Teacher told my child I had complained to school

[mugglebumthesecond]

I made a complaint to school about something that I felt was affecting my child's wellbeing and the teacher has told my child (age 10) I had complained and that's why a certain arrangement had changed.

It took a while to scrape me from the ceiling and now I don't know whether to complain again, therefore aggregating the situation or just silently fume.

I am a former teacher and understand the pressure these people are under and that teacher wellbeing is in the interest of my child, but who is she to tell my child discreet information, meant only for adults? I'm also a former governor and know I really could go nuts about this.

Where is the discretion these days stuck between a rock and a Hard place but livid.

So say your child had chronic kidney failure had to drink say 2 litres of water throughout the day. Teacher did t allow water near the desks. Child knows they need water but forgets Nd maybe because child feels ok, does t get how importAnt the water is, particularly when the water is only allowed at break time. Teacher tells child they need water because mum complained, not you need water for your Heath. Something like that.

When you put it like that, the teacher shouldn't have said it like that. But you should have discussed with the child the need for the water so they can advocate for themselves confidently. Especially important before they hit secondary school, in my opinion

Talking to your child would mean she wasn't finding out that you'd complained from the teacher, obviously

Surely child should already know why water is so important. Even if it's just "you have a health condition that means you need to drink water more often than other children".

Is this about wearing glasses?

Milk, yes that's the whole point to the thread. Child does know. Mum had complained object not freely available.

You need to either give posters enough info to form an opinion or don't bother posting. It's pointless.

Well, is it kidney issues? You mentioned earlier that you'd been advised to disclose gradually to your child, in an age appropriate way, what their condition was...
If your child is 10 and needs to drink 2 litres of water per day to stay healthy yet fails to realise this; then you've evidently been far too gradual at explaining things to them
It's still on you, really. She shouldn't have been arguing with the teacher, because you should have instilled in her yourself how important it is.
Why should the teacher be the one to explain to her why she's enforcing whatever it is?
Unless that was another hypothetical scenario and it's really about wearing glasses

Sounds like you mean something along the lines of:

Your child needs to sit by the door so they can make a quick exit to the toilet or they come home smelling of wee/poo after getting to the toilet late. Child doesn't realise they smell so you discretely asked teacher. Teacher didn't move them so you complained to teacher. Tecaher then moves child and tells them it's because your mum says you can't get to the toilet quick enough otherwise. In front of the other kids.

If it's something like that then YANBU.

But the drip feed is hard work OP! At least make up an equivalent issue from the start if you don't want to be identified

This is all very odd. OP you are making this very hard to follow.

So essentially you asked for your dd to be moved because she needed to be closer to something in class but your dd doesn't know that she needs to be closer to it? Did you say to the teacher that your dd doesn't know why she needs to be closer to this item? Did you say you still didn't want her to know? Why didn't you explain to your dd that you'd been into school to have her moved seats? Why would the teacher assume she didn't know or feel the need to come up with a lie to cover for a seat change?

I'm sorry Muggle I still think the focus of this issue can be resolved by you talking to your child.

Of course the school should be supportive but your child is 10 yo. They need to take responsibility for their health. Even if they don't want to.

If the child knows they should be drinking more water why did you say earlier that the child is unaware of the issue?

If the child knows they should drink more water why would they be embarrassed that mum complained?

It's sounds more like the child needs to learn the implications of the health issue so that they can learn co-operate themselves tbh.

The teacher said this in front of other children who may have gone home and revealed I had complained, therefore setting in motion a whole host of consequences.
Why would it cause problems if the other parents knew you complained about not having access to water or whatever it was?

tbh if it was something very confidential then you ought to have told the teacher your child wasn't to know. Unless it is obviously adult only info the teacher won't know that you want your child kept out of it. Most kids are well aware that their parents have complained.

in the example of the water I would probably say your mum is concerned that you are not drinking enough water. our new arrangement is .. You need to get your child on board with the idea too by being open that this is what you want. I don't think in this scenario you can expect the teacher to keep it secret in any way. If this is the scenario you are getting worked up over nothing.

Does your child have a care plan in place? If not, you can ask the clinic they attend to send out a specialist nurse to meet with the school and draw up a care plan to ensure that all medical needs are attended to.

If it's vitally important your dd has this item during the school day, then it must also be vitally important they have it at home. How does your child not know that they need this item?!? I feel sorry for her, being kept in the dark about her needs.

I would absolutely love to hear the teacher side of this story.

I'm assuming the water thing is another analogy, rather than the actual problem -- because that would be a possible situation for the teacher. Think about it:

Classroom rule - not water on table. You say your child needs to have her water on the table. Child asks teacher why she has to have water on table when no-one else does. Possible responses:

1. Because you have a health need which makes it necessary (a response which you have said you absolutely don't want discussed).
2. Because your mum has complained that she wants you to drink more water, so we are bending the rule for you (which is what the teacher said, pretty much).
3. Because... actually I can't think of a third because other than the teacher suddenly deciding not to have the rule and living with puddles of water on the tables and spilt over books.

What did you actually WANT the teacher to say?

impossible not possible.

It sounds like basically trying to hide a child's medical needs from the child has backfired and she is looking for someone to blame!

I am still very confused by the whole post...Which isn't hard.. If we take the problem of kidneys' ..Child would have regular check ups at the hospital so would know she has a health condition.

I know my ds at 8 has had to deal with a SEN diagnosis which I felt important he understood at 8 not when he was finding things even more difficult. I also had to take him to physio for a condition that will effect him for the rest of his life... He doesn't have a life limiting condition ( not sure if your DC does) but at 10 she really needs to start taking responsibility for herself..If it is too drink enough something that she is in control of..

This is one of those posts I wish you had just name changed and posted the problem.

I still don't think it's the OP's child. I think the issue is with the child she was sitting beside and thus Mum is embarrassed the other kids will go home and tell their parents.

Anyway I doubt OP will come back to this thread to fill us in.

I think you are probably right kreme