Child being " picked on " by a teacher - should I tell parent?

[Hoppinggreen]

Firstly I would like to say that I am generally very supportive of the teachers at my children's school, it's not a HB I would want to or be capable of doing and I know that even the nicest of kids can be a little sod at times.
However, DD has mentioned something today that has concerned me a bit. She is in year 5 and is quite quiet and well behaved and has been universally loved by all her teachers so far. Her class got a new teacher after Xmas and she has mentioned a few things about him that concern me slightly but I know that 10 year olds can be a bit dramatic and the old teacher who left was very much loved so I figured there could be teething issues. I felt thatthe teacher had written something unnecessarily harsh on DD's homework and I mentioned it at parents evening. To be fair the teacher said he agreed with me and apologised to me and also later to DD.
DD seems to get on with him ok, although she says he gets cross a lot (not with her) and can be a bit shouty and grumpy, especially with some of the boys.
Over the last few weeks DD has regularly come home and said that Mr x hs shouted at Y for no reason or that he called Y stupid and rude for offering to help tidy up and she has listed a couple of other things that have happened to Y. Today she said " mum, I really don't think that Mr X likes Y" I asked why she thought that and she said that he constantly picks on him and he gets into trouble for doing things everyone else is as well. She isn't particularly friends with Y so I don't think she feels protective of him or anything . Dd says he also doesn't much like A or B either ( boys) bit it's Y who gets in trouble most of the time. I suggested that perhaps they weren't behaving very well and she said that isn't the case.
I used to do some volunteer teaching of a particular skill I have at the school And know most of the children quite well. Y is certainly not one of the more boisterous boys and from what I have seen he is a nice kid who is pretty eager to please. I also know his parents reasonably well and like them too.
The question is should I say anything to his parents? I see his Dad regularly at an out of school activity nd he shares a hobby with my DH and is due to call round next week. Maybe I should just keep out of it but I would hate to think that Y is being picked on by a teacher - I guess if he was he would have mentioned it to his parents?
Sorry, bit of an epic post

Jux how bloody awful for you.

Irene just astounded that you would say that.

Irene I really hope you're joking

Ah yes children should be seen and not heard!

op listen to your child and speak to the boys father.

Even if the ops dd is being dramatic what's the harm? but if this little boy is being bullied it could effect him for the rest of his school days

Do you know any other parents of children in the class? Could it be worth finding out whether their children have said anything?

"don't believe children telling tall tales!!"
see it is people like you that permitted rampant abuse of children in schools and other places to carry on with no question.

Definitely speak to the dad. There's no reason for your dd to lie and there seems.to be an awful lot of people who think. Kids are all liars and teachers can do no. wrong.

I've have had my fair share of teachers who have turned nasty on me. It happens and the idea this poor kid is being picked on while others offer to polish the bully's halo is awful.

good luck op

Ok, so I've read everyone's comments and I also asked DD some more questions last night in a very low key way and she has told me that the boy has actually said that he doesn't think the teacher likes him very much. There were a few children there when he said it and the general consensus was that no he didn't ( allowing for 10 year old embellishment) so the boy obviously knows something is going on.
DD did say that the boy can be a bit loud but not naughty and that he always does as he is asked and I asked if he is disruptive but she says no. DD is very mature for her age and we have quite grown up discussions about this kind of thing - I ask her what she thinks about things to encourage her to open up to me rather than give my opinion and her opinionis that this isn't right. She says that the teacher punished some boys for things that girls get away with and he doesn't seem to cope well with anything that could be disruptive.
I have decided to speak to the boys Dad when I see him next but in a low key " how is Y getting on with the new teacher" sort of thing. I also have a good friend wht a boy in the same class so I mght ask how he is getting on as well.
I am really shocked by all the stories on here, teaching is a hard job and even the nicest kids can be little sods but you like to think that teachers wouldn't behave like this. I'm sure the majority don't but even for it to happen once is too much
Thanks again.

sounds like a good plan hopping.
My children went to a primary with a very unpleasant culture and this kind of thing went unchecked.

If you did volunteer teaching at the school, why do you not trust the Head to sort it out? Why do you think this boy has not already told his parents what is happening? I don't overly object to you telling his Dad but it is something only the Head can sort out, so it has to go in that direction at some point. It is not a safeguarding issue. It is an unprofessional teacher who needs further training in class management. It may well be he is not suitable to teach, but that is not a parental decision. It is the decision of the Head and the Governors. I guess you want the Dad to go to the Head instead of you.

This has been my son twice and I would not let it go.

His reception teacher really disliked him. I did not know at the time but several years afterwards several parents who volunteered at the school separately made comments to me about her "screaming" at him all of the time. She had left teaching by the time I found out. The effect on my son was profound. He had been labeled the naughty boy in the class and was treated as such by the other kids and became the subject of much bullying.

Eventually I moved him from the school. He was happy at his new junior school. Then he moved to senior school. By the school's own admission he is well behaved, top of all of his subject but a loud child in a quiet class. His NQ teacher found him difficult. I dimissed this until I was checking up on my son's instagram account and found all of his class-mates saying "X really has it in for you", "she really hates you".

This time I was so glad to know at the time it was happening, I contacted the school immediately. I really do get that all teachers cannot like all children and sometime they might not realise how clearly their dislike shines through. I even understand why a teacher would not like ds. However, it is never appropriate to show it and in such cases, they just need a gentle nudge to reign it in. I would not assume that the head already knows about this. She might, but then again...

I wish with all my heart that someone had spoken to me in reception. How different things might have been. We might never have got to the point where ds had to change schools and where he was too afraid to sleep.

Can I just say that if I had actually witnessed anything myself I would have spoken to The head immediately.
My caution is due to the fact that I am getting this info 2nd hand from a 10 year old!!!
Doesn't mean it's not true ( I believe it is) but it's harder to go to The Head with hearsay. DD would also be very upset with me if she was involved in this and might not feel she can open up to me in the future when I really need her to, which is why I have decided on the course of action I have.
Also, if this teacher is reprimanded on the evidence of my DD how do you think she will be treated in class? This needs to be addressed but not in a way that makes my DD the next target.

So you're sacrificing the well-being of a child because you're concerned about your DD? All you'd need to do is to contact the HT and say 'I'm a bit concerned because DD is telling me of several incidents where X is being treated more harshly than other children in the class for the same things. I don't want to cause trouble but I am concerned that DD is worried about X.' The HT can then investigate the situation. It could be that nothing untoward is happening. It could be that the child is actually being disruptive and the teacher needs support to deal with it constructively. Or it could be that the child needs to be protected from this.

How would you feel if your DD was the one being picked on by the teacher, she had been too afraid to say anything, or perhaps even too worn down to think that things should be different? How would you feel if you found out that another adult knew something that could have changed it for your DD?

Child protection is everybody's responsibility. You don't get to duck out of difficult situations because it doesn't feel good.

MillyMollyMama this is a safeguarding issue. The child may be being victimised in the classroom that he is stuck in 6 hrs per day, 5 days per week.

The teacher is a new teacher and may be struggling. I would approach the head and say that this is your dd's perception of what is happening. You appreciate that 10 year olds have their own perspective on things but you thought it was worth bringing to her attention. Any good head is then going to keep an eye on the teacher, not wade in and say "X says you are picking on Y, is that right?"

"It is not a safeguarding issue."
it might be how do you know it is not>?

Hopping I agree with you speaking to parent first, as it gives the parent the opportunity of choosing how to deal with situation in whatever way they feel is best for their son! I would assume they would want to speak to their child about the issue and then take it up with the Head Teacher themselves.

As a child I was bullied by a teacher and also the Head teacher...it ended up with my Mother removing me from the school. Any such remarks that are personally negative that assassinate a child's character such as calling a child 'stupid' is completely unacceptable!! Of course teachers can't like all of their students, however as ADULTS and as TEACHERS they should be able to treat all children fairly and to keep any personal feelings they may have about a child to themselves.

Bullying is not acceptable in any form, its even more distressing that adults and teachers bully children. When we send our children off to school is it with the expectation that it will educate them, enrich their lives and that they will be safe under the supervision of well qualified and caring adults who will expand their minds and their confidence....not bully them!

Very sad that this can happen.

No I'm not sacrificing anything lougle but as I know all the parties involved quite well ( and having taken on board what people on here have said) I am convinced that talking to the parent should be my first port of call and think what you want of me but I will NOT risk my DD's well being over this and believe me her getting hauled into The Heads office to " give evidence" or similar would have a devastating impact on her both emotionally and academically. Would any of you " sacrifice " your own child's well being for somene else's? I very much doubt it.
Luckily I am not in an either/or situation and I can help this boy with no impact on my DD.
Bear in mind I don't HAVE to do anything. I could just tell DD not to worry about it and forget it - that would be totally the wrong thing to do but while I welcome any advice and perspective on this I am the only one who knows the dynamics involved so I am convinced that what I have decided to do is the best for all concerned.

I'm finding some of the responses on this thread very disturbing. As lougle as pointed out child protection is everyones concern.

We know for a fact that the UK has a very serious problem with child protection, victim blaming and sanctioned institutional child abuse. Knowing this, how could any of you even suggest that a child's testimony should automatically be disbelieved?

Hoppinggreen - if you want to contact the headteacher and parent of the boy anonymously - create a new gmail account and email them. Explain what your DD said- without giving her identity away and ask the head to investigate. The head needs to know.

"Knowing this, how could any of you even suggest that a child's testimony should automatically be disbelieved?"
that is how the situation in the UK was allowed to continue, precisely because of these attitudes that many of us have been brainwashed into parroting unthinkingly.

I forgot to add that the headteacher needs to know because if the teacher is actually mistreating the boy, chances are he might mistreat other children in the future.

The boys father will not be able to anticipate or contend with the teachers interactions with other children. The headteacher will.

my dd's replacement teacher last year was like this. he was pulled in to cover sickness.

He was horrific.....really picking on some of the children in his class, so much so that the children were moved!

I asked my dd if she ever got any of this treatment... she said no -he likes me!

then she brought home a trophy - a fucking trophy- for some classwork that a team had done.

I felt distinctly uncomfortable by the additional good attention as i did by the bad!

REPORT REPORT REPORT.

all our kids need looking after

I agree Sunny- this might be something for mumsnet to take on as a campaign. Something is going very wrong with the way in which children are treated in the UK. It needs to stop.

my son had a teacher like this in year 5, a total knut whose favourites were all pretty girls, he would shout in boys' faces. A young adult man I know literally shuddered when I mentioned this teachers name to him.

Yet anyone I tried to discuss it with told me I should teach my son to 'respect teachers' more.

I would say something. A child who is being bullied won't necessarily tell his parents about it, and may struggle on alone.

I would want to know and I would be so grateful to you for telling me. I told a parent when dd told me that a boy is her class was being put on the sad face board and being kept in at break almost every day. This child has ASD and was being punished for behaviours he simply could not help. It wasn't nastiness, purely lack of knowledge on the part of the teacher regarding this child's ASD.

I think some teachers can be very nasty, just as in other professions and I remember my childhood and teenage years being very unhappy knowing I could never approach my parents for help and protection in dealing with their nasty adults as I would never be believed.

I despise this "tall tales from children" idea and agree it's is an idea that flourished just a few decades ago leading to unchecked child abuse. I don't tend to find that children exaggerate either it's just that they're small and the things happening to them are big so that's how they report them. I think it's actually really rather shit parenting to automatically disbelieve your child.

We have a teacher just like this. My DS is similar to your DD and is getting quite 'upset' at the injustice of their apparent anger at children not actually doing anything particularly wrong. MY DS has been on the receiving end of it also but there are specific children that they seem to enjoy being particularly nasty to. I spoke to the head about it at Christmas but nothing seems to have changed.