Letter for being late at school

[MsMarshmallow]

Little one brought a letter home from school today. Apparently she has been late 10 times since the beginning of the school year (Code - L: late arrival before the register has closed) and now they are asking for the reasons.

To be honest, there is no especial reason! Most of the days we just missed the gate for a couple of minutes because [insert reason here]. Maybe one day she was crying because X or I had to stop to tie up my shoe lace or we forgot her book bag and had to go back... who knows! FGS we are talking about being 2-minutes-late! Oh yes, the rest of the days we were on time, phew! ;)

Anyway, what I would like to know is: is this a normal procedure? What will happen if I don't reply to them? And what otherwise, should I make up the reasons for each day (since I don't remember)?

Thanks for reading and for your advice, if you have any.

10 times I would be mortified! I wouldn't be asking what the school can do but looking at what I can do to stop it! She needs to be there on time every day with no excuses. Everyone else manages it. Set off 10 minutes earlier and make sure it doesn't happen again.

I got one of these letters, think DS was late about 4 or 5 times but is also regularly off sick due to another issue so I think it was just routine to let me know about his absence. Even though DS does get ill and there's nothing I can do about that there is something I could do about being late to bring his attendance up a bit. We now leave 20 minutes earlier and sit in the car to do reading. Meaning we don't have to do it on the evenings and we are NEVER late, even if there is traffic - oh and we get a good parking space!

10 times is a lot and if there's no good reason, it means its within your control. Leave earlier, simples. You will also be teaching you children time management and punctuality which is quite vital.

OP I really sympathise as we really struggle to get places on time though we've been better lately.

What helped me was realising just how much it's the norm NOT to be late.

I used to subconsciously think that the average time most people would get to, say a 10 o'clock appointment, would be 10 o'clock, with most people's arrival times within a few minutes either side. So in my mind, a couple of minutes late was part of the normal acceptable range of times to arrive.

Then I realised how it's not that, the average time MOST people arrive is actually BEFORE 10 o'clock. Some might get there at twenty to ten ready for their appointment, some at one minute to ten, but what the vast majority of people have in common is that they get there BEFORE the deadline.

Getting to a 10 o'clock appointment at 10.02 or 10.05 or whatever isn't getting there 'roughly on time', it's a screw-up. Repeated screw-ups to the extent that you get a letter should be pretty mortifying really.

Whoever made the analogy with catching a train had it spot on - that's how you need to think of these things.

Most people treat most appointments like catching trains, where a miss is as good (or bad) as a mile.

Once I realised that's how most people think, I got a lot more self-conscious and embarrassed about being late, and that really helped me to focus on getting places on time no matter what. Realising how other people looked at it was crucial - I honestly didn't appreciate how much I was annoying other people and embarrassing myself by repeatedly being just a little bit late.

semolina - thanks for that helpful post. I'm a just in time person who's often a few mins late. I am trying to work on it but I will keep in mind what you've said here as I think it's a really good way of looking at things :)

It's the op's attitude that is so wrong here. I notice she hasn't been back.

OP said extremely little! I can't infer an "attitude" from any of what she posted.

The attitude is inferred from the fact that she asks "what shall I do about the letter?" rather than "what shall I do about the lateness?" I expect.

Oh, I think the OP's "attitude" is hard to miss:
"2 minutes late. That means we were there at 8:57. I can imagine that is a great disrupt of everyone's day"
"To be honest, there is no especial reason! ... FGS we are talking about being 2-minutes-late!"
" should I make up the reasons for each day"?
No indication that there is anything wrong turning up late ten times or any indication that she plans to do anything to change her tardiness. And no recognition of the fact she is clearly in the wrong and doing her DD a disservice.

I'm going to go against the grain here. If you were genuinely 2 mins after the doors opened

I very much doubt this was the case. The teacher cannot open the door and do the register immediately and instantly. If the doors open at 8.45 and the register has to be done by 8.55, that gives 10 minutes to do the register. OP is arriving at 8.57 not 8.47.

DC1 is in Year 1. He has never been late. Not even close. The gates open at 8.40 and they close at 8.50. We live an 8 minute walk away from school. We leave the house at 8.25. So, 99% of the time we're there about 7 minutes before the gates open (I have another younger DC to) BUT on those days when something does happen to upset the routine, we have plenty of extra time to allow for that. It's common sense and it's teaching your children respect. Just sort it out.

I've got 4 dc the youngest is in year 4. I really don't think any of them have ever been late - not even when I had to drive the eldest to school and sometimes got stuck in traffic. It's all about what importance you place on being there before the bell goes.

DS is in 4th year at secondary school. He has never been late. Not even close. Neither has his sister who is 14.

At primary school we lived a 25 minute walk to school each way and left the house at 8.00 am. Bell rang at 8.40. So we always had time for the unexpected, and if not the children had 15 minutes to play with their friends in the playground.

Excellent, helpful post by Semolina

I agree Semolina's post was helpful, but amazed that people need to be told these things. Does it not become obvious when you are always the last person to arrive, or by some miracle you get there a little early there are people who still have arrived before you?

Some must go around with their eyes closed if this is a revelation to them.

We live a five minute walk from school and we always leave home early to reach the school before the gates open. My DD has never been late.

I am pretty shocked by you brushing off the effect your LO being late has on everone else and I'm not surprised you have had a letter, not that it seems to have had much effect on you. I would be mortified.

Our school suffers with pretty terrible lateness, and it is always the same parents that are late, and saunter in seemingly without a care in the world. They are part of the reason our school is still struggling to recover its reputation. Its must be so frustrating for the teachers as well.
Sadly, my judgey pants are well and truly hoiked with this one. I cannot abide lateness. You need to get more organised the night before and in the morning.

In answer to your questions:

Is it normal for a school to send a letter to a parent regarding the persistant late coming of their child?

Yes

What can they do about it?

Report you.

What can they do if you choose not to answer the letter?

1. Pass the information on to the attendance officers that, when given the opportunity to explain why your child is frequently late for school, you couldn't be bothered to. 2) Fine you. 3)Consolidate the opinion they probably already have that you are a PITA parent who shows little interest in supporting the school's policies or expectations.

Nobody can help being late now and then - a road accident, a car that won't start, a bus that breaks down. But all the reasons you have given for latecoming essentially revolve around the fact you are blase, disorganised and do not prioritise you child's timely arrival at school.

You are inconveniencing office staff, the teacher, the class, the other children, your own child..... the world doesn't revolve around you and neither does the school.

Instead of having a go at the school for having the absolute audacity to expect you, the parent, to bring your child to school at the correct time, pershaps you should be doing a little self-critical reflection on your own attitude and behaviour.

School is not somewhere you are expected to arrive fashionably late for.

Excellent post, adopt

Op, sort yourself out.

At our school doors open 8:50,register is taken at 8:55 lessons start at 9 am prompt. Register closes 9:10. Children arriving after 9am are marked L . The gates are locked at 9:00 so children HAVE to sign in via the office. After 9:10 - that is seriously late!!!!

It is always the same children that roll in late.

I don't think you can add to that,adoptmama. OP just needs to take it in and get up earlier (or organised the night before).

Perfect summing up from adoptmama and semolina.

The only time mine have ever been late was when we had an 8 o'clock dentist appointment (first of the day) and they managed to start the surgery late. When I realised it was going to happen, I called the school to let them know. And booked late afternoon dentist appointments after that.

It is a shame for the child because they get a bad reputation, the other children just say, in a bored tone ' they are always late' and sadly it is always the same ones and generally just one or two children a class.

I've noticed too that they are the same poor children who are sitting outside the office in the afternoon because no one has turned up to pick them up. The children are still away from the parents for the same amount of time, just shifted 15 minutes. It's as if their whole day is in a slightly different time zone to everyone else.

I'm wondering if the OP doesn't actually realise when school starts. She mentions missing the gate by a couple of minutes. So that's not 2 minutes after the bell goes, but 2 minutes after the gate shuts. Obviously I don't know the set up at OP's DC's school but at DC's school this would be at least 5 minutes, and maybe up to 10 minutes after the bell actually going.

I think it's telling that OP mentioned not being there before the gate shut rather than when the bell went - it suggests her aim is only to get there "just in time" which inevitably means that a small delay (doing up a shoelace ??????) pushes her into the "too late" category.

What can you do? How about you cop on and get out of bed earlier?

If two minutes is such a non-issue to you, then it shouldn't be a problem to get there those two minutes early, should it?

Surely you'd rather not get fined, and not have the school irritated with you, and not have your DCs labelled as the ones who are never on time?

I have two DCs to get to school and nursery on two different sites, and DP works away most of the week, so I'm single-handed. We live rurally so have to drive, and the traffic is dire.

DS1 has been ten minutes late for school on one single occasion and that was when a large part of my car fell off on the way, and there's no public transport.