Violent child in DDs class

[Nativity3]

My dd is in a class with some very challenging children. There is a small group of them that seem to struggle to follow the rules and I feel sorry for the teacher most days as she's lovely but I think even she is finding them hard work. I have seen them at parties and they are even worse when high on sugar!
There is one however who has become very angry and voilent. He is screaming at other children and physically hurting them. My dd is quite quiet and is very scared of him.
I volunteer in the class and the teacher has an evacuation plan in place so if he becomes aggressive she can remove the rest of the class safely. I am not concerned for dd's physical safety but emotionally I don't know how to reassure her as this child is threatening children and becoming angry on a daily basis.

I was on the receiving end of this when I was 7. There was a boys in my class who regularly hit, kicked and punched me.

Can I just say that "explaining" to your DD what is going on is not the way to go. It was explained to me that X was hitting and kicking and punching because he was very sad because his mummy has gone away. As a grownup I can perceive from that memory a very hurt confused little boy who had no idea how to process overwhelming emotions and lashing out at everyone around him. As a 7 year old I just wasn't equipped to understand that. I thought I was being told that if you are sad enough, it's ok to hurt other people.

Don't try to explain it that way. The priority is ensuring she is protected, and he is prevented from hurting her. The school has a duty of care to all the children there. It sounds like they are taking seriously the protection of the children around this boy.

Having myself decided not to send my son to our local school and instead drive him 5 miles to the next school because of a boy with aggressive tendencies which were nearly always directed at my son (both in nursery at time), I do feel for you op, there is only so much you can do to assure your child, but when they keep coming home frightened or saying they have been hit/pushed over it's hard. Special schools are also not always the answer either, this child should have a dedicated ta with him, but then that will be down to resources as unless he is statemented the school would have to fund the ta rather than the local authority, and this may be something that they really can't afford....(statementing takes a long time) is it worth arranging a meeting with the teacher and the head to discuss your concerns about your daughters welfare?

No. The priority is meeting the needs of the boy so his behaviour is no longer an issue thus benefiting him and the other children.

Not protecting others from him like he is a wild lion.

Good grief. Sorry those of you with kids in mainstream have to read this

I x posted and my comment was directed at fish.

But still. .I'm sure it's damn hard being that boys parents as well.

It is important to remember ADHD does not mean a child is violent. A child with ADHD can have violent outbursts - like any child could but it's because of an overwhelming set of emotions they don't understand.

Also, who actually thinks the child in the classroom who is violent, hurting their peers and is likely socially isolated does this because they enjoy it? There's imagine to the behaviour and they need guidance on how to behave appropriately. It doesn't help that children don't play with children with SN because they are scared of them and how they may ready leading to more social isolation and the vicious circle begins.

With my DS, who is not violent but has been known to react badly and hurt children, the other children at my request had it explained to them. DS struggles to understand them, what they mean, their body language and facial expressions and has limited understanding of his own emotions.
Alongside this it was made clear to them that it woukdnt be tolerated that they wind him up - touching him when they know it affects him etc - and any behaviour witnessed would be dealt with as seriously as they were helping my DS.

The HT wasn't keen on the idea of this chat with classmates until I presented him with massive of evidence proving my DS had never approached a child and hurt them - every incident was as the result of low level pisstaking, grabbing him when he's walking away from a situation etc.

you cannot compare it to a blind child.

Telling the girl her fear is unfounded is unreasonable.

It is not about overcoming prejudices, it is about worrying about getting hurt, which she might.

DS2 got regularly strangled or kicked by a friend with a condition.

It did not make it ok.

I still had to reassure DS that it was NEVER ok to hurt someone, even if a child has SN and to tell a teacher. I resent the notion that children just have to put up with being scared and getting hurt.

OP, it helps to write into the school, it helps the parents of the boy too. The teacher at the time was pleased I wrote in as there has to be sufficient 'evidence" that things are not working out before the HT or LEA even consider any kind of intervention.

By the way, the LEA is not at all worried about violence or getting hurt, but they do care if you say it affects your child's learning.

You cannot compare it to a blind child
Cos they just sit there nice and quietly don't they.

I don't know any blind children, but I do know various SN and NT children who do indeed sit nicely and quietly.

The difference is, a violent child (whether blind or not) is a fair enough reason to be scared. After all, you can get hurt (and in DS experience may get hurt daily).

I don't think kids should have to put up with being scared and getting hurt by anyone, whatever their SN/NT status.

Having SN does not make it ok to hurt people. IMO. Yes, it is good (necessary) to explain to the rest of the class how not to trigger this behaviour, how to treat someone who cannot bear being touched, who finds change difficult, who cannot read facial expressions. But you cannot say: "Your kid got strangled today? Well, tough luck, the other kid has SN so just put up with it."

No. You can say "oi school please manage this child's needs effectively" and leave the child blaming put of it though baby.

Tizwailor

DD2 was badly bitten by a child like this. The teacher told us that she was unable to teach the class as she spent the entire lesson trying to control the child (small country primary school, no TA), stop him attacking other children, or trying to get some support for him. The parents were firmly of the view that he was "spirited" and had no SEN. The teacher told us that she had tried to involve the SENCO but the parents would have none of it. (I am quite sure that she should not have told us any of this, but this was a woman who was at the end of her tether, dealing with this child.) The child was permanently excluded after he bit DD2, as the teacher said, she could no longer keep the children safe (he bit her, entirely unprovoked, when she was hanging her coat up, and was hanging off her shoulder by his teeth). Had his parents acknowledged that there was a problem with his behaviour, the school might have been able to find some extra support, and it need not have got to this stage.

That was one set of parents. Who had some issues dealing with the diagnosis process. So your point is, Mrs S?

Last year I had the dubious pleasure of being invited on to a teacher training course aimed to give a greater understanding of managing children with social and communication difficulties.

Little old uneducated me, had to drag myself down from hillbilly country, probably covered in mud and straw, to spend 80 minutes with 30 well dressed, well educated teachers from the local schools.
And I was gobsmacked at the ignorance displayed, the lack of understanding of children in general, and I was supposed to be there to learn from the "experts" how to take care of my son.
Have to do the school run now, but will be back later to finish this off!

Agree with zzzz

OP doesn't seem to be getting many replies on how to deal with her daughters fears

Polter, obviously I don't now all the ins and outs, but my understanding of the situation is how Hermia has described it - the parents refused for the child to have any kind of report from the ed psych, or indeed anyone else. I heard from friends that the child moved to another small local primary, and was excluded permanently from there, as they couldn't cope, then went to a larger primary in the next town. He didn't last there either, and finally moved to a special school several years down the line (presumably his parents agreed to some sort of assessment for him at some point). It can't have been much fun for him, either, moving from school to school, being excluded and having no friends.

also, i wouldnt actually believe too much of what you "hear" about parents. And if the school told you about them refusing assessment well, they shouldnt have.

Proud mummy you should be ashamed of yourself talking about an innocent child in that way! Little shit? Maybe the child has a poor background, bad parenting, or behavioural issues that are not being addressed properly! Vile!