"Can you come and collect your child right now - she's sick."

[backinthebox]

First day back at school after half term and by 10.45am I was back at school to collect DD (8) because she wasn't feeling very well. She was absolutely fine when I dropped her off. I had an event I had been very much looking forward to that was impossible to take DD with me to (first day of the winter run of horse riding events.) So I missed my day out with friends and stayed at home with DD instead. She didn't seem very ill, just a bit quiet, and by lunchtime she was looking very perky indeed. She said she even felt well enough to go to Brownies as they were having a bonfire. I'd told her if she was too ill to be at school she would probably to ill to be able to go to Brownies, but by 12.30 she was begging to go back to school since she wanted to go to Brownies. So I took her back, and she was fine for the rest of the day. By this point it was too late to catch up with my friends.

When I was at school if you felt ill you were taken to a quiet room to sit down for an hour or so to see if you were really ill or just needing some time out. Only if you were physically injured or being sick were parents called in. I'm frequently away with work, always out of the country. My husband would find it difficult to leave work if running a training course or chairing a meeting, and though we have a nanny she has another job during the day once she has dropped the children off at school.

AIBU to think that school should be better placed to make a decision as to whether a child is really sick or there are other issues before calling parents? I am fairly certain there are no bullying issues, but she is the youngest in the year and sometimes lags a little behind her classmates emotionally and needs a bit of time to process things. I'd like to speak to someone at the school but not sure whether that person would be her teacher, the head or the secretary (who took the decision to send her home.)

I am surprised by your post. Being a parent means putting your child's needs first. At least before social engagements.

Who would be supervising your child in the quiet room?

So you would rather they ignored a child who said they felt poorly and made them carry on?

Is this a joke?

YABVU.

Teachers have no medical qualifications. If a DC says she's ill then they have to believe it. There is no one spare to nurse a sick (or faking it) DC. She has to go home.

I think you need to consider your options for the situation when your daughter is unwell. Mine had 10 days off through the whole of nursery (5 for CP and 5 when she was hospitalised).
Come year 2 she became blighted by migraines which caused her to vomited and some of them lasted for days it took until mid year 5 to get them under control. She needed to collected 4 to 5 times a term and taken home urgently.

You missed a social engagement, get over it. Your dd was poorly.

I'm a LP and have to take a day unpaid when my dc's are sick. I don't have a dh or nanny to support me. Schools do not have infinite resources to care for children.

Actually, I think for a child who is just a bit quiet (no real symptoms) I'd like the school to be a bit brisker: ' Oh dear, let's see how you are by lunchtime' rather than instant parental collection.

I used to be phoned so often it was beyond a joke (he just hated school and was more than bright enough to work out how to get sent home). Then we'd get the follow-up letters protesting about his poor attendance. Hey ho.

So you picked her up at 10.45
And dropped her back off at school by 12.30?

Wow.

Is it a one off or have they made a habit of phoning when she doesn't seem very ill?

My general experience of primary school is that they encourage the kids to soldier on, leading to the odd occasion when I rather wished they had called me on receiving a thoroughly poorly DC at pick up. I have been called twice for DS in primary - once when a minor sniffle at drop off had become a raging fever by the afternoon, and once for a painful ear infection.

Any parent, or any teacher, can call it wrong with kids of that age. I've let DD stay home occasionally to find by lunchtime she's bouncing off the walls and I'm cursing my poor judgement. So if a one off I really would let it go.

If it's happening repeatedly then I would think a conversation with school is in order, but I'd look more at why your DD is saying she feels poorly when she obviously isn't that bad. She might, as you say, be having some anxieties about school and trying an escape route. Or she might be like my DD and a little inclined to extract the maximum drama out of the smallest sniffle

I'm surprised at your post too, but only because my DCses primary would not send children home until they actually fainted or threw up.

I used to be a parent helper and I can say that there are some really good budding actors coming up through our primary schools right now! I fell for it every time. I was shocked that a child so clearly unwell - maybe crying with the distress of it all - was not being sent home. Then at playtime, the TA pointed out the same child running, shouting and laughing in the playground before returning to the classroom and resuming the droopy posture that just exuded misery.

On the other hand, I found it hard to trust the school to call me when my children were genuinely ill.

OP - I hope you refused to allow your DD to go to the bonfire night as punishment for lying. Its the lying that's the problem here, not the soft-heartedness, or otherwise, of the person dealing with it at school.

The trouble is that these days the school can't seem to win whatever they do. I've heard parents in the playground moaning that their child has been sent home and they've been fine when they get there, eating, drinking and playing with their toys and I've heard others moaning that their child was clearly very poorly at pick-up time and why hadn't they been sent home?

I feel sorry for teachers these days, it's a bloody minefield!!

Your nanny must be on a terrible wage to have to take another job during the school day...

Personally, if I thought she was faking (which seems to have been the case from your OP) I have kept her home, in bed with no screen time all day and kept her off Brownies too.

Might have incentivised her not to do it again.

Good grief! Always give your child (& to be fair- the school) the benefit of the doubt!

If it's happening repeatedly it might need checking out, but I don't care about schools aims for 100% attendance. If your child is ill that takes priority.

Incidentally I can't abide kids being given certificates for 100% attendance when they were just lucky not to get sick this term.

Actually if you know your child can become overwhelmed at school and feign illness for some quiet time then absolutely do talk to the teacher and see if there's a way to get that time out in the school day.
I think your horse riding thing is a red herring. It's not good for a child to struggle so much at school that they feel they have to pretend to be ill and get sent home.

Schools just can't win.

So you picked her up at 10.45
^And dropped her back off at school by 12.30?^

This!

I would not have taken my child back, I would have ensured they had a very dull day at home and then missed Brownies.

I agree that it's frustrating for your child to miss a day of school or be sent home, only to perk up seemingly minutes later.

However, we all make mistakes (I kept my son home only yesterday and he was fine by 10am), and surely it's better for teachers to send a child home unnecessarily than have them really suffering at school?

If it's a common problem, I'd perhaps query it.

I am not working at the moment and rather enjoy having one of my elder children at home for the day, even if I'd made other plans for myself and my toddler.

When I was working, it was a real problem, though, so I think in your position I'd just try to be thankful that you weren't working yesterday.

As far as I know, schools don't normally send children home just because they say they feel poorly. I agree they need to wait a bit to see if anything develops or not. In my kids school this is what they do. So YANBU

She convinced the school she was ill enough to go home; then 90 minutes later convinced you she was well enough to go back to school in case she'd miss Brownies...
Where is the school at fault here? I'd be having a stern word with your dd.

She wouldn't have gone to Brownies in this house. If the illness was genuine, it would be inappropriate, if fake it would be, too. Not the school's fault, some kids are really good actors and it is better to send a faker home than to miss a truly ill child.