Violent child in DDs class

[Nativity3]

My dd is in a class with some very challenging children. There is a small group of them that seem to struggle to follow the rules and I feel sorry for the teacher most days as she's lovely but I think even she is finding them hard work. I have seen them at parties and they are even worse when high on sugar!
There is one however who has become very angry and voilent. He is screaming at other children and physically hurting them. My dd is quite quiet and is very scared of him.
I volunteer in the class and the teacher has an evacuation plan in place so if he becomes aggressive she can remove the rest of the class safely. I am not concerned for dd's physical safety but emotionally I don't know how to reassure her as this child is threatening children and becoming angry on a daily basis.

you can see why though. If anyone posts about their child having issues on here, loads of people tell them they will grow out of it, and they don't need a "label". Plus the fact its hard to accept your child has a neurological disability.

this thread proves that mn campaigns don't work,

pepperpot - thank you for sharing your story. Its inspiring.

proudmummy my son is also one of those little shits that you are so sure you know how to deal with.

He had no behavioural problems before he started kindergarten. A lot happened in kindergarten which I won't go into, but one key thing was that he was bullied, the teacher wouldn't acknowledge it and when he started to develop behavioral problems she complained to us (but only when it got really bad, before we thought everything was fine - his behaviour was fine at home except that he was clearly very stressed and nervous) we had no one to turn to, kindergarten teacher buried her head in the sand and through our feelings of helpless came a lot of anger and frustration which had an impact on him and the whole family. We managed to get him into a small class in another school where they immediately showed concern and reacted to get help. He was disruptive in class, aggressive towards other children when they came too close, had issues with anger, other children were frightened of him, he had very strong nervous tics and wouldn't make eye contact, he was very insecure, hated his life and several times said he wanted to die. We were referred to a psychologist who turned out to be an angel. He has no ads/adhs or aspergers (as the school thought) and has been given a very vague diagnosis of Non-specific social and emotional disorder. He has a classroom assistance to help him through his difficult moments (who we understand he doesn't need anymore). He trusts his teacher enough to be able to tell her when he has problems and has no problem making eye contact. He rarely shows any aggressive behavior. His confidence is shaky but we are working on it.

He hasn't been punished for his behaviour, he has been shown empathy and give support, he has been strongly disciplined and fairly treated.

Are we bad parents - yes because we didn't stop the situation from developing -
No, we have 2 other children without problems.
Did he enjoy breaking the rules? - no, he was absolutely miserable but his behaviour was a reaction to his situation, it was a cry for help.

This is a story of my beloved angel boy - the little shit - who I am confident, because his teacher thought he needed extra support has got through a difficult time and it will mean that he grows into being a wonderful person like Pepperpots son has.

There is a story behind every child. They don't start out as little shits. Some are lucky enough to have family and parents that support them, some have family that are the problem. I don't think there any children that don't want to do the right thing.

Sorry, I'm aware my earlier post painted all teachers as ignorant, when obviously they're not. Apologies if I offended anyone.

So, the course I went to.
The leader gave the impression of being very inexperienced, she obviously had some knowledge of ASD and other communication difficulties, but had a very limited, stereotypical view, and came across as very smug and know-it-all.
The whole course was very, very basic and didn't appear to teach anything useful to the teachers there.
Yet they all came out with a certificate to add to their portfolios stating that they were proficient in understanding and helping children with communication difficulties and could manage tricky situations should they arise. I came out shocked that teachers are fobbed off with this dross, when the time could be far better spent actually talking to the parents, believing what they say, and putting small things into place that would help.
It's no wonder that some children can't behave in a school setting, because for a start, the courses that are put on for the teachers are useless, you could honestly learn far more by browsing the MNSN section for half an hour.
Ds's old teacher was attacked several times by dc with autism. The blame was always put on the child and/or the parents, despite the fact that the parents were desperately trying to help the teachers to understand how their child presented, not every child with ASD, but that individual child, with individual needs. But no-one listened.
These were children quite capable of being in mainstream school, however, being forced to sit still and give eye contact to the teacher to show they were listening smartly, being told off and punished when they were getting overwhelmed, being allowed to opt out of things too stressful, but having that replaced with something else more stressful to the child, being constantly pushed and goaded by a teacher who didn't believe in middle class behavioural issues, having time out that meant sitting silently, no stimulation at all (this might work for some dc, but in ds's case, although he saved it all for home, he needs to be distracted, fiddle, look at a book, do something physical - sitting silently will escalate his mood and guarantee a meltdown by the time he gets home), all these added to the child's distress day in day out, even though the parents tried to help the teacher (don't make him look at you, it's too overwhelming for him, things like that) and resulted in the child having a meltdown.
No children were ever at risk at ds's school, because the anger and frustration were directed at the teachers and TAs, that didn't stop the playground buzzing with gossip about those children though.

OP, I'm sorry your dd is scared, but it sounds like the boy needs far more support and more understanding from the teachers, who could learn how to avoid the violence.

Morning all,

Thanks for your reports about this thread.

We've now deleted several posts which we felt broke our Talk Guidelines - but please do continue to report any others that crop up. We'll be taking further action with posters as necessary.

Here, for anyone that needs reminding, is a link to our This Is My Child campaign and here are the myths we will continue to challenge.

We have had this problem with ds1 although ironically he is in a specialist school because he has pretty epic meltdowns himself on occasion.

We and school have assured him he is safe and gone into detail to explain how the school ensures he is safe be it adult supervision of himself and the child having the meltdown, what to do if he is worried about a child, where the child having the meltdown will be. It has really helped but I think it needs to come from both school and home.

For those questioning evacuation of others from the classroom in the case of ds1 this is by far the quickest and safest option for him and others. When he is in meltdown he has extremely limited ability to process verbal information - he would not understand instructions to leave the classroom. He is very touch sensitive when stressed and being physically guided out of the classroom would have resulted in violence probably to the teacher but basically anybody in reach at that moment in time.

There does tend to be an assumption that all children must be in mainstream schools. This is clearly not suitable for all children and I am glad, OneInEight that your DS has suitable provision.

There are ranges of behaviour in classrooms - of course. The great difficulty is what to do if extreme behaviour is likely to harm other children. Not all treachers can be experts in extreme behaviour because they do not actually see it that often. When they do, they are often overwhelmed with thoughts of what might happen if they do not act appropriately. This is why LAs should have specialist teachers offering training to class teachers where necessary and behaviour therapy units should exist. They give breathing space to the school, the child and the parents. We never had one of our behaviour therapy children excluded.

I forgot to say that special schools do not shut pupils away. The teaching ratio in our EBD schools was 1:6. Very different to a mainstream school. The teachers were trained, very highly, in teaching EBD children. They also did outreach work. There was lots of classroom support. The children's statements were reviewed every year and if everyone agreed, children did go back into mainstream schools. Listening to some people, it is like specialist schools are akin to prison. That is just not true and some parents very much welcome their input, if they can get it!

When I went to bed I had received one reply. I couldn't believe it when I came back to it this evening and there was 113 posts on this thread!

Thanks for all your replies. In terms of dd being at physical risk, yes she is potentially at risk as the child in question is hurting others on a Daily basis but she doesn't sit on his table so isn't in his immediate reach and as I said they have an evacuation procedure so if he starts to kick off they can get them all out quickly.
I am not really sure what to say to her to calm her fears but if anyone does have anything tried and tested please do share!

This could be my childs class back in the autumn. I talked to the teacher about safety of the other children. She was very reassuring and the difficult childs behaviour has improved so much with the dedication of the staff.

"Since you say you aren't why is reassuring her a problem?"

I think most parents will have experienced situations where simply telling their children that they don't need to worry about something is insufficient to allay their fears....Asking for any further helpful suggestions seems perfectly reasonable to me.