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gutted for my little boy

123 replies

Bubblesquirt · 18/04/2017 03:51

So he goes to a catholic school is in nursery there and hasnt got in to reception. Absolutely devastated been sat here crying. Hes been given a school 10 min drive away and im due another baby in october. C section, therea no way im gonna be able to get him there. Has anyone appealed and had any luck. Were in manchester area.

OP posts:
GraceGrape · 18/04/2017 08:08

My insurers also told me that you don't need to wait six weeks. They said I could drive when the doctor said I was ready and she just sais whenever I felt ok. So try not to fret too much about that aspect.

Baker if results are sent by email they sometimes come in batches.

megletthesecond · 18/04/2017 08:08

Sorry to hear you haven't got the school place you wanted. But there's always waiting lists and things can change.

The 6 week thing isn't a myth. You aren't allowed to drive or lift so soon after other abdominal surgery. Post cs mums just don't get as good care and are allowed to take risks. Personally I'd get taxis over risking opening or weakening a new scar.

Nishky · 18/04/2017 08:09

How do you test yourself doing an emergency stop BEFORE driving- I am imagining rolling down your drive at low speed. Which is surely not the same as causing a car to stop at 30mph.

RatOnnaStick · 18/04/2017 08:10

@BakerBear I'm in Kent and they don't send out emails here until after 4pm today. There are many area of the country the same i believe. Don't worry, you will hear very soon.

BakerBear · 18/04/2017 08:10

As soon as i posted that i hadnt receieved my email it came through afew mins later. 48 people have been turned down a place.

Allthebubbles · 18/04/2017 08:11

I would get on the waiting list for the school you want asap. A place will probably come up pretty quickly. I know someone who was in this situation and her daughter got a place in the school she had been to nursery in by Christmas and because she knew her old friends the transfer was fine.
You might even get a place earlier, as some people may change their mind, need to move etc before term starts. Even in popular schools there is a surprising amount of moment.
I don't know much about appeals, sorry.
Good luck, it is a stressful time.

tinypop4 · 18/04/2017 08:13

Sorry to hear this OP - I am also waiting on a school place for my DD and not sure she will get her first preference. I would be disappointed for her and it will be less convenient BUT we have a contingency plan for our other preferences.
However, I think devastated for him is a little Ott - he will learnt to read, write and socialise at his allocated school and I'm sure he will be happy there - most children like their schools.
As for your C-section, it's only a 6 week period. Your DP could take him while he's on Pat leave (if he gets a couple of weeks), perhaps he could take an extra week holiday here, and then use a taxi for 3 weeks. It's only short term.
Chin up, pop him on the waiting list and find out all the great things about the school he's been given - there will be lots.

gingeristhenewblack43 · 18/04/2017 08:15

I feel for you OP Flowers I was in the same position last year in terms of not getting my preferred school, in fact I didn't get any of my 3 preferences. We were allocated a school I hadn't even heard of.

We requested to be put on the waiting lists of others and arranged to visit the school we had been allocated. ExH and I went to visit and we really liked it, then we went for a subsequent visit with DD.

The staff were lovely, I liked the environment and the ethos of the school. She started in Sept and settled very well and is happy in her school.

The post C section bit you have options with: delay your DC starting by a term, DP to support with school drop offs and pick ups, any family who could help out, or public transport / taxis to school.

I had a haemorrhage post section and subsequent surgery to repair my uterus. But I was able to walk a couple of miles pushing the pram within a few weeks, albeit slowly. The driving, I waited the full 6 weeks as I didn't want to be responsible for hitting someone with my car if I didn't respond quick or hard enough.

user1471558436 · 18/04/2017 08:18

Appeal and put your name on the waiting list. Ring regularly. Sometimes it just takes time to get a place. Be it a few weeks or 8 months.

Devilishpyjamas · 18/04/2017 08:19

Get in the car and test pedal movement. Then double check by Driving along the road and testing the pedals in an emergency stop -you can tell whether you are ready or not. If it had been at all uncomfortable I would have pulled over. I had a high car which prob helped.

Like I said I wouldn't have driven the length of the country as I wouldn't have wanted to to sit in one position for too long but 5 minutes down the road was comfortable.

Headofthehive55 · 18/04/2017 08:35

I could hardly walk after a c section for a few weeks let alone drive! It depends so much on the person!
The six weeks thing us only a guide. Some people will need that, some won't.

NeedABumChange · 18/04/2017 08:37

You can walk? Or get a bus surely? 10 minute drive means it can't be that far away.

PlaymobilPirate · 18/04/2017 08:39

It's really not that big a deal - ten minutes away is nothing long term. You just need short term plan whilst recovering from the c-section... DP change hours at work / child minder to drop him off etc

CoteDAzur · 18/04/2017 08:43

"I'm shocked at all the posters saying they drove a week or so after a c section. The reason you're supposed to wait 6 weeks is because you have to be able to complete an emergency stop without hesitation."

"Shocked", you say? Grin As in, mouth agape, hand clutching pearls, and all that?

Fear not, I was able to do emergency stop etc by 1 week past CS. I would not have otherwise taken the wheel.

"While the stomach muscles are recovering from surgery it makes it harder to push down on the pedals with as much strength and also because your mind tells you to be careful you don't react as quickly."

Maybe you weren't able to press on the brand pedal (I was) and you couldn't react quickly 1 week after CS. Don't assume that your physical and mental shortcomings post-CS were universally shared by all women everywhere in the world.

Recovery depends on the CS (its particular ease/difficulties, surgeon's skill, etc) and the person (how quickly you heal, your mental state, etc). I walked to the toilet hours after CS and did not even need a paracetamol pill from Day 2 onwards.

LIZS · 18/04/2017 08:46

Unless the admissions criteria haven't been applied correctly an appeal is very unlikely to succeed. Bear in mind there will be at least a week's half term holiday during your recovery period so you are really only going to find it a problem for 5 weeks maximum , some of which your dh can take as paternity leave. However I suspect your concern is not really about short term logistics but your disappointment. Go on the waiting list but start planning around the journey.

welshweasel · 18/04/2017 08:50

Everyone heals at a different rate. That's why a blanket 6 week ban would be ridiculous and in real life doesn't actually exist. I'm a surgeon and perform far more invasive abdominal surgery than a c section on a regular basis. My patients get told the same advice, drive when you are able to do so without pain and can do an emergency stop. People pearl clutching and telling others that they 'aren't allowed' to do something are talking shit. No muscles are actually cut in a c section, hence why it's actually far less painful to recover from than you might expect for a wound that size. A lot of it is down to individual attitude and need to get out and about. People who live rurally and have kids to get to school tend to drive far quicker than those with good public transport and no kids to get places!

Nipperknight · 18/04/2017 08:51

THE 6week rule is not rubbish. I went to my GP to request a note or something so I could drive early. (4wks post c-section). She said no it had to be 6wks, which she said was really a minimum time.
Also rang my insurer who told me the same thing.

I guess everyone has different experiences.

contrary13 · 18/04/2017 08:58

Seconding shouldwestay - I was doing the school run, as a lone parent, with a 2 day old baby and a Yr 4 child. My DD felt massively sidelined, because - in her mind - I was no longer doing whatever she thought I was doing, but spending the entire day cooing at and paying attention to her new brother (in actual fact, I was frantically finishing a degree dissertation and panicking about how I was going to cope long-term as a lone parent to two). I had no support whatsoever, so, like many PP's, I coped. Because I had to. Because my older child, not to mention my then newborn, needed me to.

However, having said that... when my daughter was 4 and given a place at a school who thought it perfectly acceptable for their pupils to escape on a regular basis right next to a main road... I kept her out for the extra year and found her a far better school where she would be safe.

Only you know what is best, longterm, for your family, OP, but your son having been given a place at a school 10 minutes away isn't the end of the world. If you have support... get someone else to take him whilst you're recovering from the 'C'-section (please don't drive until the 6 weeks are up, and you're cleared by a doctor, because you won't be insured... as my SIL found out, when she was 15 days post-partum with a 'section and doing the school run and someone rear-ended her). If you don't... appeal and cite this as the reason why. You might be lucky. But if you're not... then he doesn't need to start school, legally, until he's 5 - as PP's have said - and he might relish/need the time with you and his new sibling in order to bond. I didn't get that luxury with my two, because my oldest was too entrenched in the education system by then. But if it had been an option? She would have been at home, with us, bonding with her baby brother and realising that I wasn't faffing about doing nothing, but working my socks off to provide for them both.

Flowers

meditrina · 18/04/2017 08:59

"The not insured thing is bollocks as well. I was told that after my first section, rang my insurer and and they didn't know what I was talking about."

It depends on your particular insurer. Always best to check.

Transport issues, though, do not form a reason tomappeal, unless there is some extenuating circumstance (serious mobility issues fir the prospective pupil, for example) and although not want you want to hear, recovery from childbirth isn't counted as such.

Headofthehive55 · 18/04/2017 09:05

welsh I think talking about individual attitude is hurtful as it suggests that you are being super precious and could if only you wanted to. People do recover differently - there are no medals for bravery here. Sometimes you just are not that able to and it's no good telling someone that only if they had the right attitude they would be able to!

it is a worry that you could possibly struggle to get your little oneto school, especially when you might not have good friends to help and family might not be in a position to help.

noblegiraffe · 18/04/2017 09:14

I've had an EMCS where I didn't feel ok to drive till 6 weeks and an ELCS where I could have driven after a week but didn't till 2 weeks because I waited for an appointment with my GP to sign me off for driving. He looked baffled as he'd never been asked before but said my scar looked fine and I could move fine and made a note. I phoned my insurers and they said I was fine to drive.

The difference in recovery between my two CSs was remarkable. If you told me how well I'd have felt after 1 week with the second I wouldn't have believed you after my first.

Devilishpyjamas · 18/04/2017 09:16

I had no idea that no muscles are cut in a c-section. Every day is a school day!!

Middleoftheroad · 18/04/2017 09:19

I could barely walk after my section and waited full six weeks for driving. Again, if I had been in a bump not sure my body would've handled a jolt either. I guess it depends on your body and recovery, but it's not a competition about who was the first to be back behind the wheel!!

Re school: unfortunately being at nursery does not guarantee a place at the school too. presuming it's popular - is it a one form entry too?

Get on waiting list for all possible schools and as others have said, you can defer or wait until a place is available and you are back driving and settled with new baby.

I understand the worry - we're going through it at seconday stage. Good luck.

Devilishpyjamas · 18/04/2017 09:20

Ooooh they clamp them apart don't they? Or pull the baby out between the muscles? Mine haven't gone back after 12 years Grin

NotMyPenguin · 18/04/2017 09:42

I'm really sorry, that must be gutting to watch your son be so upset about it.

Don't give up! Ring up and make sure you are still on the waiting list for your first choice school. You can still accept the place at the other school, but stay on the waiting list and switch if you get your first preference. I was told that lots of people on waiting lists do get in.

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