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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Child being " picked on " by a teacher - should I tell parent?

94 replies

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 20:40

Firstly I would like to say that I am generally very supportive of the teachers at my children's school, it's not a HB I would want to or be capable of doing and I know that even the nicest of kids can be a little sod at times.
However, DD has mentioned something today that has concerned me a bit. She is in year 5 and is quite quiet and well behaved and has been universally loved by all her teachers so far. Her class got a new teacher after Xmas and she has mentioned a few things about him that concern me slightly but I know that 10 year olds can be a bit dramatic and the old teacher who left was very much loved so I figured there could be teething issues. I felt thatthe teacher had written something unnecessarily harsh on DD's homework and I mentioned it at parents evening. To be fair the teacher said he agreed with me and apologised to me and also later to DD.
DD seems to get on with him ok, although she says he gets cross a lot (not with her) and can be a bit shouty and grumpy, especially with some of the boys.
Over the last few weeks DD has regularly come home and said that Mr x hs shouted at Y for no reason or that he called Y stupid and rude for offering to help tidy up and she has listed a couple of other things that have happened to Y. Today she said " mum, I really don't think that Mr X likes Y" I asked why she thought that and she said that he constantly picks on him and he gets into trouble for doing things everyone else is as well. She isn't particularly friends with Y so I don't think she feels protective of him or anything . Dd says he also doesn't much like A or B either ( boys) bit it's Y who gets in trouble most of the time. I suggested that perhaps they weren't behaving very well and she said that isn't the case.
I used to do some volunteer teaching of a particular skill I have at the school And know most of the children quite well. Y is certainly not one of the more boisterous boys and from what I have seen he is a nice kid who is pretty eager to please. I also know his parents reasonably well and like them too.
The question is should I say anything to his parents? I see his Dad regularly at an out of school activity nd he shares a hobby with my DH and is due to call round next week. Maybe I should just keep out of it but I would hate to think that Y is being picked on by a teacher - I guess if he was he would have mentioned it to his parents?
Sorry, bit of an epic post

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MrsJimmyFallon · 02/03/2015 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pieceofpurplesky · 02/03/2015 20:45

No. It's none of your business. The boy could very easily be playing up for a new teacher and the other kids will back him up not the teacher.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 20:52

A teacher calling a 9 year old stupid? A teacher said the same constantly to my cousin, who never spoke at school for 18 months.

Fuck that. Tell the Dad, with the NB it may all be mahoosive exaggeration, he will know his child, he will unearth his child's impression of the teacher.

Original poster

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 20:52

See, that's why I'm not sure if I should. It's entirely possible that you are right and he is playing up. I'm not naive enough to think it's not possibility.
I don't understand why DD would mention it to me though, unless she is exaggerating? She usually doesn't but she is a 10 year old girl and they can be a bit dramatic. I have asked if she likes MrX to see if she has an axe to grind but she says she does.

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Bellejessleo · 02/03/2015 20:54

I think if you're friendly with the parents, you could mention your dd's concerns, perhaps the little boy will have already told his parents if it is an issue. If it was my child being singled out I would appreciate being told about it.

Original poster

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 20:55

What DD specifically said was that Y went up to the teacher and said " shall I help tidy up?" And the reply was " why would I want help from a rude and stupid boy like you?"
IF that's true ( and DD is pretty honest) then I think that's unacceptable.
I could ask the Dad what Y thinks of Mr X as his new teacher and go from there.

OP posts:

HattyMonkey · 02/03/2015 20:59

I would maybe mention in passing that dd says the new teacher can be a bit grumpy and shouts a lot compared to the old teacher and ask if his ds has had much to say about him? Take it from there.

HattyMonkey · 02/03/2015 21:00

Sorry cross post.

mynameissecret · 02/03/2015 21:00

I think I'd have to say something like maybe 'how is y getting on at school? DD is worried about him as she feels teacher gives him a tough time'

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 21:01

If you know this Dad, and he's a reasonable, measured person, who's likely to give his Son the Spanish Inquisition to get the truth, and not just go steaming up to the school/teacher;I would tell him.

My cousins confidence was hugely affected by the bully of a teacher he had. A good teacher would never call a child stupid, the behaviour, not the child- see the father will have to sort these nuances out. The child will know if the teacher has taken against him.Children always know.Like dogs .

Littleturkish · 02/03/2015 21:01

Yes, I would talk to the parents. They might be struggling with what to do and having a 'back up' confirm what their DS is saying might help them make the decision.

AndHarry · 02/03/2015 21:06

Yes I would say something. I would want to know if it was my child.

IsItSummerYet · 02/03/2015 21:06

I also agree with saying something to the parents. There are too many examples there for it to be nothing. If he hasn't told his parents anything your comments could help initiate a conversation that this poor kid may need to happen.

proudmama2772 · 02/03/2015 21:10

I think you should mention it to the parents. I'm supportive of teachers as well but ...
there can be scenarios where a teacher makes a scapegoat 'Cinderella-like' - just like parents can.

Luna9 · 02/03/2015 21:14

When I was in year 2 a teacher used to pick up on me; I mentioned it to my mum and she spoke to the head teacher; I was very good and normally top of the class. I will listen to your child and try to get more information from other parents; if you find this is true, I will mentioned it to the boy's dad. It is your business to make sure kids at your daughter chool are treated with respect and fairness. Not all teachers are suitable to teach

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 21:15

YY to what IsitSummer said. Children have interior, secret lives we, even as their patents know nothing about. Teachers are in a position of trust, the vast,vast majority deserve a crown for the love,attention and interest they show our children.But teachers are human too.If this child is bring singled out in a horrid way, he needs and advocate, his parents need to know, he's just a child.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 21:16

*excuse typos

Pannacotta · 02/03/2015 21:22

yes do talk to the parents.
I don't think it is acceptable for teachers to call children stupid, its an abuse of power really.
And it does happen that kids get picked on/singled out by teachers, it happened to me at primary school and really dented my confidence.

HattyMonkey · 02/03/2015 21:25

I had an English teacher at secondary that belittled and humiliated me regularly. I never knew why, it was my best subject I was in the top set and he marked my work fairly but I will never forget him saying 'Ah Hatty some would say you are not even a pretty face" when I answered a question incorrectly. That was nearly 30 years ago, it still hurts. No harm in initiating a conversation.

Original poster

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 21:34

Thanks to everyone who has posted - some of these stories are awful.
Hopefully it's rare that a teacher singles out a child like this, although it shouldn't ever happen at all.

OP posts:

80schild · 02/03/2015 21:34

I would say something to the parents. The conversation would start "what do you think of the new teacher?"

You might be able to gauge from what they say whether they are aware of it or not and if they aren't then it is entirely reasonable to tell them what you're DD said with the caveat "obviously, I don't know how true it is."

If no-one tells them then they can't do anything about it and ultimately, it is the parent's responsibility to stand up for their child - if they don't know what is going on how will they be able to do anything about it.

dyslexicdespot · 02/03/2015 21:37

Tell the headteacher. As far as you know, a child is being bullied. The fact that the suspected bully is an adult in a position of power makes it worse.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 21:41

Hatty

When I was at Secondary school, a lovely girl joined our school, her family had fled Uganda due to unrest. She spent her entire time apologising to one particular teacher.

It got to the point, where if she met him in the corridor she'd say " Sorry Mr Daniels" before he even started.

Forward 25 years later - a friend emailed me and told me to check the hacked BNP members list. Yes you utter bastard Mr Daniels you were on it, I hope you had a rotton, pain wracked old age.

As for the girl, she did well and went into law and was called to the bar.Maybe what didn't break her made her stronger.

I didn't speak up for once.Not once. To my eternal shame.

Chillyegg · 02/03/2015 21:41

Say something to the parents.

Sounds like the kids having a tough time.

MillyMollyMama · 02/03/2015 21:43

Speak to the Head, not the parent. The Head can then keep an eye on the classroom during walkabouts. Also, they can check the books to see what the comments are from the teacher. It is the professional job of the Head to do this. If the Head is any good, the quality of the teaching will be monitored anyway. Even if you tell the parent, what will happen to the teacher if the Head does not know there is a potential problem ?

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