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Original poster

Teacher told my child I had complained to school

102 replies

mugglebumthesecond · 10/05/2017 20:42

I made a complaint to school about something that I felt was affecting my child's wellbeing and the teacher has told my child (age 10) I had complained and that's why a certain arrangement had changed.

It took a while to scrape me from the ceiling and now I don't know whether to complain again, therefore aggregating the situation or just silently fume.

I am a former teacher and understand the pressure these people are under and that teacher wellbeing is in the interest of my child, but who is she to tell my child discreet information, meant only for adults? I'm also a former governor and know I really could go nuts about this.

Where is the discretion these days Angry stuck between a rock and a Hard place but livid.

OP posts:
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HallowedMimic · 10/05/2017 21:12

You can't expect the teacher to lie for you.

You made a decision for your child, and you have to own it. You ought to have explained it to your child before hand.

Original poster
mugglebumthesecond · 10/05/2017 21:14

A teen and a 10 year old is entirely different, especially when regarding a life long health co diction which we are advised to gradually disclose in an age appropriate way.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 10/05/2017 21:16

Well, this was the idea opportunity to begin the disclosure surely?
Honestly, it is impossible to comment appropriately without knowing what the "small arrangement" was, otherwise we are advising in the dark!

Original poster
mugglebumthesecond · 10/05/2017 21:19

I know sorry. I wasn't clear t all but the point is a teacher does not discuss a private,meeting with a child full stop.

OP posts:
ragged · 10/05/2017 21:20

drip feed? life long health problem?
"10 year old who should not In any way have to think about the issue."

My 10yr olds would be informed.
Heck, even my 3yo would be informed.

ragged · 10/05/2017 21:22

did you request during meeting that your child not be informed?

HallowedMimic · 10/05/2017 21:23

The child is clearly old enough to question, and should be given honest answers.

The teacher said the change was instigated on your say so. That's honest and reasonable.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 10/05/2017 21:23

I'm struggling to come up with a lifelong health problem that by 10, the child doesn't seem to know they have.

LavenderDoll · 10/05/2017 21:24

What did you want the teacher to do? Lie?Confused

Floggingmolly · 10/05/2017 21:26

Your update is not remotely clear... If reasonable adjustments needed to be made regarding your child's health issue; why do you describe asking for them as a "complaint" and why are you so aghast that your child has been made aware of the whole thing?
It all sounds very, very odd.

You say it concerns other children, how so? You're not just attempting a little social engineering, are you, and are mortified that your child has realised? Hmm

Floggingmolly · 10/05/2017 21:27

Your child can't be badly affected by this health issue if it's very existence has to be gradually disclosed to her. Hasn't she noticed!?

spanieleyes · 10/05/2017 21:28

But you have not made it clear if the teacher DID discuss the private meeting with your child ( as in," because of your medical condition , Mum has complained that you need to do XXXX and so that is what is happening" ) or if the teacher said "mum has complained that XXX wasn't happening so now it is" If the former then yes, this was probably a step to far, if the latter then you need to explain why XXX has to happen, it's not the teacher's job.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/05/2017 21:31

Honestly, your update made it about as clear as mud. Confused

NotHotDogMum · 10/05/2017 21:31

Drip feed the facts why don't you? So everybody gets the wrong end of the stick Hmm

Unless you specifically told the teacher to keep your meeting a secret then YABU

Your DC is 10, it's time to start disclosing the facts to them so that awkward situations like this don't happen.

Oakmaiden · 10/05/2017 21:32

Your lack of response makes me think that all the teacher said was "your mum complained and asked for this change". Fine. By all means go and speak to the head, and I am sure they will placate you, but I suspect they will also think you are nuts.

What did you expect the teacher to say?

I am sure that you would have said by now if the teacher had directly disclosed medical information or the reason "why" you asked for the move. So she didn't tell your child the details of a private meeting. She simply informed the child that you had requested a change and that change was occurring.

user789653241 · 10/05/2017 21:32

My ds has several life long health issues. He knows quite well about it since he takes medication everyday and in and out of hospital regularly until recently. I think he was aware at nursery age.

kreme · 10/05/2017 21:32

My theory: I don't think it's the OP's child's health issue. I think the child they were sitting next to has the health issue and the OP doesn't want their child next to that kid.

The school is in a difficult place as everyone is entitled to an education and not be discriminated against. They also have a duty of care to all children so I'm sure they are receiving appropriate advice from medical professionals on said child and any risks.

Graceflorrick · 10/05/2017 21:33

You sound challenging OP.

pestov · 10/05/2017 21:34

the point is a teacher does not discuss a private,meeting with a child full stop

You are so wrong on this one. Especially if you haven't explicitly requested they not discuss it. There are plenty of safeguarding reasons why they should.

Ex teacher and governor should know better. Stop drip feeding and get a grip

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 10/05/2017 21:36

Lifelong health issue impacting on the OP's kid....but that would presumably have to be either HIV or....well, what?
Or it's behavioural. Hmm

Floggingmolly · 10/05/2017 21:38

Op says it affects other children too... Maybe she requested the child concerned be kept in a cage at the back of the room?
It all sounds quite nasty, actually. No wonder her child was embarrassed.

Allthebestnamesareused · 10/05/2017 21:40

It has to be that OP doesn't want her precious child to sit next to someone diagnosed with ASD otherwise she'd be more specific. Surely the OP isn't going to admit to being disablist!

Gaelach · 10/05/2017 21:46

Did the teacher disclose your child's unknown medical issue?

If I were you I'd be glad the teacher used your complaint as the reason for moving and not "I'm moving you because you have xxx disease"

If you don't feel it an appropriate time to discuss their own health concerns with then then surely you're grateful that the teacher didn't disclose this to your dd?

Starlight2345 · 10/05/2017 21:59

I think unless you are going to actually explain what has happned everyone is playing multi guess and it doesn't seem unreasonable to me what has been said .. however I really don't know.

I do have a 10 year old. I think this is the age where that communication between parent and child are developed..It sounds like you are hiding something from her. I am not sure waiting till a child is mid raging hormones is a good time to tell a child about a life ling illness.

SunshineDeLaSoul · 10/05/2017 22:01

You've totally overreacted.

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