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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Child being " picked on " by a teacher - should I tell parent?

94 replies

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 20:40

Firstly I would like to say that I am generally very supportive of the teachers at my children's school, it's not a HB I would want to or be capable of doing and I know that even the nicest of kids can be a little sod at times.
However, DD has mentioned something today that has concerned me a bit. She is in year 5 and is quite quiet and well behaved and has been universally loved by all her teachers so far. Her class got a new teacher after Xmas and she has mentioned a few things about him that concern me slightly but I know that 10 year olds can be a bit dramatic and the old teacher who left was very much loved so I figured there could be teething issues. I felt thatthe teacher had written something unnecessarily harsh on DD's homework and I mentioned it at parents evening. To be fair the teacher said he agreed with me and apologised to me and also later to DD.
DD seems to get on with him ok, although she says he gets cross a lot (not with her) and can be a bit shouty and grumpy, especially with some of the boys.
Over the last few weeks DD has regularly come home and said that Mr x hs shouted at Y for no reason or that he called Y stupid and rude for offering to help tidy up and she has listed a couple of other things that have happened to Y. Today she said " mum, I really don't think that Mr X likes Y" I asked why she thought that and she said that he constantly picks on him and he gets into trouble for doing things everyone else is as well. She isn't particularly friends with Y so I don't think she feels protective of him or anything . Dd says he also doesn't much like A or B either ( boys) bit it's Y who gets in trouble most of the time. I suggested that perhaps they weren't behaving very well and she said that isn't the case.
I used to do some volunteer teaching of a particular skill I have at the school And know most of the children quite well. Y is certainly not one of the more boisterous boys and from what I have seen he is a nice kid who is pretty eager to please. I also know his parents reasonably well and like them too.
The question is should I say anything to his parents? I see his Dad regularly at an out of school activity nd he shares a hobby with my DH and is due to call round next week. Maybe I should just keep out of it but I would hate to think that Y is being picked on by a teacher - I guess if he was he would have mentioned it to his parents?
Sorry, bit of an epic post

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Pannacotta · 02/03/2015 21:47

Actually having mulled this over after I posted and come back to the thread I was going to say talk to the head, am glad that others have suggested it too.
It does sound like bullying and its really important that the head is made aware and asked to deal with it asap.

GertrudeBell · 02/03/2015 21:51

I would absolutely ay something to the parents.

The teacher is an adult who can stand up for himself if the criticism is unfair.

The child needs to be protected and - even if this is all baloney - that outweighs a bit of inconvenience to an adult.

legohurtswhenyoustandonit · 02/03/2015 21:52

I would mention it to the father but with the caveat that your DD has told you this but you don't know if she is exaggerating ...

When I was a similar age there was a girl in my class who was bullied by the teacher. At the time I knew it was wrong but didn't say anything to anyone because I didn't see what could have been done. I wish someone had spoken out about it.

caz999 · 02/03/2015 21:52

You must report it. Give it a good shake up.

Killasandra · 02/03/2015 21:52

Def say something.

I pulled my DS out of school after an incident like this. But I never would have known about it if someone hadn't told me. (Well actually the incident wasn't nearly as bad as this but it was still enough for me to move him).

GertrudeBell · 02/03/2015 21:54

Don't understand the "none of your business" brigade.

Original poster

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 21:54

A friend of mine made bullying allegations about a different teacher in year 2, probably justified but can't be sure and the Head didn't take it well at all!!!
Her priority seems to be the reputation of the school and anything that threatens this doesn't get a good reception.
I have to say though that the experience my 2 children have had at the school so far has been very positive though but then there have been no issues I've needed to address.

OP posts:

Flyus · 02/03/2015 21:54

Someone told me when a very similar thing happened to my son. He was only 7. It enabled me to tackle a situation he was unable to deal with on his own and completely change his schoolday. he is now much much happier. I will always be grateful to that mum

Original poster

Hoppinggreen · 02/03/2015 21:55

I think testing the waters with The Dad will be my first point of call.

OP posts:

DixieNormas · 02/03/2015 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 22:02

Yes, but Hopping this is affecting your dd ( who sounds lovely and a thoroughly good egg).She's knows something is not right. It,s important life lesson - nobody puts up with unkind behaviour. Whatever their position. Pity your Dad hasn,t got Matilda's "gifts" .

If it was me, I want to show my daughter we always speak up.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 22:05

Your Dad? your daughter.

lottieandmias · 02/03/2015 22:09

I can it believe how, on mumsnet so many people seems to feel teachers are beyond reproach.

There are good and bad teachers like any profession. A teacher was dismissed from my dd's school last year because she pulled a child's hair (among other things).

If you feel this teacher is crossing the line of misconduct then the whistle needs to be blown.

lottieandmias · 02/03/2015 22:09

Can't

LastOneDancing · 02/03/2015 22:11

I can't believe some people wouldn't do anything to help Y at least let the DD's story be checked out.

It makes me feel sick.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 22:11

lottie How awful.

lougle · 02/03/2015 22:19

You should tell the head teacher, ask that they log it and follow it up with a written communication (email is fine). This is a safeguarding issue.

weaselwords · 02/03/2015 22:20

My son was mercilessly bullied by a teacher. Please tell this poor lady's parents

IreneA78 · 02/03/2015 22:20

Ok back to basics.Always was your hands after using the toilet, look both ways before crossing the road and don't believe children telling tall tales!!

weaselwords · 02/03/2015 22:20

Lad, not lady

caravanista13 · 02/03/2015 22:31

I would mention it to the child's parents. My daughter was bullied by a teacher when she was in Y6, but being a very compliant pupil dealt with it by keeping her head down and working even harder. I found out from the parents of another pupil and my daughter then confirmed what had been going on. I then spoke to the Head, who was very supportive. It wasn't appropriate for me to know what steps he took, but the bullying stopped.

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 22:34

Nobody is saying believe with investigating. Surely err on the side of caution. Like authorities did with Seville, Rochdale, Christian Brothers schools in Ireland... Oh no wait..

TheRollingCrone · 02/03/2015 22:39

*Saville

And no I,m not comparing horrific systematic abuse to what may /not be a teacher disliking a particular child. But this child deserves to be heard out.

Caravanoflove · 02/03/2015 22:39

Jesus, of course you should tell the parents. Posters saying no would you not want to know if it was your dc and there was even a tiny shred it was true. This is why a lot of child abuse goes unreported as people don't want to get it wrong. If it's untrue then the teacher has nothing to worry about.

Jux · 02/03/2015 22:40

My primary teacher told me I was stupid every fucking day from Y2 to Y6. It took me years - years and years - to start believing I wasn't. She also told me I was a liar, lazy and eventually that I would be lucky to get a job as a lavatory cleaner.

No teacher should tell a child they are stupid. Not even once. I would report him. It's a seriously bad example for the other children too.

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