Really don't know what to do... schools, money, distances, despair...

[PrettyBelle]

So, the DD didn't get in either of two private schools at 7+ - have no idea what went wrong, the poor thing has worked hard daily since September, her school report is glowing, but then both schools, which are nearest, also happen to be very competitive.

There are other good schools which are non-selective but all at some distance away. Yet, I also need to drop off DS to school and then commute to London for my full-time job (1 hr one way if I am lucky). So the difficulties are as follows:

1. Un-feasibility of doing two school runs and then get to work remotely on time. Same with pick-ups.
2. Two private schools will eat up my entire salary (but DH also has a job and I get some freelance income too).
3. Not entirely sure about paying £4000 per term for a non-selective school for DD.

On the other hand:

1. Disillusioned with DD's state school (DS went to it before and I see a massive difference not that he is in private).
2. We could manage financially even if my salary will be spent on school fees.
3. Main point: we are a bilingual family and both DC seem to be behind in English so I believe being in small classes would help them with that.

What the hell do I do???

You all are right of course - I do know that only a minority go to private schools.

I guess what really stings is the disappointment that DD wasn't picked for the offer of a place - even though I was sure she would. Her school was very encouraging, I did all the necessary preparation with her. And believe it or not, she was very keen on doing all those Bond papers, etc., she actually asked me if it was OK if she did some more after finishing her compulsory few pages. I was sure she was bright enough and seemed well prepared for that. And those selectives do take some girls from the state sector. I keep thinking I should have done more for her.

With the greatest of respect- it's not about you, it's about what's best for her. I'm sure you feel awful and that you should have done more- but you need to put that aside. And absolutely not let your dd know that's how you feel. It's bad enough to "fail" at something when you're 7, without feeling as if you've let your mum down too.

And stop with the "she'll never get in to a good university now" stuff. She's 7!

Ali, The way you are talking about it is as if her life and opportunities will be over if you can't get her into a pressure-cooker school within the next 12 months.

Not really - but I am trying to make the right choice for her for the next 4 years and if I make a mistake I am facing a lot of trouble at 11+. I've just been there with DS and dread having to repeat it again with DD.

Someone said upthread about the schools knowing what kind of child fits in there, and that no matter how bright they may just not be the right fit.

The only way you are going to be 'facing problems' at 11+ is if you are hoping for her to go to Latymers or somewhere along those lines.

curlew, thankfully DD is fine with the whole thing! I never told her that she would go to either school or that she was sitting an exam - she was just "looking at them" as far as she was concerned.

Well, in terms of university, she wants to be a dancer and if she succeeds in that I will be only too happy. It is more about her becoming an educated person and having different options open to her if her West End career doesn't quite work out.

I went to Oxford from a state comp, so did my DSis and my DH. I really don't think a few years in a state junior school is going to scupper your DD's chances of a good education...

If she wants to be a dancer then you will need to be investing time and money in finding her the right dance training.
There are some threads documenting one MNer's DD journey to getting a place to do dance at uni. The amount of hard work and commitment has benn astounding.

Neither of my children would have been at all likely to get into a selective school at 7: dd was academically gifted but far too excitable to do well in exams and ds was struggling with the very basics of reading and writing.

But they are not now (at 13 and 17) the people they were at 7. Dd is now aiming at a career in performing arts (which requires nerves of steel) and ds is planning for university. The impetus and support, in both cases, has come from their ordinary state school.

The fact that you were not academically outstanding at 7 emphatically does not mean that you will not turn into the kind of person who can access a good education at state school.

sorry, missed the bit about her wanting to become a dancer

if she is in any way serious about that then you will need plenty of money for training classes, shows, auditions, summer programmes, extra lessons etc etc

this is precisely where I am putting the money I'm saving from not paying school fees: I couldn't both pay school fees and let her audition for the NYT

we are insisting (insofar as you can insist with a 17yo) that dd also does enough A-levels to get into university, should she not get into stage school

but 3 A-levels, at A-B grades, is hardly an unachievable object for a state school educated child: it's what all her friends are aiming for, too

Hi cory, thanks for your very reassuring input with regards to education. DS is too achieving much better than he did at infant school so I guess some children do develop later.

DD wants to be a dancer at 7 - I wanted to be a teacher in primary school and this dream never lived beyond 10 years of age. So I am not clearing the shelf for her awards just yet. Still, she is very keen and currently has dance classes three a week and ballet twice, also wants to dance a lot at home to my DVD (I am a dancer myself).