My daughters school has really let its children down

[jude3184]

I guess I'm writing for some reassurance really. Reassurance that I've not suddenly turned into one of those mother that moans about anything and everything.

Friday just past I received a letter from my daughters school (as did every parent) stating that on Monday there would be a school treat into the woods to build dens etc. Wonderful I thought. What I lovely idea. It wasn't until I read the letter a little more indepth that I realised that actually, the trip was only for the children that had earned enough dojos (or merit points for those wondering what dojos are).

My daughter wasn't really bothered either way as she only needed 3 dojos to make it on to the trip ao she made sure her homework was handed in 5 days early that time. She was proud as punch and really looking forward to the trip. She even took a change of clothes in her bag.

Well, I picked her up that afternoon and she was very upset. Apparently her (and 3 others) were made stay behind as she hadn't made the 'grade', so to speak. The entire school left and had a wonderful afternoon together whilst the poor ones left behind were made do maths for the afternoon.

I'm by no means a mother that feels that my daughter should go just because she is my daughter, I'm also not against her losing dojos of she doesn't deserve them. My issue is the fact that these poor children were left feeling that they aren't good enough by the schools standards.

I feel it sends out a really negative message, especially when she had tried so hard to be allowed to go.

I spoke to the school headteacher who firmly sticks by it being a perfectly acceptable thing to have done. I asked whether the same would have happened if only one child hadn't earned enough points and she said she would have left them behind also.

I have no issue with something like this being a class or team effort whereby the whole class misses out of they don't all work together but to single children out just seems very dated and wrong. I feel it's going to make children feel that their best isn't good enough.

I also raised the point that when I was in school, sports day was held and there were winners of a race ranked 1st-4th place. They abolished that system because they didn't want children to feel like losers if they didn't win so instead just gave everyone a certificate for taking part. So why is this the case when quite clearly they're happy to let children feel bad about themselves by leaving them behind.

Another point my daughter raised was that some children that she considers naughty (she's only 8 so she means children that have challenging behaviour) are rewarded these points or dojos simply for 'behaving' so In turn, got to go in the trip, whereas a child that in to the school considered 'normal', that behaviour is expected so goes unrecognised.

I'm so very frustrated and I am seriously contemplating taking the matter further but I don't want to sound ridiculous so please, don't mince your words. If you think I'm being silly please let me know.

Thanks in advance.

My DC's school had a similar reward system last year. Earn enough awards, be rewarded with a whole school activity at the end of the term.

They don't do it this year.

Complete fail, as other posters said, the "naughty" kids have the awards thrown at them when they behave, the quiet, well behaved, average students missed out.

My kids have had teachers that hand out 5 awards for answering 2+2 correctly, to teachers that rarely hand them out at all.

Some teachers ended up just letting their whole class participate in the end, because they knew they didn't deserve to miss out.

I would say something OP, that's how ours was stopped, enough parents voiced their concerns over the fairness of it all.

At the opposite end of the scale, golden time can eff off. DS is a "naughty" one. He never gets golden time and has, in fact given up on ever getting it. Someone asked me if he had even been "achiever of the week". I did not know this existed. He's been at this school for over a year now. He does have good days, apparently and does do good work sometimes, but we don't get letters home about that. So, not all teachers hand out plaudits to the naughty ones just to encourage them. Judge away, you won't be any harsher on me and my family than I am. It's miserable.

I have three children and have worked in a number of different schools. I have yet to come across an effective and fair system. The school I currently work at has no rewards system. The children are expected to behave well. I much prefer it. I have a dd at another school who is one of those nice quite well behaved kids. It's starting to get her down that she never gets any gold awards etc. Basically the teachers just take her behaviour for granted.

It is hard to answer without knowing why the OPs dd had

How shit.

and for your poor dd, OP.

That sounds really bad on your daughter. My daughter - just 9, teacher seems to have a fairer system. Class split into two groups - random each week. They earn raffle tickets that go into each teams pot during the week, with names on backs. End of the week the group with the most gets 30 mins extra playground time. Then one ticket is drawn from each pot, and given a prize from the prize pot, random chance, obviously increased if you have more tickets.

I too would be wanting to take it further.

It sounds like the key issues to address in writing with the head are -

• children only being given one days notice to increase their dojo points in order to 'win' this treat. There are a finite number of dojos that they can get in a day, so some were probably never going to be able to go on the trip

• that your dd's behaviour/effort/work at home/insert as necessary are significantly inadequate that she was one of 4 children who weren't able to win enough dojos to go on this trip. This concerns you, and also comes as a surprise as you had no idea that her behaviour/effort/work at home/insert as necessary were causing the school concern and you would have appreciated this information being communicated to you

I would also dig out her last report (from what you have said, no problematic issues have been identified), and ask the head to explain why the difference between then and now (as evidenced by her non-attendance on this trip) hasn't been brought to your attention before

I would also ask to be signposted to the part of the behaviour policy which mentions children being excluded from group treats just because they don't have a particular number of dojo points, rather than for transgressing the policy ie doing something wrong and not responding to warnings.

Good luck. Hope that your dd is okay.