School says child with ADD can't learn instrument!!

[Burntthedinneragain]

I am unspeakably cross!

My DC is 6 years old and has mild ADD but loves school and is well behaved and compliant. DC is perfectly capable of learning - can do the usuals such as reading (reading age of about 8.10), can do number bonds and quite a few times tables etc.

After 1/2 term of lessons the music teacher emailed to say that she no longer wishes to teach DC because despite trying very hard DC's "concentration is not at a level which helps maintain learning and therefore is not progressing as we would expect. This can obviously be discouraging for any child when learning something new."

This makes no sense to me whatsoever! Why should my DC not be permitted to learn an instrument because of a learning difficulty!? I am trying to be reasonable - I understand that progress may not be as quick as with some other children, but I am not asking for a Liszt recital within a term, I just want an enjoyable experience and a token bit of progress.

Many 3 & 4 year olds learn an instrument without a problem and DC has much better concentration than a 3/4 year old, so why should she be unwilling to teach DC? I feel that if DC is not progressing as she expects (or as fast as other children?) then teacher needs to adjust her expectations! And as for DC being discouraged, Surely any child can feel happy and proud of their progress if the lessons are set an appropriate level and praise and encouragement are given. Shouldn't I expect that attitude from the music teacher?

Surely this is a case of the teacher failing to teach rather than the child failing to learn? AIBU or is that attitude unacceptable?

(Would also like to point out that I am not one of THOSE precious parents who cannot admit their DC is crap at some things. and I do not want to sound as though I'm trying to say this is the greatest injustice the world has ever seen either!)

Advice / opinions welcome!

Thank you all so much for your responses. To answer your questions:

The lessons are 15 minute individual lessons not group and the instrument is Piano. We pay extra for them, I think it is £23 per lesson, but tbh I can't remember if that is the cost for 30 mins (therefore we would pay half) or if that this the price for each of the 15 minute lessons.

DC is loving the lessons, or at least loving the fact that he is learning piano! I've heard statements like "I want to play Piano like Daddy", plus DC will sit at the piano at home and open OH's sheet music and pretend to play it, so there is certainly some enthusiasm. I am not very musical (unlike OH), so OH assessed DC and it seems DC is able to tap his foot in time to music correctly and can hear to the nearest semi-tone which note is higher or lower, so at least we know DC is not tone deaf and has some sense of rhythm.

A friend of the family (who unfortunately lives in the wrong bit of the country for us) is a piano teacher and she will begin to teach them at 3. At that age she will do excercises like: sad tune or happy tune, marching like a soldier or swaying like a tree (the child does actually get up and march or sway), play a black note then play a white note, play a high note play a low note, play quiet then play loud, pressing keys with different fingers, then when they are a little older they can look at flashcards etc.

Reading what everyone has said makes me think that perhaps DC's teacher is 'the wrong sort of teacher' as she can only teach in a very adult style and cannot contemplate doing a lesson which is a little bit more like the above?

What do those of you who think starting to learn at 7 is ideal think of the sort of lesson I've detailed above? Do you find it a little pointless? I'm genuinely interested to hear, as I assume DC's teacher may feel the same?......

Trinity0097 ?
Meditrina ?
Clam ?
Titchy ?
Needacarfformygiraffe ?

trinity that is deeply regrettable and frankly prejudiced against wa

hat kids can be capable of. I would not suggest that all kids who have musical

trinity that is deeply regrettable and frankly prejudiced against wa
hat kids can be capable of. I would not suggest that all kids who have musical

trinity that is deeply regrettable and frankly prejudiced against wahat kids can be capable of. I would not suggest that all kids who have musical

trinity that is deeply regrettable and frankly prejudiced against wa

hat kids can be capable of. I would not suggest that all kids who have musical

trinity that is deeply regrettable and frankly prejudiced against wa

hat kids can be capable of. I would not suggest that all kids who have musical

Sorry cat walked on keyboard! I was trying to say that not all kids who have musical promise will be ready in KS1 but some of them will be. It is helpful to have initial lessons at 15-20mins as 30mins can be difficult for younger children. Our kids' prep had a from year 3 policy and we broke it by having lessons out of school from pre-reception with the same teacher and then leveraging that to have it done in school with the teacher's support.

The discrimination issue.....

I am not sure if the music department would have been told about DC's diagnosis or not.

Would this count as discrimination? I am not sure! I do suspect that the teacher may only be willing to teach 'perfect' pupils who can make quick progress, which would make lessons unavailable to children with certain learning difficulties, however I assume she would also be unwilling to teach pupils who had no learning difficulties but who were just a bit crap?

Personally I find the idea that pupils who are not as able should not learn is utterly bizarre! If the entire school took this attitude then only 50% of pupils would learn each subject!

Claraschu
Yes, I suspect this is a case of the wrong sort of teacher! I will have a think about what to do.

FloralNomad
I'm not convinced it's possible to tell after a few lessons that a 6 year old will not have any aptitude at music!

Verypissedoffwife
I agree. Providing the child is happy learning the instrument I don't think it matters if they are crap. A good teacher can still make the child feel good about even the most pathetically small achievements.

Dodo bookends
Lovely story! Heartwarming to hear your DH has had such a positive impact on that DC's life. Well done to both of them!

Crochetquaverminim
Indeed! I think I will make it clear that I'm not in that camp of parents... However I have a feeling that she will still be unwilling!

Stretto
Yes, wrong kind of teacher I suspect! Amazing that your friend managed to achieve that!

Rogue dad
Yes, confirms my wrong type of teacher thinking!!

Meditrina
You can learn from a young age by the method I detailed in an earlier comment. Musical DH detests the Suzuki method as he says it does not teach musicality, so we would not try that.

Popandboo
DC has only ever practiced three times (a fact we should make clear to the teacher). This is because they had told us he was on the waiting list for lessons but did not tell us that he had actually started, so the first we knew of it was just over a fortnight ago! Very bad form! I probably do need a new teacher! Glad you've found a teacher who is a good fit for yours!

Ionacat
You have a good point, but I'm starting to wonder if this teachers attitude is just so different from ours that it can never work??

Twowrongsdontmakearight
Yes, DH and I have also been wondering if she and the entire music department just want exam fodder!

Zoemaguire
I totally agree! I also find it depressing. It's also really surprising at DC's school as the entire pre-prep department are so dedicated and really do invest in all the students so much, and they get amazing results because of it! Seems the music department are a million miles away from this.

Thank you all!

I still think you are being very hard on the teacher though. The sort of lesson you describe would be fine for a KS1 child - but it is not what most instrumental teachers are trained to do, or used to doing, etc, and quite likely, not what many of them particularly want to do. It's a very different type of teaching that teaches music appreciation and basic musical skills through games and activities, and there are teachers who specialise in that sort of thing. It's not so much that "the teacher can't contemplate doing that", which makes her sound close-minded and stuck-in-the-mud, but simply that it's not at all in her area of expertise. Many instrumental teachers have had a lot of music training, and are not necessarily trained teachers, certainly not with young children. She sounds like she is giving perfectly normal instrumental lessons, which are suited for children of about 7 or 8 and up, which is what very many teachers do, not that she only wants 'perfect pupils who make quick progress'. She just might want those who are at the stage of being able to concentrate for that length of time on learning to play the piano, not musical games in general. If there is a waiting list of pupils, it isn't surprising that she would rather teach someone who is a bit more ready to have that sort of lesson. It doesn't mean your child won't be in the future, or that you shouldn't explore the many programmes available that do work on those sorts of skills - musical games, aural training, rhythm, etc - often children who go through those programmes do better at music lessons in the future anyway.

If you are paying £23 it is possible to change to a different private teacher if you want, as that is probably the standard price or very close.

Mine started piano at rising 7 (and lots of RL people thought we were utterly bats to begin that early, but DH is musical and DC were keen to try.

Their teacher, who still teaches them, was a recommendation from a friend. They're private lessons, nothing to do with the school.

From what I can remember of those early lessons, all we provided was one of those music exercise books (one blank page facing one with lines for writing music) because he was teaching basics in terms of how to put fingers on keyboard, finding middle C, names of notes (there were drawings in the blank pages of hand outlines with each finger lettered) and had them playing a little tune at the end of the first lesson. Later the 'finger names' were written on the staves, in the right place for the note, so you you see how it went up and down.

By the time he transferred them on to one of the standard teaching child beginners books, they were well over half way through. He's seen the ebb and flow of interest of only moderately musical DC, is immensely patient, and happy to teach pieces they want to learn (we've had Doctor a Who phase and an Abba phase) or prep for exams, as they've taken some of them.

Sorry, if I'm stating the bleeding obvious, but have you got a wobble cushion for the piano stool?

The lessons that your family friend is giving sound fantastic as a business idea. Lots of parents pay for all sorts of activities for their kids, why not these?

Personally, though, I wouldn't pay for that sort of tuition and would prefer to wait until the child could learn "properly". 7/8ish seems to be the most common age to start, although I know that many start younger, especially those doing Suzuki method.

I think you should speak to the teacher directly before coming to any conclusions. It sounds like there's been a bit of miscommunication - if you weren't even aware he was having lessons - and it may be that she's not aware of your dc's ADD, or of the fact you didn't know about the lessons. He rate you're paying sounds very high - I'm a music teacher and that's about what I charge per hour (not in London though).
Have a chat with the teacher and if you don't think she's a good fit, but your dc wants to learn, maybe look for a suitable private teacher - perhaps at they weekend, so your dc isn't having to deal with trying to concentrate on yet another thing in the middle of an already challenging day.

The teacher is not obliged to teach anyone she doesn't want to teach, it is quite normal to insist on a particular standard or level of progress as a condition of continued tutoring.

I think you should just say to the teacher you weren't aware there had been lessons so dc did not practise. Add that you are surprised you weren't informed he'd started.

Of course there is no progress with no practice, that's independent of ADD. Ours expect 5 days of 10 minutes practice per week at the beginning and if the other children did this and your child didn't, the teacher might falsely assume no aptitude when it is only no practice.

I think CrotchetQuaver is right here.

Also, it is extremely unlikely that the music teacher knows anything about your son's ADD.

She is not being prejudiced, she just feels that your son is not benefitting from the expensive lessons she provides and doesn't want to waste your money and, more importantly, to risk your son to be put off by having the wrong sort of lessons at the wrong moment in his development.

Private lessons away from school are often better in my opinion, as they are something special, not something squeezed into a busy school day, often forgotten about right after they happen, if not right before (so the student is late or misses a session).

I know I am repeating stuff here, but I don't want you to feel like the teacher is acting from prejudice, which I think is very unlikely.

It isn't a "failure" by the teacher, she is presumably self employed, and sets her own conditions about who she does or doesn't teach. Given that she could almost certainly walk into a full time teaching job tomorrow, if she chose to, she has presumably made the decision about what sort of teaching she WANTS to do, and is sticking to it - good for her. That is not "Failing" that is strength.

But OP said in the last post dc does no practice. No practice, no point in lessons. Nothing to do with the teacher. OP didn't know there were lessons.

And as you say, OP, music department might not even know about the ADD. "School says child who won't practise cannot continue musical tuition" I agree with but school didn't tell op it has started.