Complaint to school

[gwenig2]

Yesterday my 10 year old was grab on the wrist in a attempt to force her from the floor to go to the headmistress office. This was a male teacher in her school. I did post on Facebook I was upset by this but did not name the school. The new headmistress TOLD me I had to remove this or she souls report to police for slander. I have removed post, but feel more angry now as they did not apologise or give any justification for the incident, which to me is assault. I have a meeting on Monday arranged after much foot stomping today. Need advice on how to handle as feel little overwhelmed and emotional.

OP Open your eyes, you child has not behaved well, accept this. The teacher intervened in a highly disruptive passive aggressive bit of behaviour.

What do you think the teacher should have done? Honestly...if they had let them sit there with no 'order' or teaching taking place do you think this would be a good outcome. If I was a parent of a child in your DD's class I'd want an apology from you for the disruption.

You are very err stupid for posting this on FB as it has undermined any feasible argument you may be able to think of.

You sound completly disillusioned about your own child and their lack of respect and basic behaviour. No teacher likes to use force, I would imagine they found having to do this (which is rare and sometimes is never needed year on year) quite stressful. Just touching a child can raise questions an potentially lead to wrongful accusations. The teacher concerned would not have done this without due consideration.

"rather children who appear to be beyond help and who are likely to end up in prison - who lie, thieve, swear, and who are violent and completely non compliant."

I work with many children like this. None of them are 'beyond help'.

TBF, there are a few schools in my LA who don't call on us for advice/support, etc because they don't have any children with behaviour difficulties. But other schools have more than their fair share

Windymill, this is a governmental policy-making level issue. Governments over the last x years have gone for a policy of integration/care in the community which leaves many very vulnerable children/adolescents unsupported or ineffectively supported.

"Why should my child have to make allowances"
Yeah, that just about sums it up. Nice attitude.
Because our society consists of a broad spectrum of people, and it's good for children to learn tolerance and understanding? How about that?

In my current class I have a child with autism. Prior to him arriving, the class was what you might call a textbook dream of a class - few SENs, no behavioural issues, biddable, keen, interested and so on, although if I'm honest I might have said some were a bit precious and immature for their age. Since this lad arrived, they've been on a sharp learning curve and have witnessed a fair few meltdowns. It's been very good for them - already they have learned when to ignore, when to help, how to include him and help make him feel safe and less anxious at key points in the day. He has fast become one of the crowd and has contributed a huge amount to the group in the short time he's been with us.

Not to the extent they would qualify for a statement or cause disruption BTM. Of course we have children who might act up given the chance but staff are pretty good at avoiding problems before they get out of hand.

near The child should be sent home with work on the temporary exclusion. It gives them a chance to calm down, the victim respite and serves as punishment. Though tbh imo smashing heads against pavements is well in to managed move territory. If it was my child who had had their head smashed I would make it a police matter. I would still support the perpetrator's right to an education, though not in the same building as my child!

I agree schools do not help themselves in their relationships with parents when they obsess over the uniform of 'well behaved' children.

Some awful comments, Windmill. Very hurtful to those of us whose children have been subjected to such nasty ignorant comments by people that just see a naughty child.

My child had a statement of EBSD and suffered greatly at schools who just presumed, like you appear to do, that my child was just being 'naughty' and choosing to behave that way. It took years of total stress and unfair treatment to get a diagnosis and a statement for complex ASD. The difficulties in school were in fact due to sensory difficulties and lack of proper support by staff but no one bothered to consider these issues until things had reached the exclusion stage.

My child was supposed to have full time support to reduce the risk of harm to himself and others however the school failed to supply this at all times. Then, when incidents occurred, my child was blamed as it was obviously easier to do that than for the school to admit their own failings. So it might be worth thinking sometimes, if an incident occurs, that maybe, just maybe, the child is not at fault but it is the others around them to blame. My child was constantly being provoked by the lovely well behaved children calling him names such as gay,paedophile, retard etc. They then loved to see him getting into trouble when he reacted accordingly. He is however very bright and, with the right support, should be able to make as much contribution to society as your children will.

I agree 100% with Clam's last post. In my daughter's class (Year 6) there's a boy with autism. He has enormous difficulties with controlling emotions, particularly anger, and has been known to throw furniture and unintentionally hurt other children. Having him in the class is a challenge for the teacher, and for the school as a whole, and undoubtedly it takes away from the time that would otherwise be spent on the other children.

However, I think my dd has gained a lot from him being there. They're good friends, with a couple of interests that aren't shared by others in the class. He's very bright, and she enjoys working with him. And, perhaps most importantly, she's learnt a huge amount about accepting differences, and relating to people who think differently, and looking beyond the obvious. Personally I think that more than compensates for the downsides.

Oh, justanamechanger believe me I do think it's the people around the child who are to blame and not the child. I just don't think it's right that the education of 90% should suffer because there aren't the right levels of support for 10%. Whether a child has a diagnosis or recognised condition or anything else does not make the fact that another child is harmed, mentally, physically, or educationally because of it. My child self harmed from fear of what was going on. As far as I am concerned the person running that school was entirely responsible for what happened because that person did not have behaviour under control. My child was vulnerable too but was still able to function in an environment without pissing on the parade of anyone else. Indeed my child, for being a sensitive soul, was often the child who was asked to help and supervise vulnerable children and the had the piss taken by a small minority for doing it.

Inclusion - yes it's lovely when your child is getting all he or she needs; not so lovely when your very own child is not getting the education or social enjoyment from school to which they are entitled and when they do not put any other person in a detrimental situation whatsoever.

I am sorry if your child suffered but your child had no right whatsoever to allow any other child to suffer or to suffer a diluted education and those responsible for providing education have no right to ensure that resources are divided up unequally and detrimentally to society as a whole. It is an unpopular view but I am certain that 5%-10% of children in mainstream schools should not be there. Funding is required for their needs and I would be happy to pay more to fund it if it meant the majority could be educated rather than merely taught.

I am very sorry your child has complex ASD but why on earth were your child's needs not sorted out and dealt with at primary. Why on earth don't teachers and other agencies realise and fight for the proper resources for your child?

Yes, lambast me for fighting for the rights of the majority if you will but it is not the majority who stop others from learning; it is not the majority screaming for extra help; it is merely the majority who have a right to a peaceful and good education and how are the majority taught about right and wrong and fairness when they have to exist in a system that is blatantly unfair and appears to reward the non compliant. Just where is that going to get society in 10, 20, 30, 40 years' time. Absolutely nowhere; teachers will leave the profession, standards will deteriorate and head will groan under pressure from complaints from parents like me.

I am sorry if your child is suffering really I am but the present system is not helping your child to access what he or she needs; neither is it providing what the majority of children need and what in turn a first world society needs in the context of educational achievement and a workforce fit not just for the 21st Century but also for the 22nd Century.

"Why on earth don't teachers and other agencies realise and fight for the proper resources for your child?"
Oh come on, do you REALLY think we don't realise and aren't fighting?!

"I would be happy to pay more to fund it if it meant the majority could be educated rather than merely taught."
Well, here's the thing, unfortunately, no one else IS willing to fund it, and if you look back at my last post, you will see that the rest of my class are being educated about wider issues than column method addition in my room at the moment.

Hang on, I may have misinterpreted your last post, windymill.
By 'fighting for resources,' I hope you meant for those children who need more input in order to succeed. I've a horrible feeling you didn't, though.

near Thank you for your kind offer to pay for the education of my sons so they do not tarnish your darling daughter. I am very grateful as I have been asking our LA for appropriate support for the last eighteen months and they keep refusing so your offer is most timely.

yes, that is what I meant clam for the children most in need.

oneineight perhaps some of the highly qualified eduationalists need to start fighting for your children as well. They would have us all believe they know best.

"Why on earth don't teachers and other agencies realise and fight for the proper resources for your child?"

Should I laugh? Or cry? What do you THINK we do all day? (Or rather all lunchtime, and lots of the time after school, and during the holidays?)

I'm sorry, but in my experience, you make excuses.

Why was my child's needs not sorted out at primary? Because they thought it was poor behaviour, not any complex condition. It was easier to blame the parents doe the behaviour and save money quite frankly - this happens a lot. Like oneineight most people have to battle for years to get any crumbs of support.

It is all about funding. In an ideal world all children will have the right education for their needs but I doubt it will happen in my lifetime.

Oh trust me near heads are already groaning under the pressure of complaints from parents! The 'naice' parents who think that their children are 'better' and therefore have more 'rights' than 'those' children are the ones taking up more than their fair share of resources. They are having a detrimental effect on the education of ALL children especially those ones who so desperately need the school to improve their life chances.

If you're happy to pay go private.

I am truly sorry your daughter has ended up self harming and I wish her all the best for the future.

Girls, can we avoid making direct references to one another and just talk in general terms? Will prevent discussion getting personal.

"I'm sorry, but in my experience, you make excuses."

Bollocks.

"Girls?"

"I'm sorry, but in my experience, you make excuses."

I'd send you a copy of my Inbox / To do list / pigeonhole / diary / phone log, but that would break all kinds of confidentiality rules

Well she didnt do that finallydelurking because schools are presently being well run for the benefit of all children. Oh no. But because we are "naice" parents we are supposed to suck it up or go private.

How exactly do you think schools will benefit overall if all the middle class children end up going private. And we have already by the way!

There are lots of good schools and teachers Windmill that will do their absolute best to help children with SEN and disabilities if they can. There are also some that won't and this may be what you have experienced - I've experienced it too.

The educators that have posted here have all been around quite a while - Clam gave me some useful advice a couple of years ago and Tethers and mintyy have also been really helpful to me. I don't think they are making excuses at all but I do think that your experiences have maybe clouded your views about teaching staff in general.

It is an unpopular view but I am certain that 5%-10% of children in mainstream schools should not be there.

Well, aren't you the charmer.

You obviously haven't seen MN's This is my child campaign.

www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/this-is-my-child

I am reporting your posts.