Shocked: sex education in year 1 ?! [angry]

[LlZZlE]

Hi, my little girl is in year one, she was 6 in March.

The school are planning on showing them a video next week that the parents were told was "about the difference between boys and girls" and we were told it was part of the science curriculum. We were asked if we would like to see it,and a few of us went along. WELL! This video is more like sex education. It talks about men and women "using their sex parts to make babies" and it also states that "a girls clitoris and a boys penis sometimes goes hard" and that "it feels nice".

Now, I am far from prudish, and I am open and honest with my child, but I (along with a few Mom's that saw the video) think this is far too much information for children aged 5 & 6. I personally believe this is encouraging the sexualisation of children and I am very angry that when we asked the teacher before seeing the video, we were told categorically that it was not sex education...this is why so few of us went, as the teacher was so nonchalant about it.

May I ask, when did your child start sex ed in school, and do you think this is too soon?

Many thanks.

I am pretty sure that every 6 year old boy knows that his penis feels nice when it is hard. This is just a normal physical response and I don't think it has anything to do with watching "music videos or teen shows". (No small child would associate scantily clad teens with the feeling in his penis when he wakes up from a nap.) Little boys play with their penises, and most people accept that this is normal, not: "experimentation before the child is old enough to cope with it".

I agree with TRexing: the problem here is that people don't like the word "clitoris", or the idea of girls being taught to understand their (more complicated) private parts the way that boys do.

Honestly I cannot see the issue. My DD came home recently with a hysterical - if way inaccurate - description of sex and making babies due to the comments made by a friend who saw something on YouTube.

What is wrong with learning boys have a penis and girls a clitoris? What is wrong with them learning and saying these words, knowing the proper names instead of silly pseudonyms? Girls already know that touching themselves there feels nice - they have known this since they were tiny. Boys know their penis will change if they touch or rub it and it feels nice. They need to know this is normal and not odd. In generations past where children lived more in rural communities there would have been very few children of this age who did not know where babies came from after seeing life 'down on the farm'. Why is it so wrong for kids to know how they, their brothers and sisters and, indeed, their mums and dads came into the world? I think you need to work past your own embarrassment and have a think about why you are so appalled by children being told the correct names for genitals (which, lets face it, they already know they have) and the fact that these body parts are involved in contraception.

Children this age frequently ask how they 'got in mummy's tummy' so why is it so shocking to actually tell them the right answer in an informed way? They are old enough and curious enough to know where babies come from. Learning about where babies come from is basic biology and not sex education. Sex education would be teaching them about consent, relationships, contraception etc. Including the information about the fact that genitals can feel nice when touched or rubbed is a natural continuation because you are always going to get someone in a group of children who will happily share this information anyway and it is better it is included simply and factually so children can all know it is normal.

We've had some great child friendly books recently about where babies come from that my 8 year old has shared with her 5 year old sister without any drama. It is just something else for them to learn. How on earth is teaching them the names of their body parts, the fact that some body parts feel nice if touched or the fact that grown ups make babies by doing x, y or z 'sexualizing' children? It is not telling them to go out and make babies!

I think this is more about your own embarrassment tbh. Presenting information in this way allows the children to learn without embarrassment or confusion. Basic human biology is science but even if they were being given this exact info as part of a 'sex education' curriculum (which this really is not from what you describe) why would you be opposed to it? Your child is getting age appropriate, factual information, free from drama in a way that they can absorb and understand.

As a point of information, for anyone following the link below, the SPUC is The Society for the Protection of the Unborn Child, which has over the years extended its remit to include campaigning against, among other things, same sex marriage, assisted dying - and sex education in schools. So hardly a neutral commentator.

sorry - involved in 'conception' not 'contraception'!! Clearly makes the meaning very different, so that you auto correct :)

5!! Why would 5 year olds need to know about sex. I would never give permission for my 5 year old to watch this and of course this sexualises children.

Zinher FTFT!

"5!! Why would 5 year olds need to know about sex. I would never give permission for my 5 year old to watch this and of course this sexualises children."

Why?

Why would it not?

And wth is FTFT!

Zinnher, sex ed doesn't sexualise children, it informs them and gives them power. Dressing girls in adult style clothes with hideous slogans, giving them make-overs, etc, that's sexualising children.
My mantra for sex ed is as much as possible as early as possible.

I have boy/girl twins.

They have both been 'self soothing' since we stopped using nappies aged 2.5. They verbalised that it 'feels nice' as soon as they had the language to do so.

Given that they live in the same house and share a bath they have always both aware that a boys penis sometimes gets bigger and hard.

So far, so normal - were they 'sexualised' at this point at 2.5 yo? Were they undertaking 'dangerous experimentation' Of course not.

They both have enquiring minds and asked at about 3.5 for the names and purposes of all their 'private'. My little dd toddled off for a mirror (her own idea) to make sure she knew which bit was which.

I explained the terms vulva, vagina and clitoris just as I did scrotum and penis. They understood that we don't always use those terms day to day just as we say 'tummy' not stomach.

When they were 5yo they asked about how babies were made and we told them, casually and simply.

They are not aware that there is anything dirty, secret or horrifying about any of this knowledge so naturally obtained about their own bodies and how they work.

At what point did I steal their innocence?

Btw to put this in context of our family I am a practising Christain who waited until I was in my twenties to have sex for the first time.

I agree with Nigel's point.

My Dd knows about her clitoris but isn't allowed to wear nail varnish or crop tops like most of her friends.

Nor was she allowed to go to one Direction concert to scream at a bunch of men like most of the class.

Which set of parenting is 'sexualising' their daughters?

Again something to not blame the school for...school's now have to teach sex and relationships from yr 1 up so I would direct your anger at the Department of Education if you feel that strongly about it.

But tbh my 5 yr old DS is fully aware that his penis goes hard and it feels nice to play with it. He was pretty confident about that by the age of 3. He also knows that babies are made by a mummy and a daddy having a special cuddle that puts the seed and egg together. He doesn't know the mechanics of how this happens but I'm sure it won't be long before he asks and I will tell him a small child friendly version.

Children talk about the differences between men and women, how babies are made etc long before adults think they do. Surely it's better for them to have a basic understanding that can help keep them safe and confident in their bodies? I don't see how it can be 'stealing their innocence' when it's something they are naturally fascinated by anyway.

I don't believe that the executive head and child protection lead at the school said that this is a child protection issue. Having worked in child protection and understanding what child protection really is about, including the sexualisation of children, I don't believe that any child protection dept would investigate these concerns.
Are you sure you explained it correctly without jazzing it up into more than what it actually is? Have the child protection lead and executive head actually seen the video and teaching materials?
Unless there is much more to the video than what you have explained here I don't see what the child protection issue is.

If child protection needed to concern themselves with every parent who tells their young child about their bodies and where babies come from (including info about penises and clitoris' going hard and feeling nice) then they would never get any real child protection work done.

OP: it isn't uncommon for children of 5/6 or even younger to ask where babies come from and how they are made or why their penis gets bigger and bigger when they play with it so what do you suggest those parents do? Lie to them? Give them some stork story? Tell them to stop playing with their penis? Tell them something factually innaccurate? Avoid the question?

The only "appalling" thing is the fact that the school out and out lied to us as parents that it was not sex education. There is nothing appalling about the facts of life, and I have never said that. I am not embarrassed...far from it, I am more than happy to talk openly about Anything with my child - it is my job and I take my responsibility very seriously. I came on here to ask for help/advice because I wanted to know if other year one classes had the same because, of the schools local to me, ours is the only one to be doing this so young. I was brought up to believe sex was wrong before marriage and whenever anything remotely saucy came on the telly, it would be quickly switched off. What you don't know is that I want my daughter to have the opposite upbringing on this subject. I want her to know it is normal, and natural and wonderful, but unfortunately for her, she has no siblings so some of the subject matter hasn't arisen in a natural scenario. I just feel that being sat in a classroom, and watching a video like this is too much at this age. If you look back to my original post, you will see that my question was actually about if it was going on in other year one classes, not whether it was brought up at home. I joined mums net purely to ask this question, out of genuine concern, and sadly I have felt nothing but criticism and accusation that I am some sort of prude. The way some of you put words in my mouth is really infuriating too. I really hoped I would just get the answer to the question I asked. I appreciate all of you who have given an polite opinion, even if it is different to mine, and I will take on board lots of your comments, however the rest of you have put me off...and I hope your children don't end up as aggressive as you!

I agree with you Lizzie. Judging from the responses I am a prude but I would not want to expose my kids to this before 8/9 years of age. I also don't dress my children in crop tops and inappropriate slogan t-shirts. At 5 there is really no need to know about sex and masturbation

Children need to have open honest discussions about reproduction, sex for pleasure and relationships through out growing up at an age appropriate level. They also need to know sex is nice otherwise they will grow up with a stigma about it. The UK has got it wrong up to now. We have a high level of teen pregnancies and underage sex compared to Europe.

But what you have explained might not come under sex education, it sounds more like biology which is a science subject. I don't see it as any different than learning about pollenation (sp?) in plants and that is definitely science. Just because humans are involved it doesn't make it any less scientific.

Nobody has been aggressive and I am sorry that you feel that way. This is a discussion forum and people will give differing opinions but that does not mean that they are being aggressive.

It is good that you are prepared to talk to your daughter openly about these things but there will be many in a class of 30 whose parents are not prepared to speak to them, usually due to embarrassment or a misguided sense of wanting to 'keep their child's innocence' and those children need to know that certain feelings and happenings in their bodies are normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Why can't children know this in year one? Why the taboo? If they showed a video on how the heart worked you wouldn't bat an eyelid. If you see sex as something to be ashamed of, you are asking for problems later on.

And to you "Superexcited" I copied and pasted the text message my cousin sent me, the only thing I changed was the 'you' to 'I' etc to make it read right on this post. How dare you say I have jazzed it up, that's akin to me accusing you of being a sexual predator for having an opposing opinion! (Which I hasten to add, I am not accusing you of anything - just making a point) I am not a drama queen/a stirrer or a liar, I am just a concerned parent...and if you came to me with a concern, I certainly wouldn't bash you for it.

Accusing you of being a sexual predator - bahahahah. Now I know you are a drama queen!

My second was born 4 days before his big sister started school. She was 4.4 and asked a lot of questions. So she knew how babies were made, how they grew, what an umbilical cord did, a placenta's role, labour, delivery etc. She knew what a sperm was, how the sperm got from one place to another (plus some questions about how her aunt in same sex marriage manages to have babies). She also knew how her lungs worked, what her bladder does and how this relates to her kidneys, what the heart does and on and on and on. It was just factual naming of parts and functions. Four years later, is she sexualised? Bwahahahaha. No. She's just knowledgeable about the human body. She genuinely views it as part of biology and nothing more. Exactly as it should be imo.

Your 4 year old knew all that! The 4 year olds I know don't really care about their bladders and lungs and are not remotely interested in sperm

I think maybe it's time your cousin thought about some training for her Child Protection team.