoy going to school and do the best he can.

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Original poster
Moanyoldcow · 02/09/2017 20:39

It's a really diverse school both ethnically and socio-economically because of the part of London we're in and I really like that.

Thank you all for your help - I feel so much more relaxed after reading your answers.

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herewecomeawassailing · 02/09/2017 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.