Really don't know what to do... schools, money, distances, despair...

[PrettyBelle]

So, the DD didn't get in either of two private schools at 7+ - have no idea what went wrong, the poor thing has worked hard daily since September, her school report is glowing, but then both schools, which are nearest, also happen to be very competitive.

There are other good schools which are non-selective but all at some distance away. Yet, I also need to drop off DS to school and then commute to London for my full-time job (1 hr one way if I am lucky). So the difficulties are as follows:

1. Un-feasibility of doing two school runs and then get to work remotely on time. Same with pick-ups.
2. Two private schools will eat up my entire salary (but DH also has a job and I get some freelance income too).
3. Not entirely sure about paying £4000 per term for a non-selective school for DD.

On the other hand:

1. Disillusioned with DD's state school (DS went to it before and I see a massive difference not that he is in private).
2. We could manage financially even if my salary will be spent on school fees.
3. Main point: we are a bilingual family and both DC seem to be behind in English so I believe being in small classes would help them with that.

What the hell do I do???

The state school - it's the junior to which DD's infant is a feeder so she will be familiar with it. The school has no streaming in English and Maths, no homework and was rated as 'requires improvement' by recent OFSTED.

Do you have space for an au-pair in your home? I believe they are not expensive and can easily look after children of your age before and after school as long (extra car needed for the school run I guess).

Send them both to state schools and start speaking English at home?

Stop committing into London, apply for local jobs, do the school run and parent your own child (Ducks).

Private school honestly isn't the only way to bring up bright, rounded DCs.

If you are in the SE, then presumably there are grammars which might be an option at 11yo.

DS did"t get into Tiffin despite scoring 140 in his CAT test at school. So I am not counting on grammars in our case.

I think I know where you are and competition was very fierce at the two schools this year. I would keep her where she is and tutor for the 11+. If I am right about where you are some of the non selectives run school buses. Other alternative us a couple of the prep only school that prepare for the 11+exams at the girls schools. Don't underestimate how far advanced some of the girls are at this school some of the Yr2 are expected to get Level 4 sats and nearly all will get Level 3.

why don't you go with state schools and see how they do? It seems madness to spend that amount. If they struggle and need additional help, you can reassess or even get them extra tuition. I think it is madness to make your life hard and spend all your salary on private school tbh.

Both dc seem to be behind in English.

It appears that you really want a selective, or even super-selective prep for your dd, but you admit that she's behind in English and didn't get any offers for such schools. The English is your problem. Strong English forms the crux of every subject, even maths problems.
As a mum to 2 dc who have been through a competitive 7+ I'm willing to bet that the lower English skills will have been the tripping point for her. It's absolutely crucial and if as you say your ds didn't catch up until he was 10, my advice would be to not sit again in a year but to spend your £ on extra English support over a period of time so that her English is on a par with her (selective) peers and sit at 11+.

You made your 7 year old daughter work hard for months because you want her to get into a selective school but she still didn't do well enough - does that not tell you something.
You are not happy with the state school, but only want to pay £4000 a term is the private school is selective, surely you need to find a school that is right for your daughter and it doesn't sound as if the selective schools are.

I should have mentioned it but she did get an offer from the selective school last year which we didn't take up for various reasons. So she was deemed bright enough at 6.

When I say that DC are behind in English that's my perception compared to the way their peers talk. In school reports - DS is below average, DS at the top of the second set (out of 4). Both schools don't express any concerns about their English.

I am not trying to convince anyone or even myself that in fact my kids are Einsteins but I am genuinely confused and maybe there is not much problem with their English after all - just a lot of competition for places. DD's school was very encouraging for her to sit the selective exams. A family acquintance, a senior school teacher, was very surprised she didn't get in.

Sorry, a typo! In school reports DD is above average.

She actually won a prize for writing at school recently.

I am not a teacher myself, was not educated in the UK so don't know how to help DD with English. Due to both me and DH working full-time tutors are a complicated matter due to timings - as we learnt when we tried going that route for DS in year 5.

Eventually moved him to private and it's such a massive difference - that's why I was so keen on DD doing the same.

How long would your DS be home alone for? He could attend an afterschool club, surely plenty at his school, and then get home by bus at a time suitable for all. He'll change his mind as he grows up.

We moved dd to state school as the cost of and trip to her private school were stressing us out. Best thing we've ever done. State school is average and she would be getting ahead faster in her old private school but we're thinking what's the point in making her develop faster than her age, which is pretty much what the private schools do. All in all, we're a much happier family now and that's what counts. Don't sweat it. Relaxed parents = happy children.

Winter, could be. Both schools are supposed be for all-rounders and DD has a grade 2 in ballet, performs in shows on stage in our town, has been playing violin for 1 year. I was actually quite proud of her extra-curricular element. I still think it could be the academics. She can be shy around strangers too.

LCHammer, I will check again with DS's school - at the moment him using the school bus would be the only option that would allow us to go private for DD. I was under impression that the bus only goes in the end of the school day i.e. at 4 pm, not after the clubs.

Bitlost, thanks for your post. I have indeed turned into a nervous wreck with 7+ and 11+ preparation for DC this year.

If your DS is at an all boys and the schools you sat DD for are all girls presumably you were looking at two school runs anyway? How had you planned the logistics for that? Or are the schools so close together it wasn't an issue?

I think looking for a more local job as suggested above would be a good plan.

Only school bus? How about public transport? Your son must be old enough for it by now.

I think you are underestimating what and who your your daughter is up against in 7+.
You say she seems behind in English. That her language skills appear to be behind her peers. That's she's not in the top set for English in her state school which is rated as "requires improvement". That she can be shy around strangers.
She was offered at 6 but others usually don't apply at 6 so she wouldn't have been pitched against dozens of others, prepped and ready for the 7+ last year. It's brutal I know.

And I agree with others - an 11 yr old boy can get himself to and from school via public transport, that's completely normal.

DD currently goes to an outstanding-rated infant school - it's the junior school that requires improvement. Otherwise - all valid points, thanks.

I would send dd to state school.

Get a tutor.

Cut back on work.

How does your dd manage to do all the extra curricular if you work FT?

Child must be exhausted.

You do sound a bit pushy.

I guess I am confused partly because there is a difference between being behind in a subject and not advanced enough for a competitive entry to a school. So I don't know whether her extent of the problem justifies drastic measures such as second set of school fees at the age of 7 and the inconvenience of school runs.