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Primary education

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Original poster

Why are teachers so patronising?

121 replies

TinselTownley · 22/12/2013 04:04

I am a 42 year old mother of two. I am often judged on my looks and did model while I completed my Masters.

The teachers at my youngest's school talk to my husband and I as if we have learning difficulties. I am going to start the next term just doing the same back unless anyone can offer me an explanation?

I have an older child (12). The baby is now in reception. I have been quite forthcoming about my career as has my husband. We earn much more than teachers. They actually said 'well done' to us for taking some photos of the boy looking at autumn toadstools during our usual weekend dog walk. Then they clapped. They also have given me no progress report for my child since he started Reception in September. We both work and they only meet with parents/ have open events between 9 and 3.

I've met a lot of teachers and those with talent and integrity aren't like this. [edited by MNHQ] Do feel free to call them up to experience that unique 'you've got special needs' approach to communications first hand.

In the meantime, what do I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bonsoir · 22/12/2013 11:57

It was sold on the idea that the DC were going to discover all sorts of new outdoor challenges... These are DC who all belong to sports clubs, go ski-ing, to Club Med, sommer camp several times a year. The teacher told the parents that she was taking inner city DC to discover the great outdoors

NigellasDealer · 22/12/2013 11:59

OTH I have come across a few teachers who do patronise parents and who have told stories rather than admit things have gone wrong
well tbh so have I but I am not sure that was linked to my stunning looks or high earnings.
oh an Bonsoir
I came across one teacher who played the 'I have taught in the inner city"
card in just ANY situation, it was so tedious!

curlew · 22/12/2013 12:08

It's also very easy to sound patronizing when you talk to an adult for the first time at 3.30 when you've been talking to 4 year olds all day. We sometimes have to give a very dear friend who's a reception teacher a kick or or two to stop her helping us with our gloves, and reminding us to go to the loo.......

NearTheWindmill · 22/12/2013 12:18

My best one was at Legoland when we got off the little train down the hill and a young woman started shouting at the top of her voice. "Who does this blue ruck sack belong to" "one of you has left it behind - over here if it belongs to you". Don't know if anyone claimed it but she then launched into "oh I bet you can all tell I'm a teacher can't you". It was so tempting to say no love "I can just tell you like the sound of your own voice and have no inhibitions about making a show of yourself".

Sadly it's one or two sillies who makes the entire profession look bad.

Aren't you stunning then Nigella .

curlew · 22/12/2013 12:32

"It was so tempting to say no love "I can just tell you like the sound of your own voice and have no inhibitions about making a show of yourself".

So glad you restrained yourself.

clam · 22/12/2013 12:55

Well, I'm a teacher, and I have to agree that there are some who are patronising arses work with a couple.

But as ever, it's a generalisation, and it's down to human nature, not the fact that they're teachers.

The OP, on the other hand, is a .....

Feenie · 22/12/2013 13:16

Go on, clam, treat yourself - it is Christmas

PacificDingbat · 22/12/2013 13:21

Has the OP not been back then??

Of course teachers like any other group of people will have nice ones, not so nice ones, patronising ones, understanding ones, big ones, small ones, etc etc.

No reason to get too exercised about tbh - all part of the rich tapestry of life.

clam · 22/12/2013 15:44

OK, so I'm putting my hand up for 'nice,' big, and 'understanding.'

Happy holidays, all!

Snowdown · 22/12/2013 15:55

I have come across teachers like OP mentions. Thankfully all teachers are not awful, but a few are and if you are unlucky enough to encounter the crap ones it will piss you off enough to complain about it. But there's unfortunately not much you can do as the HT will support their staff regardless because you are just the daft parent being a bit precious about your dcs.

mammadiggingdeep · 22/12/2013 16:54

There's Crap ones, I agree but does talking in a tone you don't like mean theyre crap??

NewtRipley · 22/12/2013 20:28

Eh?

mammadiggingdeep · 22/12/2013 20:31

Was that eh? to me...probavly II know that didn't make sense at all...was typing on phone with an 18 month crawling all over me...

What I meant was: there are crap teachers of course there are. The op's teacher might be one of them. However, it's not the patronising tone that makes a teacher a bad one, its their performance in class that counts. Personally, I wouldn't mind a patronising chat every now again if I knew my dd was getting an excellent deal in the class room.

NewtRipley · 22/12/2013 20:35

mamma

Nooo - to the OP. Sorry

LynetteScavo · 22/12/2013 20:38

I would quite like to be clapped for my photography skills! [saddo]

One teacher did do the "I have been teaching for 20 years...." bit on me, but DS made incredible progress in her class, and now so is DD. She was also quite rude to DS about some chocolate he offered her (yes many of you remember that thread, as I keep referring to the incident) but she is an amazing teacher, and my DC like her, so she can be as patronizing and as rude to me as she likes.

mammadiggingdeep · 22/12/2013 20:38

Oh- well I think an 'eh?' Was also an understandable response to my garbled post!! But yeah...the op defo gets a double 'eh?' From me!

Hogwash · 22/12/2013 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 22/12/2013 20:51

I think as you earn much more than teachers, you should find an independent schools for your DC. The teachers will be more used to high earning, beautiful people.

NewtRipley · 22/12/2013 20:57

P.S

If you really can't take time off to attend parent-teacher meetings 9other people manage it ..) then you need to request a meeting at a time you can make

mammadiggingdeep · 22/12/2013 20:58

Lynette, that's so how I'd view it. I had the same midwife for both dd's- she saw me every appointment and delivered dd2. She was frightfully jolly hockey sticks, very matronly and totally opposite from me. She knew her stuff, ws totally thorough, could tell her heart was in the right place and I wouldn't have swapped her for the world. Just because somebody might be slightly annoying, it doesn't make them crap at their jobs or make what they're saying invalid.

The world would be dull if we were all alike and quite frankly op I'm glad I'm not as snobby as you (that's if you're genuine?)

Cerisier · 23/12/2013 04:44

You contact the teachers in January and make an appointment to go in and discuss your child's progress.

I teach maths and if a parent can't make it to a parent/teacher meeting I speak to them by phone or they come in at another time. They contact me, we make arrangements, it is very standard. Not all parents can make it on the day, due to all sorts of commitments.

Behave consistently politely and professionally and you should find they treat you in a similar way.

(I am making a note to myself to check I am not being patronising to parents when I speak to them- but how do you know you are getting it right?)

columngollum · 24/12/2013 07:30

Well, if how much you earn is a real issue for you, then why not send your children to a really expensive private school where, by definition, all parents earn far more than the teachers, and then the problem will disappear.

But don't start the relationship off with a lecture about your modelling career. They're not interested.

Jaynebxl · 24/12/2013 07:56

Hilarious! No time to discuss child's progress but time to inform the teacher of your earnings and previous modelling career! What's not to love?!

Danann · 24/12/2013 11:13

Haha OP, I suspect the answer is they are patronising to you because you look down on them. A lot of people earn more than teachers that doesn't necessarily make them better than teachers or intelligent

jamdonut · 24/12/2013 16:58

Sometimes teachers say things to parents for the benefit of the child to hear,hoping that you will cotton on and join in in the same manner.

And sometimes it is a case of making yourself extremely clear so there is no room for ambiguity.

What exactly is it that you find "patronising"?

Is it just that you are obviously more intelligent then them, with your Master's and all, that there is nothing they could possibly tell you about how you child is progressing that you couldn't understand and do a better job of it any way?

In which case, perhaps you should home educate?

Anyway, I wouldn't take it personally. Perhaps it is to do with the way you come across to them?Maybe they feel like you talk down to them?

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