Letter for being late at school

[MsMarshmallow]

Little one brought a letter home from school today. Apparently she has been late 10 times since the beginning of the school year (Code - L: late arrival before the register has closed) and now they are asking for the reasons.

To be honest, there is no especial reason! Most of the days we just missed the gate for a couple of minutes because [insert reason here]. Maybe one day she was crying because X or I had to stop to tie up my shoe lace or we forgot her book bag and had to go back... who knows! FGS we are talking about being 2-minutes-late! Oh yes, the rest of the days we were on time, phew! ;)

Anyway, what I would like to know is: is this a normal procedure? What will happen if I don't reply to them? And what otherwise, should I make up the reasons for each day (since I don't remember)?

Thanks for reading and for your advice, if you have any.

I think you have to think of them going into the classroom as a train. Say school starts at 8.55, then the train leaves at 8.55. If you're catching a train, when do you get to the station? Five minutes early, ten minutes early? Or do you say 'oh only two minutes late for the train and it's left, never mind'? That's what 8.55 is (or whatever it is at your school) - it's the very latest time you should ever arrive, not the time you aim for.

My kids' school gave out some certificates for those that were on time and in every day over the year. In every single class it was the two or three highest achieving kids. The correlation was surprisingly accurate. I knew there would be a correlation but it was spooky just how it was the kids on the top table who were most present.

With respect your attitude is very casual and this will impart to your dd. It won't be long before she picks up on the irritation of others for your poor timekeeping. Set the clock 5 minutes earlier, leave promptly and you can get there on time. If she is supposed to be registered by 8:55 doors will open at least 5 minutes earlier. It might even be better for her socially to be waiting outside with the others before school, now the days are lighter and warmer. Your and your dd's schooldays will be so much easier if you work with the school and pick your battles.

"The correlation was surprisingly accurate. I knew there would be a correlation but it was spooky just how it was the kids on the top table who were most present."

Perhaps it's because these families are the ones who value education most.

I could kiss the ground because my children have access to such fantastic free education. many children in the world are not so lucky (especially girls).

I support and respect the system that allows my children this fantastic opportunity and wouldn't dream of rolling up after bell time showing such disregard.

Yes deepinthewoods, it is the families who most value education who get their children into school promptly. It goes with reading, talking and all that. And what was interesting was that it cut right across ethnic and economic groups.

Thing is OP, lateness is a v useful indicator of negligent parenting. I'm sure it's not in your case, but parents who have substance abuse issues find it difficult to get up in the morning, ditto those that don't give a shit.

Do you really want to be bracketed with them?

I don't even have mine at the same schools and I still make it a priority.

I have DD1 at special school - her transport comes at 08.20.

I have DD3 at primary school - her doors open at 08.50.

I have DD2 at home.

We still get there on time.

Sorry you've had such a hard time, OP. :( YANBU.

Why is she not being unreasonable? Late ten times? That sounds extreme to me.

There's a gal at our school who gets her brood (many DC) late to school every day, always 2-3 minutes late, and has done for YEARS. I would call that (possibly) extreme. Please hoik judgey pants about this mother as comfortably as you like them; then be advised that the chronic lateness only started after one of her children died.

What OP describes is undesirable, but not extreme. How damaging it is to anybody is up for debate (a debate I'm not up for). But I'm happy to stick my head above parapet & tell OP she's not BU.

If the OP had come on here saying "I've had a letter saying we have been late 10 times, I hadn't realised but I need to get myself better organised in the morning, anyone got any advice?" then the responses would have been a lot more positive. Instead it's "what will happen if I don't acknowledge the form" with no apparent thought to changing the behaviour that has prompted the form. So people have spelled out the potential consequences as the OP clearly hasn't realised them for herself.

hotcrosshunny

I could have written your post, it was mostly my brother making me late but I was also late arriving for my first day at secondary.

OP
Schools do genuinely try to help parents who have real problems getting their child to school, one of my friends relies on her daughter to help her get out of bed due to disability (mum's not child's) so if dd wakes up late there is not a lot she can do.

Someone else I know has a teenager at a special school, she cannot leave until he is on the bus.

These are genuine reasons, and both these people still try not to be late.

If this was the work place your dd may be fined by her employer. Being late is also incredibly rude and disrespectful to the school, staff and other children.

10 sessions is two weeks, your dd has disrupted the class for the equivalent of every day for 2 weeks and you don't think that's a problem?

In a way though holiday it's the 'only 2 minutes' lateness that makes it harder to understand, if its 'only 2 minutes' every day, like a family I used to know, why not just make it on time?!

I don't think the children like being late

But Holiday - the OP says she doesn't even know why they are late as it's so minor - tantrum or shoelace - nor has she asked for help getting to school in time but only wants to know what will happen if she ignores the issue. She clearly doesn't really care or see it as an issue.

This is completely different to being late due to bereavement or illness or other particular circumstances, or somebody acknowledging they've been crap and asking for help as they know lateness is wrong.

There is no point patting her on the head and saying 'never mind' when she is actually just being crap for no reason. I'm sure she stopped reading anyway as she probably wasn't expecting people to respond like all but you have.

My mother always made me late for school and other things - seriously weird, at the point we should really have been leaving, she would get the Hoover out and start Hoovering! I used to get into so much trouble at school for being regularly late.

And, following her example, I was always late for things myself when I was old enough to start taking responsibility for it. It took me until my mid-20s before I realised how utterly irritating it was for all my friends that I would always turn up late.

Now I hate being late for things, but have to really fight off the bad habits my mother put into me with her blase attitude about lateness and force myself to leave a little extra time in case things don't go perfectly to plan. But I still struggle with lateness - I set off a little late to school with my youngest the other day and ended up jogging there with him on his scooter going as fast as he could - we got there just in time.

OP's bad habits now; her children's bad habits in the future.

Holiday - the OP has said there's no special reason. Quite different to your example, where I am sure the school are well aware of the family's circumstances.

I'm going to go against the grain here. If you were genuinely 2 mins after the doors opened and the register was still open then I think the letter you've had is OTT. My DD got no late marks last year but I'm sure we occasionally arrived a min or 2 after doors opened. She'll have one late mark this year as one day we went by car and got totally stuck in traffic. Sometimes these things are unavoidable and the school are making work for themselves by not giving any leeway on arrival times.

"But I'm happy to stick my head above parapet & tell OP she's not BU"

well the school would obviously disagree - hence the letter!

anyway, this isn't posted in aibu, and the op has asked for advice, so here's mine - deal with the letter, don't ignore it - and leave earlier - simple - problem solved.

I agree with everyone else.
The school isn't asking you for a reason for each specific time, it's highlighting to you that you have been late 10 times already this year !!!

I was frequently late for school. But imo it was an unusual case. My Dsis was in a different school so driving round for DM was drive to DSis school about 20-30min then to mine about same
time then to her work all raking about an hour. Depends on traffic. It was a private school and also i was only late for assembly.
I was told off by teacher who really annoyed me .. At the least there was nothing i could do that day my DSis was being difficult getting organised, as she didnt need to worry she was dropped off first. Looking back im amazed my DM managed this for years.
2 mins is easily fixable with organisation.
Though it sort of surprises me (my DD is only 2) that the window of arrival seems very narrow

The school are right to point out your persistent lateness because it seems that you haven't been bothered enough about it to put a stop to it.
You need to tell yourself that you need to leave the house 10 mins earlier every day.....problem solved.
Teaching children the importance of punctuality is important as it sets good habits for when they are older.

All new parents at my DC school are told although school starts at 8.50am (yr1 to yr6) reception starts at 8.55am children are expected to be in the playground 5mins before so they can be ready to go in on time.

And as for 'it's only 2mins' but probably more like 5 / 10 mins once they walked to their class and taken off all their coats/bags. It still impacts on your child going into the class once everyone else is settled and learning has started.

Our school has a ten minute window when the doors are open, the children are expected to be in, coats, bags etc delat with and sitting down at the end of the 10 mins, so even if your DC arrives at 9.5 minutes, while they may not technically be late they will be later than the majority who are in the door in the first 5 mins and the later child will still taking coats off while everyone else is sat down. Most people aim to be outside the doors when they open, the children like to have a little play while they wait.

We've been late about twice since September and we have to travel on public transport or bike....we're not in walking distance.

To be frank it angers me that you dont seem to see this a s problem. walking in late or half way thro the register or first lesson has a major impact on the other children in the class. They need to settle down again which takes time and can take a good 10 minutes away from their learning. You need to act on this, if a continued lateness was affecting my child I would be pretty angry about it and would expect answers and expect it to stop. The school was right to send out the letter.

The other thing is that the other children can't understand why they can't be late too, my DD used to have a regular late arriver in her class with no apparent sanction and it undermined my efforts to get her to understand that punctuality matters.