Child being " picked on " by a teacher - should I tell parent?

[Hoppinggreen]

Firstly I would like to say that I am generally very supportive of the teachers at my children's school, it's not a HB I would want to or be capable of doing and I know that even the nicest of kids can be a little sod at times.
However, DD has mentioned something today that has concerned me a bit. She is in year 5 and is quite quiet and well behaved and has been universally loved by all her teachers so far. Her class got a new teacher after Xmas and she has mentioned a few things about him that concern me slightly but I know that 10 year olds can be a bit dramatic and the old teacher who left was very much loved so I figured there could be teething issues. I felt thatthe teacher had written something unnecessarily harsh on DD's homework and I mentioned it at parents evening. To be fair the teacher said he agreed with me and apologised to me and also later to DD.
DD seems to get on with him ok, although she says he gets cross a lot (not with her) and can be a bit shouty and grumpy, especially with some of the boys.
Over the last few weeks DD has regularly come home and said that Mr x hs shouted at Y for no reason or that he called Y stupid and rude for offering to help tidy up and she has listed a couple of other things that have happened to Y. Today she said " mum, I really don't think that Mr X likes Y" I asked why she thought that and she said that he constantly picks on him and he gets into trouble for doing things everyone else is as well. She isn't particularly friends with Y so I don't think she feels protective of him or anything . Dd says he also doesn't much like A or B either ( boys) bit it's Y who gets in trouble most of the time. I suggested that perhaps they weren't behaving very well and she said that isn't the case.
I used to do some volunteer teaching of a particular skill I have at the school And know most of the children quite well. Y is certainly not one of the more boisterous boys and from what I have seen he is a nice kid who is pretty eager to please. I also know his parents reasonably well and like them too.
The question is should I say anything to his parents? I see his Dad regularly at an out of school activity nd he shares a hobby with my DH and is due to call round next week. Maybe I should just keep out of it but I would hate to think that Y is being picked on by a teacher - I guess if he was he would have mentioned it to his parents?
Sorry, bit of an epic post

exactly Nicki, in fact I think the automatic 'disbelieve children' was put about by abusers to cover their tracks. And abusers not surprisingly did choose certain jobs that would put them near children.......
I do think that children might embellish or exagerate but not just make up random stuff as some people seem to think. I pity their children.

I wouldn't automatically trust the Head to deal with it, as someone has suggested. At our school one teacher used to shout at the children all the time, and was horribly strict with them. They were only Yr 2 and some of them got very anxious. She also had favourites and strong non-favourites. I saw her shouting at children myself, in front of parents, and even children and teachers in the classrooms next door could hear her shouting. When I mentioned this to the Head she completely denied it, saying that that teacher would never shout at children. It turned out that the teacher had already been up before the governors a couple of times for shouting. But the Head's position was deny at any cost.

I think you are quite right in having a quick word with the boy’s father in the first instance. He can then decide what to do with the information. He may already suspect there is a problem and be grateful to have some collaborative evidence from another source. It might give the parents the required impetus to talk to the teacher/HT if they have not already done so.

A teacher bullied my DS in Y2. I had no idea what was happening at first – the teacher just said that DS had become withdrawn and would no longer speak in the classroom. I had to piece it all together from what DS told me – and that wasn’t much as he started to cry every time the teacher’s name was mentioned. Plus the words of a classmate who had innocently asked me why DS was always in trouble.

I would have very much appreciated being approached by a parent whose DC had mentioned something, however I admit that I probably would not have expected them to go to the HT themselves on the strength of hearsay evidence.

I really do think you should tell the boy's father. He has probably already heard it from his son, but having the back up from another witness might be what he needs to approach the school about it.

I was bullied by a teacher at secondary school. I really do not know why, I was a hard working, polite and well behaved pupil but for some reason he just hated me. My class mates were horrified by the way he spoke to me. One day after getting so angry with me, shouting right in my face (I was in tears) he had to remove himself from the classroom to go and get himself together! Whilst he was out of the room, several of my classmates told me to go right then and find our head of year because they were worried for my safety. I did just that. I don't know what happened behind the scenes but it never happened again.

My son had a terrible shouty teacher he was frightened of in year 4. I didn't do anything because I felt he had to just put up with her teaching style. But now a few years on I've heard some real horror stories about this woman's behaviour. I've got 3 more children to go through that school and I can tell you that none of them will be taught by her. I will homeschool them if necessary.

My dd was recently being bullied by the TA supposedly supporting her. It is hugely difficult particularly because what she was telling me I knew would be dismissed as her perception.
The TA then told barefaced lies to a teacher regarding something I had supposedly raised (it was criticising the teacher,I think to make dd unpopular with the teacher) and made the mistake of documenting how she had raised "my concerns" in dd's communication book.
When I raised this with the SENCo she dismissed the lies saying the TA had dd's best interests at heart. It was only addressed when I complained to the HT requesting a Subject Access Request to discover where the concerns had come from that it was acknowledged that the TA had lied. The TA was moved on and won't be ever supporting dd again.
I feel bad that I couldn't get action for dd over the bullying and had to wait for the TA to slip up.
I think you should speak to the Dad and both of you together go to the HT.

I think that I would let the dad deal with it, but if the HT doubts his son's word for what has been happening, I would feel morally bound to back the boy up.

Should add that the HT initially intended to back the SENCo. It was only when I demanded to have everything in writing and copies of everything that the school held and asked them to forward me the communication in which I had raised these "concerns" (I keep all emails and photocopy the communication book so I knew exactly what they had) that there was a swift about turn.
IME it is very difficult even with evidence to actually get the school to take your concerns seriously.

It’s strange the way we are reluctant to think of a teacher not liking a child. After all, the pupil-teacher relationship is just another relationship between two human beings. But it is worrying that the dislike seems to spill over into bullying behaviour on the part of the teacher more often than we might imagine.

I’m quite disturbed by some of the stories on this thread. I suppose I thought what happened to my DS was unusual!

(By the way, I noticed I put ‘collaborative evidence’ instead of ‘corroborating evidence’ in my earlier post – not sure how that happened - apologies!)

But, anyway, yes, do say something to the parents, OP.

It would be lovely to think that all schools were desperate to put children first in these kinds of circumstances. But as with other organisations, criticism tends to be unwelcome and can be responded to quite aggressively.

Bullying happens in schools just the same as in any other community. My Dd was constantly picked on by the supply teacher until I complained. Some teachers find it hard to hide their feelings. Some teachers really should not be teaching.

I'm totally shocked at the people saying that it is none of your business and that all children tell lies all the time. This is honestly the first time I ever heard that philosophy. In Mexico there is a saying that "drunks and children tell the truth"

I'm also horrified at the number of HTs who are falling down on their job, which should be to look out for the best interests of the children under their care

I would absolutely say something to the parents, no doubt about it. Also, all those saying 'it's none of your business', I hope you're not parents of DCs in my DD's class!! I know that I would always go to a parent if DD came home and told me something like this.

I had a similar situation (albeit about a child being bullied by another child, not a teacher) and my DD was worried about her. I contacted the Mum and told her what DD had told me (stipulating that she could be exaggerating but I thought she would want to know) and her DD admitted what was happening. She contacted the parent of the bully (lived next door) and it was all sorted out.

Say something! To the parents and the Head.

Your daughter has told you because she wants you to help it stop - she can't. I think you should be incredibly proud of her for caring enough to tell you.

If it's not true this will become apparent but if it is true these children can be protected from the harsh cruelty of this teacher.

To those saying it's none of your business?!?!? It's everyone's bloody business.

I am a social worker and would get the sack if I spoke to a child that way. If he is really calling children stupid it is a safeguarding issue re: emotional abuse.

This needs to be investigated and addressed by the head. I would inform him or her and leave the school to relay it to the parents unless they approach you directly with questions.

My son was also bullied by his teacher. When we complained the chair of the Govenors wanted us to sign a gagging clause to stop us tell other what had happened. The school was private and there was no other avenue to raise a complaint. I really feel that there should be some effective external body that deals with serious complaints. It is terrible that these issues are hidden think Rotherham, Oxford and Jimmy Saville. I think we need a mumsnet campaign to change this.

I opened this thinking - my god what if she's talking about my child?

I hope you do something op. What your dd has described is horrible. Poor boy :(

It would be a safeguarding issue if the emotional abuse is persistent. Someone has to judge that and there will be a nominated safeguarding teacher. OP, if you think it is a safeguarding issue then you have no option but to report it to the nominated teacher. Look at your school's safeguarding policy to see who this is. If you fear reprisals for your child, you are in the wrong school! Do what is right if you believe it is safeguarding as others have suggested. Personally I am not sure but someone has to make a judgement and no-one on mumsnet can do that. Only following the school's procedure will help.