Not happy dd not allowed to sit next to her best friend anymore

[SSSandy]

I don't know if this is usual practice but 2 months after school begin the teacher shuffled some of the dc around and dd was told she can no longer sit next to her bestfriend but has to sit between two boys she doesn't much like and her friend has to sit next to a girl he doesn't like. Does this happen in your dc's class too.

They've just started school and dd and her friend were very happy. They've been best friends for about 4 years, playing together nearly every day and they're not disruptive, do their work, play with other dc too, they're not problem makers in any way.

Dd is SO unhappy. She cried all afternoon and I don't know what to do about it. There's no chance to meet up with this friend out of school at the moment so this is really the only chance they had to be close.

Thinking of approaching the teacher about it. Makes me really angry because it seems so pointless. A Polish mum told me this happened in her ds' class a lot too and it may be common practice in Germany, I don't know.

Ours have been regrouped at half term. Think it is fairly normal and may partly reflect ability in certain tasks (so they can all be supervised together), to encourage social skills or to minimise distractibility. tbh dd - 5 - was n't at all bothered and plays with friends at break from different "tables" and classes (they shuffled the classes around from Reception to year 1 so she has friends now in others). Like with so many things it often affects the parents more than the short term angst of the children and I do feel it is up to you to make the best of a system you can't/won't change and which will probably be the norm for a good few years.

Happened to DS#1 but that was because they talked to each other and played all the time when they were together. It happened in each class they went in to so I guess it was a serious problem. Your DD might be a very well-behaved child but still be a little chatty or fidgetty with her friend next to her. Can't they socialise in the breaks?

I'm sorry that she is sad but I'm afraid it is quite standard IME.

At dd's school, the children are seated next to their good/best friends at the beginning of the year. They were assigned new seats after half term, and will be given new seats again after Christmas, after Feb half term, after Easter etc. The only time I've known of unscheduled moving is when the two children are disruptive, don't get on, or there is some other sort of problem.

Dealt with it.

Left a message with the secretary asking teacher to call me which she did. I was prepared to be very tough being in my raging lioness mood this morning but I think she figured out pretty quick that I can be a difficult mother. She said she'd respect my wishes and dd would only be moved after she'd consulted with me first so can't complain really.

She told me why she does this kind of thing generally and that dd has the best social skills in the class which was her main reason for placing her elsewhere and so on but I wasn't having any of it. She's a good sort. You can speak to her very directly and she takes it well. I like her, nice, down-to-earth quite humourous woman.

Glad to hear things were able to be worked out so that everyone's happy

yeah well that's this one solved but the next problem will come soon enough I'm sure of it!

So did she say she would seat your DD back next to her friend?
I'm pretty certain that in my DCs school, where the parent would like their child to sit is irrelevant to the class teacher. I know someone said it earlier but the teacher can't cater for every parents wishes regarding the seating arrangement for their own child.

There will much more important issues that require your attention which I am sure you will find out soon enough.

sandy what are you going to do in following years if they split the classrooms . this happened to my Ds this year he was with only one of his friend and hes best mates all three of them were together in another class. I know it wasnt done for acamadic reasons (he got 3s in his sats ) I am sure it was donr for social reasons. he is year 3. i was upset at first but it all seems to be working out for the best in the end .

Oh the poor girl having to cry all afternoon, did she get moved back next to her friend ?
My dd's teacher let the dc sit where they wanted at first then he told us - before he moved them - so we could warn them, that they would be seated boy-girl-boy-girl for a trial period. He said he wanted to avoid the girls and boys not wanting to sit next to each other in future. Any way none of them liked it and my dd was sitting next to a boy who bothered her and wouldn't sit stil. She wrote the teacher a letter and gave it to him at the end of class, in which she wrote something along the lines of " Dear teacher, Bob is bothering me and I am not happy sitting next to him, please can I be moved.." Now she is next to her friend again.

yes, she's moved back now.

Kid, I'll deal with other problems when they arise I suppose. I don't kow-tow to teachers or people in "authority" generally so if I find something inappropriate at school, I would insist on having it sorted the way I want unless I'm thoroughly convinced my the school's arguments - like all business/bureaucratic dealings really. Don't know what you're getting at TBH

wakeupandsmellthecoffee - they don't split the classrooms in Germany but whatever else arises, I'll have to try and deal with. Hard to guess what problems lie ahead really and if I feel up to tackling them.

Not getting at anything SSSandy, I understand you want your DD to be happy at school, we all want our kids to be happy. I just think you are creating an issue out of a situation that your DD might have got used to. Obviously I don't know your DD so couldn't say that would have been the case here.
I do believe that children need to be able to handle change. They may not like it at the time, but its something they have to experience in life.

You wrote rather ominously:
There will much more important issues that require your attention which I am sure you will find out soon enough.

That's what I mean. I don't know what you're getting at, just sounds bitchy to me which I imagine was the intent

i agre
she needs to get over it

dont htink you are helping

will you write in to secondarys chool too?

write what?

SSSandy fwiw I think you've done the right thing. If it was no big deal to the school for her to sit next to her friend then no harm done and she's happy again. If there was a reason for the move you would have found a way to help your dd accept it. By next year she may not be bothered anyway. At the moment she is. Deal with each problem as it arises. No point dealing with this one based on something that might happen. As I said before - everybody's happy. So can't understand why some people seem to have a problem with that.

Although the teacher will not move your dd, will she notfeel free to move those seated beside her?

Having the biggest pain in the neck mother, is not going to help DD in the long wrong.
I've heard of assertive, you heard of perspective?

No intent with my message.
I have 2 children at school, their seating place is the least of my worries.

DD is in different groups for various activities so they get moved around. They can play with whoever they want at playtime though & her best friend is still in the class she would have been in had she not jumped a yr.

It'll probably take a while to get used to but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. They can still be best friends.

I'm shocked at this. I wouldn't dream of complaining about where a teacher told my children to sit in class: that's their business to run the classroom as they see fit.

And I must admit at primary schools I know even if they chose to agree to your request, you'd be the subject of much gossip and hilarity in the staffroom. I really don't think you've done yourself any favours in this matter.

I can't believe this op!

It makes me want to laugh

.. and then it makes me mad.

Err, teachers are trained in classroom management. It is their job.

Good post roisin. Here here!

Hear Hear Roisin. This is the most self absorbed nonsense I've heard on MN's......all day!

Really?? 'I insist on having it sorted the way I want' who are you in RL Condolezza Rice??

I'm sure most of us regard ourselves as intelligent assertive women, but some of us also have enough social sense to know when it's appropriate to use that assertiveness and when not. and here...not.

Roisin's right bettcha bottom dollar you're the talk of the staffroom.

Surely it is up to the teacher where she sits her pupils in her class? She has xx number of pupils to manage, not just one. What if all the parents complained in the same way? Poor teacher wouldn't have a chance.

I am not sure if this is the right message to have sent out to your child TBH. But I guess if you are not a fan of authority (think I read that in one of your posts, yes?) then this will be of little consequence.

I am a little shocked by your tone today sandy.

OK you have had it your way and DD is now back with her friend. Apart from the fact that you are now labeled 'difficult' in the staffroom as roisin said. What has this taught your dd about respect for her teacher? You certainly don't seem to have any respect for her professionalism?

So basically you are going to go storming in demanding preferential treatment for you child every time there is something you don't agree with?