School friends from deprived families

[poppytin]

DS1 just started reception in September. We didn’t get our first choice of school which could be seen from our house due to oversubscription and sibling rule. DS1 now goes to second choice school which is in a more deprived area although the school has performed rather well and been improving. We’re 7th on the waiting list for first choice school which has very low turnover so chances of getting in are pretty slim. I have no issue with the school as given its circumstances ie high FSM and SEN its performance is very good. However I can’t seem to make myself like the families of the children there. At the school gate I’ve met people in their pyjamas, with cigarettes on their fingers, piercings on etc. I’ve seen people shouting/swearing at each other in the playground while waiting for their children. DS was invited to a birthday party of one of the boys in his class and it was the worst house I’ve ever set foot in. Mom was in nightie with a cig on when we arrived at mid day. DS1 appears to be academic, loves reading and writing, both DH and I have masters from redbrick units and are in professional jobs, our house is walled with books and CDs.

DS loves his school and teachers which is the main reason I’m using to calm me down. However I worry whether the environment where his friends grow in would have an impact on him and his education.

Any opinions?

I'd like to know if there was a staffy running loose,and special brew for the party guests.

She'll need to spray him with jo Malone and brisk rub with a kumon workbook
Then he'll be back to himself proper little mc chap

Did hostess offer Buckie and sausage rolls for guests?

Buckie lol

Was it a tatty teddy blue nose nightie???

Definitely Iceland party food.

And ten fags in the party bags.

She'll need to spray him with jo Malone and brisk rub with a kumon workbook

Maybe the problem is that the dress was too stylish for the OP to recognise it as such, so she just assumed it was a nightie.

Or was it satin teddy nightie complete with feather mules and fag??

I have an inkling that the OP was being genuine.

Oh my days.

Do people actually still wear nighties these days?

She should have borrowed some pjs from the other common mums outside the school.

@ startlightlight mcKenzie, I explained already. Ambition is that confidence the children have that the world is their oyster. They believe they can be what they want to be, and that that will be supported. And to answer your question, why wouldn't children have ambition at an under privileged school, the answer is simple, that they might well do, but they could be teased for it, or they could lower their sights. Also, as a parent, you are no longer the biggest influence on your children past about 10 or 11. So to anybody who thinks that having your eyes open to the world we live in is snobbery!

They don't get teased for it.

Another myth put about to excuse the snobbery on here.

Last time I collected one of my kids for an exeat weekend from a very well respected public school,there was a fight just outside between two dads,apparently the range rover driving drug dealer's wife had been doing the nasty with the other bloke,

But I guess that wouldn't count as shocking behaviour as the wife was stood there wearing a pencil skirt.

Well you are not able to speak for every school. I know of pupils who were teased. They were doing well at maths, in line for a c or a B if they were lucky and it all went well but they wanted to secure a B and they asked for help from the teacher and were mocked not just by the other pupils but by the teacher. So, sorry usualsuspect but there's just no way you can come out with a blanket statement/reassurance that children are never teased for wanting to do well. I have experienced two very different types of schools and I know firsthand that there was an entirely different ethos at each school. At my first school it was cool to hang around smoking on the hockey pitches, giving the teachers back chat. At the second school that behavior was considered really 'sad'. loser-ish. So I'm sorry but you can't come out with such a statement. it really is not true.

I beg to differ actually usual. It is really unfair and blinkered to deny that just because you or your kids have not experienced it. Believe me, plenty have.

You see, I ask about the nightie because it could have been a lovely floaty vintage frock from the 70s. Like the sort that Paula Wilcox and Sally Thomsett used to wear in Man About The House.

Quite retro classy, actualment.

Going to say upfront I haven't read the whole thread, but even though I'm kicking myself I'm going to bite.

I grew up on a council estate, in a grubby house and with a chain smoking mother. I wasn't always clean and often had fag burns in my clothes.

My mum had MS and struggled with depression, my Dad did his best but had to retire early with his own health issues and died when I was 12.

Both parents inspired me with a love of reading and learning that (in collusion with my DH) I'm doing my best to pass on to my daughter. They also ensured that I had a strong work ethic and general moral philosophy.

Wastes of skin can be found in every socioeconomic class, fags, dirt and nighties are not always reliable indicators. Perhaps you should have an open mind, you really wont know what all these people are like unless you get to know them, you don't have to give them directions to your house straight away.

All our books came from the Library by the way, so they lined it's walls rather than ours, we still read constantly.

Your experience is more truthful than mine?

AH, must be because you are a nice MC person.

I watched Man about the house the other day.

Yootha Joyce was a very classy lady. Lime Green was definitely her colour.

C'mon! Propa chavs wear onesies these days.

I completely understand where you are coming from OP. There are 2 schools within our catchment. School a is in a nice area, with professional parents and like minded parenting strategies. School b is on a council estate with swearing, fag carrying, pj wearing parents. Both schools are of equal attainment. But we, and a lot of our friends have chosen school a because of the parent type. I want to build relationships with other parents and want DC to mix with like minded peers. Role models are important and swearing shows illiteracy and lack of respect, smoking shows health concerns and pj wearing shows not working or sense of pride in appearance. Not what I want my DC to grow up seeing. I'm happy to join you in taking flack, because I feel this thread has been hijacked by a type of person that feels they need to justify their ways.