School says child with ADD can't learn instrument!!

[Burntthedinneragain]

I am unspeakably cross!

My DC is 6 years old and has mild ADD but loves school and is well behaved and compliant. DC is perfectly capable of learning - can do the usuals such as reading (reading age of about 8.10), can do number bonds and quite a few times tables etc.

After 1/2 term of lessons the music teacher emailed to say that she no longer wishes to teach DC because despite trying very hard DC's "concentration is not at a level which helps maintain learning and therefore is not progressing as we would expect. This can obviously be discouraging for any child when learning something new."

This makes no sense to me whatsoever! Why should my DC not be permitted to learn an instrument because of a learning difficulty!? I am trying to be reasonable - I understand that progress may not be as quick as with some other children, but I am not asking for a Liszt recital within a term, I just want an enjoyable experience and a token bit of progress.

Many 3 & 4 year olds learn an instrument without a problem and DC has much better concentration than a 3/4 year old, so why should she be unwilling to teach DC? I feel that if DC is not progressing as she expects (or as fast as other children?) then teacher needs to adjust her expectations! And as for DC being discouraged, Surely any child can feel happy and proud of their progress if the lessons are set an appropriate level and praise and encouragement are given. Shouldn't I expect that attitude from the music teacher?

Surely this is a case of the teacher failing to teach rather than the child failing to learn? AIBU or is that attitude unacceptable?

(Would also like to point out that I am not one of THOSE precious parents who cannot admit their DC is crap at some things. and I do not want to sound as though I'm trying to say this is the greatest injustice the world has ever seen either!)

Advice / opinions welcome!

Is your child having individual lessons or group lessons? Perhaps he/she is not keeping up with the group.

If individual lessons, YANBU.

I believe that is called 'discrimination' due to a disability and as such, totally illegal.

Sounds like it's a teacher failing to teach, and as Doreen says, is almost certainly illegal.

But.... do you actually want your child to have contact with someone like this?

I'd try and find a new teacher - one who's prepared to put some effort into understanding your son.

Actually, having read NeedAScarf's uber-reasonable post, I think they've probably got a point. Have a chat with the teacher before deciding why you've had the email.

I've also noticed that you haven't mentioned whether your DC is a DD or DS - I don't know why I assumed it was a DS. Sorry.

The teacher may not feel that the student is getting anything out of the lessons. Some teachers aren't honest enough to let parents know when this is the case, and just keep accepting money, when all that is happening is the child is slowly losing enthusiasm for music.

Maybe this isn't the right instrument or the right teacher for your child.

On the other hand, if your child comes home and plays the piano with gusto, seems more excited about learning than before lessons started, and looks forward to lessons, you should talk to the teacher in person and explain that your child is enthusiastic, just maybe expressing it in a way the teacher doesn't understand.

Most likely, a different teacher would be the answer, as the relationship between a child and a private music teacher is a very subtle, personal, often intense and significant one.

If it's group lessons perhaps it would be better for your child to learn with the year below?

If it's individual lessons then the teacher is being discriminatory and you should put in a formal complaint.

I assume piano because you mention Liszt-

Are you paying extra for these lessons because it's possible that the teacher is ,in a very clumsy way ,telling you not to waste your money and that has nothing to do with any SN some people just are not cut out for some instruments .

That's really mean of them. I learnt the violin for years. I was unbelievably shit (turns out I'm tone deaf ) and never progressed at all. But I enjoyed it and as long as my parents were happy to pay my teacher was happy to attempt to teach me.

And your daughter might be good at it but they won't know will they.

My DH has been teaching a little boy for a couple of years now, who was barely able to control himself to stay sitting on a chair at first. The parents are overjoyed at the progress he has made, not only in music (as he's now able to concentrate for short periods and remember a few notes) but his attention span at school is so much improved.

I suspect that this has more to do with the unwillingness of your DC's teacher to persevere than your DC's lack of progress.

Sounds like the teacher might just be politely trying to say that the child isn't ready for individual lessons, and isn't making progress yet. Lots of teachers won't be honest enough to say so, but many of them feel like it. Formal music lessons aren't suitable for every child. And many individual instrumental teachers are trained in teaching that sort of lesson, because it's what is usually wanted, what they've experienced, what they know. There are others who teach a very different type of lesson to younger children, who play with music, who do games, who have ways to get young ones to concentrate and learn.

Perhaps you need to make it clear to the teacher that you don't care about progress, just want your child to enjoy lessons.

Many music teachers want to teacher children who are able to concentrate on the lesson, old enough to pay attention and remember things, old enough to take care of instruments, old enough to multitask, all that sort of thing. It's a totally different skill to teaching general music skills to very little ones, and many teachers don't accept pupils who are under about 7 or 8. My piano teacher wouldn't take children who couldn't already read, because she thought it was just too much for them to focus on.

I don't think the teacher is being horrible, just honest, in saying that your child isn't ready for individual lessons in the way that she teaches them. Either you can write back and say that you don't care if they don't make progress, just keep on having fun, or you can find a teacher that specialises in younger children and teaches through games or activities.

It's frustrating for a music teacher to try to do an individual lesson with a child who doesn't concentrate or doesn't seem to be getting much out of it, and they might prefer to wait until the child is ready, and teach someone else in the meantime. Most parents don't want their child to go through lessons when they aren't making progress, so the teacher probably expects you to be in that group too, and if you aren't, you need to make sure they know.

Just to point out OP, many 3 and 4 year olds do NOT have lessons and make progress. Anyone who thinks most 3 or 4 year olds are capable of learning and instrument is deluding themselves. There are odd exceptions obviously....

You've not mentioned how your child feels, at all. The teacher also didn't appear to say it's because your kid has ADD..... That's you assuming...

OP, sorry you are so upset.
Don't panic, your child is still very young and lots of people start at a later age, and still learn to play instruments very successfully. I imagine the teacher wants to save you from wasting the money.

There are many wonderful professional performing musicians who also teach music, and can teach talented students to a very high level, but are not trained to cope with SEN. Similarly, there are lots of music teachers who would not be able to meet the needs of musically gifted children, but who are wonderful with other children. Be glad that your child's teacher is being honest with you and telling you that the lessons are not going well, instead of keeping quiet and taking the money.

By the way, I know a successful professional concert pianist who started lessons at 5, and left after 3 weeks, as the teacher and parents both recognised she was too young. She started lessons again at the relatively late age of 9, was winning local competitions by 11, playing virtuoso repertoire by 15, then won scholarships to music college.

"Many 3 & 4 year olds learn an instrument without a problem"

Really? Not in my experience. The usual age is around 7.

It needs a tolerant teacher to teach a younger child (3 or 4 is commonplace in musical families by the way) or one with a behavioural idiosyncrasy. We started off our son around 4 with an older lady who was geographically convenient and it was a disaster - she fired him from lessons essentially saying he could not cope, whereas it was obvious to us the problem was definitely with her complete intolerance. This was confirmed by him learning well with a new teacher producing good progress and a string of distinctions/merits. I suggest you try another teacher and explain the issue. There is a lot in the relationship that matters.

I think the teacher is saying 'not yet ready' not 'crap, go away'

6 is very young to be starting on an instrument. OK, yes some people do train from an early age (isn't that Suzuki method) but it really isn't either the only or the best way to learn.

If DC is getting nothing out of the lessons (how do they describe them, btw) then stop and try again next year.

Hi, I've been on both sides of the fence as a music teacher and a mum. Firstly you should speak to the teacher and ask directly if they even know your DC has ADD. Frustratingly sometimes this info isnt passed on.
Secondly - do they love their instrument and play every day? If they dont play regularly they wont make progress.

Now with my mum head on - my DS1 is turning into a very good musician. He too is 6, and has had 3 teachers! He found it hard to relax and concentrate with the first two. They just didnt gel. But he was happy to do his homework and played every day. In the lessons I think he was a pain in the ass. The teachers never said those words but I could tell. After a while we tried teacher number 3. Perfect fit. She 'gets' him. He has had a distinction in his last exam and is preparing for a competiton.
He would never have achieved this with teachers 1 & 2 as they just didnt match.
Maybe look at this letter as an opportunity to find your child a better match.

Lots of music teachers have little experience with any sort of learning difficulties and unless you have specifically told the teacher, she may not know anything about it. Most schools will not pass any information direct onto music teachers, and unless a parent tells us direct we simply don't know. However I can see why a parent might be upset if that sort of email lands in your inbox.
I would email back and ask to speak to the music teacher explain about your DC's needs and your expectations. It is generally easier to talk about something like this rather than email. (Most of us are used to dealing with parents wanting their DC to take exams that they really aren't ready for, so this would be a refreshing change.) Lots of music teachers have no training or little experience with dealing with learning difficulties and it might be some tips from you to help him concentrate might help.
Talk to your DC and see how he/she feels about the lessons as well and then either leave it a year as 6 is very young, carry on having discussed with the teacher the best way forward or find a different teacher.

Sounds a shame if your DC is enjoying learning to play even if not making progress as such. I could understand group lessons being a problem if others are being held up, but not individual lessons.

Playing an instrument can be a great way to deal with stress or anxiety - even if you're rubbish at it. When's DC was going through stressful times taking time out to play was a godsend.

Can you find a different teacher? It might be worth asking around because it sounds like your teacher only wants exam fodder. DS's teacher has seen him to Grade 7 so far, but was also happy to have DD playing pop songs and not doing exams at all.

We don't let most KS1 children learn an instrument because they can't cope with the lessons and practice at that age. I doubt it has anything to do with needs and more that children of that age are too little for a 30min one to one lesson.

Trinity that is depressing:( My kids go to a Saturday music school which starts them (gently) at 5.5, individual lessons from 6. They cope fine with lessons and practise. I really notice the difference the high expectations have on achievement. By contrast my kids primary school expect very little in the way of music, and get a correspondingly small amount back. I'm guessing you teach ks1 kids to read? Then let them learn an instrument!

Between my DP and 3 DCs they play Rhythm Guitar, Lead, Bass, Drums, Banjo, Accoustic, bit of keyboard, Ukelele and a kazoo.

DP is 43, if he was at school now he'd have been diagnosed ADD, his drums and guitar kept him sane, through a few music lessons and teaching himself. My youngest is ASD and plays a few basic things but is pretty hot on keyboard - taught himself.

Sky Arts recently did a Guitar Star show, one of the Rock finalists was this young guy with ADHD, his said his playing was a lifeline and he was fantastic.

Your teacher is a disgrace.