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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Not happy dd not allowed to sit next to her best friend anymore

87 replies

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 20:42

I don't know if this is usual practice but 2 months after school begin the teacher shuffled some of the dc around and dd was told she can no longer sit next to her bestfriend but has to sit between two boys she doesn't much like and her friend has to sit next to a girl he doesn't like. Does this happen in your dc's class too.

They've just started school and dd and her friend were very happy. They've been best friends for about 4 years, playing together nearly every day and they're not disruptive, do their work, play with other dc too, they're not problem makers in any way.

Dd is SO unhappy. She cried all afternoon and I don't know what to do about it. There's no chance to meet up with this friend out of school at the moment so this is really the only chance they had to be close.

Thinking of approaching the teacher about it. Makes me really angry because it seems so pointless. A Polish mum told me this happened in her ds' class a lot too and it may be common practice in Germany, I don't know.

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DizzyBint · 06/11/2006 20:47

i don't think it's pointless. surely your dd has to learn to get on with other people, not just the people she chooses. do they see each other at break time?

popsycal · 06/11/2006 20:48

Fairly standard practice I am afraid

nutcracker · 06/11/2006 20:49

It's common practice for them to get shuffled around as far as I know, especially in the first few weeks of school.

Your dd will still see her friend at breaktime though surely ?

Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 20:49

Think that's a bit waffly. What I meant is it standard practice for teachers to move primary school pupils around even if they're not disruptive, or do you find this strange? If it happens everywhere, I don't think I can really ask the teacher to reverse her decision IYSWIM

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FillyjonkTheFireEater · 06/11/2006 20:49

I think its bloody ridiculous, tbh. Why? Whats wrong with having close friends and wanting to sit with them?

As adults we value close friendships yet we seem to see it as a bit odd in kids.

But, dunno, seems to be common practice.

Good luck

Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 20:50

oh didn't know schools always did that. No, there's no break as such in our German school - 5 minutes.

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PanicPants · 06/11/2006 20:50

This happens in every classroom. I suspect that they are probably quite chatty with each other, and although not at all disruptive, are probably not getting as much work done as they could do.

Children are normally sat due to ability and behaviour groups, so I doubt the teacher will move them again just because they are friends.

cece · 06/11/2006 20:50

Teacher's normally have their resaons for this sort of thing. If it is really a buig issue for you or DD then maybe pop in and ask why they have been split up. Surely they can still play together at playtimes though?

popsycal · 06/11/2006 20:51

I move children for a variety of reasons - very rarel is it to do with disrputiveness

emkana · 06/11/2006 20:51

Because they are not disruptive they might have been put next to children who are?
Because the theory is that the good children will have a positive influence on the "bad" ones.

nikkie · 06/11/2006 20:55

Ours get moved around a lot, when dd1 sits with her friends she doesn't do as much work as she is gossiping!Sometimes she has been put next to people she has clashed with but didn't stay there very long.Her class is also grouped at tables of ability so there is some movement between different groups.

Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 20:56

Yes, well as far as I understand it Emkana, that is what happened. Dd's friend's mother says she learned from him that some other dc were causing problems in the class and that's why the teacher decided to move dd.

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Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 20:56

There are no playtimes as such.

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Skribble · 06/11/2006 21:01

I think it is probably a good idea to keep them all moving, soon they will have to change seats anyway as they normaly move tables for maths and english etc depending on what group they are in. It would be even harder for her to be moved if they had been sat together for 6mths.

Can you arrange to meet up at the park or visit each others houses?

Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 21:05

I'm afraid it isn't possible for us to arrange to meet outside of school for the foreseeable future. Not till next year anyway.

I'm so annoyed. Dd and her friend were so enthusiastic about starting school together and really enjoying it and now this. It's just so unnecessarily upsetting.

Well the story is for music they can't sit together because the music teacher seats them according to size. Dd is a towering Viking type and the friend is small.

They are divided into two groups for maths and religion. With dd in one group, friend in another, so they can't sit together then, the groups go into different classrooms. They can only sit together for the rest which is reading/writing and whatever else they cover.

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Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 21:06

And now they can't sit together there either. I just think dc should have some say in who they sit next to if they're not causing problems. The teacher told me dd and her friend are a pleasure to teach

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Californifirework · 06/11/2006 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juuule · 06/11/2006 21:14

At the very least I would speak with the teacher to see if anything could be done. Let the teacher know how unhappy your dd is, what the reasoning is behind the being moved and ask what the teacher would advise.

PanicPants · 06/11/2006 21:15

If every child and parent had a say in where they sat, then there would be chaos.

Surely your child's social skills will improve and it will encourage her to have more friends, rather than limit her to just one?

And what would happen if/when her friend is off sick? Or when they fall out?

Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 21:18

Yes Juuule, think I'll mull it over tonight and call her tomorrow, ask what the reasons were and if we can make some other arrangement.

Thanks for the opinions everyone. Off to bed now, I'll read the thread again tomorrow when I'm feeling less frazzled before I speak to the teacher though!

On the whole, I think she's good and I have to get along with her for 2 years or so, that's why I'm reluctant to approach it but I was so frustrated to have my happy schoolgirl in tears and refusing to go back to class because of this. Aarghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I was so happy everything was going well with school till today. Blast it.

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Original poster

SSSandy · 06/11/2006 21:20

panicpants, she's very sociable and has plenty of friends in the class because they were all in kindergarten together and she really doesn't have problems getting on with kids generally, unless they hit or something like that. Same goes for her friend, they're just very very close but they don't exclude other people.

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mamama · 06/11/2006 22:21

I would ask the teacher what her reason was for moving the two. Has your daughter spoken to her teacher? I know sometimes kids seem fine in school then go home and tell their parents how upset they are and the teacher honestly had no idea. Is your daughter old enough to talk to the teacher herself? If the move isn't to do with your daughter & friend's behaviour, talking too much or lack of concentration, maybe the teacher will be happy to consider revising the seating plan but bear in mind that it can be very hard to arrange a group of kids in a small classroom and make everyone happy. And, of it's not possible to have them sit together, I think the others are right - it is important that children can get along with people they wouldn't necessarily chose to sit next to. And, if this is a primary school, there must be at least a lunch break and probably a morning one too when they two can socialise.

I hope the teacher is helpful when you talk to her and that you are able to sort this out. Good luck.

kid · 06/11/2006 22:39

Its normal practice in my DC school to be moved around. They are normally seated according to their ability, but not for all lessons. It might be possible for your DD to sit next to her friend during some sessions if they move around to a different table during the day.
But imo, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it with your DD, then she will be able to accept it and move on.

frances5 · 07/11/2006 10:10

Children go to school to work, not to play. I think what you describe is common practice in every school in the world. Seating plans are usually done for a very good reason. Often good children get moved about so that mildly naughty children do not feel singled out.

I am surprised that in germany the only have 5 minutes break, but surely there is lunch break. What about week ends. Could you not arrange some after school activity they could do together.

juuule · 07/11/2006 10:15

"Children go to school to work, not to play".
Ooooh, that's a bit harsh.

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