School friends from deprived families

[poppytin]

DS1 just started reception in September. We didn’t get our first choice of school which could be seen from our house due to oversubscription and sibling rule. DS1 now goes to second choice school which is in a more deprived area although the school has performed rather well and been improving. We’re 7th on the waiting list for first choice school which has very low turnover so chances of getting in are pretty slim. I have no issue with the school as given its circumstances ie high FSM and SEN its performance is very good. However I can’t seem to make myself like the families of the children there. At the school gate I’ve met people in their pyjamas, with cigarettes on their fingers, piercings on etc. I’ve seen people shouting/swearing at each other in the playground while waiting for their children. DS was invited to a birthday party of one of the boys in his class and it was the worst house I’ve ever set foot in. Mom was in nightie with a cig on when we arrived at mid day. DS1 appears to be academic, loves reading and writing, both DH and I have masters from redbrick units and are in professional jobs, our house is walled with books and CDs.

DS loves his school and teachers which is the main reason I’m using to calm me down. However I worry whether the environment where his friends grow in would have an impact on him and his education.

Any opinions?

HahahaHahaha at Savvyblonde.

usualsuspect who is that directed at ? me?
I didn't say that my experience was more truthful than yours. YOU are the one who used your own experience to dispel the 'myth' of what I have experienced. So I'm just not making blanket reassurances such as "children are never teased for wanting to do well".

As I said earlier it's about a better average. People react to the average. They are either spurred on by it, or lulled in to a false sense of security by it.

And in my experience 'nice' schools have more spare money kicking around to fund what the school needs. So that never hurts.

I've worn pajamas to school, have tattoos and smoke fags (not at school) but my kids don't mind, I'm their teacher after all.

I think you will find that 'not so nice' schools get more funding.

Oh hahah! Just saw savvys post..... swearing shows illiteracy .....

I refuse to believe that all the parents in the OP's school are as she describes. Rather she has allowed her prejudices to get in the way and sees only what she wants to....then again we cant be sure as she hasn't come back to tell us. Goady?

My son's school is in a run down area but I have yet to see a parent turn up in PJ's. Some smoke and some shout and swear but they are in the minority.

As a parent I have a degree and a shitload of books (too many in fact....less a case of "where shall I put the books" and more where shall I put the next bookcase").

I can almost guarantee that there wil be similar parents at the OP's PFB's school but she is such a stuck up snob she wont meet them. Her loss.

Also mwah to usual

I wouldn't have had a problem with the pyjamas or fags or swearing, but I did have a problem at my child's school very early on when a few of the parents had a full on row with the teacher about being asked to read for 10 mins a week with their children; their argument was that they didn't have 10 mins to spare every week (despite none of them actually working).
Most of those parents were also regularly swearing and smoking at the school gates, but they did put on a track suit for the school run.

My dd attends a 'good' CE School with children from mixed backgrounds. Most of the parents I have encountered are genuinely interested in their child's education. There is a strong PTA Board and a good relationship between parents and children.

I would not want my dc to spend time with children or adults who swear or who are very 'rough'.

Although I am not keen on tattoos or smoking the people associated with them are not necessarily 'low class' or 'poor'.

OP, I don't know if this has already been mentioned but have you seen the other thread about the 14 year olds, who are now expecting a baby. They were at a fee paying boarding school iirc and came from the right sort of family.

MNHQ why have I been deleted? Why have others been deleted? Thanks.

Amberleaf i dont know why u r singling me out. Im lucky my children are at a lovely school where all the parents have high expectations for their children. As a btoke single parents there are times when i would have felt less judged, if my children were at a less comfortably middle class school. But the various well-attended pta fund raisers benefit the school enormously, so i suck up snobbery from the other mums for my children's sakes

I'm not 'singling you out' it is called conversation, I was replying to your post calling me and others hypocrites

I know i am not a snob. Say what you like to me, children at nice middle class small schools are getting a bit of a head start. Their readimg

My children at school in a deprived area are doing great. We too have a great PTA that raises money to benefit the school enormously.

I can live witj being imsulted onumsnet by somebody who gets a kick out of making a dig., but i couldnt live with throwing my children in to school like op desvribesand just hoping for the best

From the person who called people hypocrites. Who insulted you? Not me.

Exactly that, FiveExpectations.

Bring up your kids properly, with a decent respect for you and others and society in general, and the vast majority of them will understand what constitutes reasonable behaviour that will set them in good stead for their future. Their ambition is set by their parents, not their peers, early on. Bollocks to them only having influence up to 10 or 11...I didn't stop listening to my parents at that age I was 18 and I'm so glad I didn't/

I also think those that would put peer pressure before their parents' opinion wouldn't do so because of the school they went to. They would do so because they have so little respect for themselves that they need to forge a "cool" or rebellious identity of their own.

I have NEVER seen so many deleted messages on one thread.

Savvyblonde, why do you think the two schools have equal levels of attainment?

By your reasoning, the "MC" school should be achieving much higher.

You know savvy: if you all didn't avoid school b because you don't like the parents, it's playground would be awash with Boden twice a day too.

I've seen plenty of deleted messages on one thread in AIBU, just never in Primary Education.

PMSL at someone try to argue that swearing = illiteracy on Mumsnet.

Say what you like to me, children at nice middle class small schools are getting a bit of a head start.

^^This. I don't see the OPs post as beyond the pale. She wants her child to have the best possible chances of a good education and positive peer group. Who doesn't? She possibly didn't word her OP to her best advantage.

Of course there are lovely children in every school and great steadfast hard working lower income families. Of course there are. Can people honestly say though, there aren't any reasons to be concerned about the higher rates of behavioural issues, aggression, drinking/smoking, depression and educational gaps etc, etc, etc that are, PC or not, linked to socioeconomic status?

Starballbunny is right though - it is impossible to have a reasonable discussion about it on MN. Everyone is so quick to get their nickers in a twist.

Fuck me, Savvy, seriously? You don't want your DC to 'grow up seeing' people who do not dress/speak/behave exactly as you and your exclusively MC cronies do? You don't want them to understand that there are many different people around and that diversity and a mix of backgrounds/behaviour/looks is healthy?

'swearing shows illiteracy' is rubbish. 'smoking shows health concerns': you what?
'pj wearing shows not working or sense of pride in appearance.' Not working? Imagine! The horror! They must be DIDDLING THE SYSTEM and spending all their benefits on FAGS AND BOOZE AND GAMBLING.

Or maybe they do work but they have other reasons for wearing pjs? And, I said it earlier but was deleted: if it's not OK for a parent you have clearly decided is beneath you (read: working class) to wear pjs to school, is it equally not OK for a naice MC parent to wear pjs to school as evidenced by columns and interviews where said naice MC media types giggle about how they throw on a coat over their pjs for the school run and oooh aren't they naughty? How would you square those two things?

Clay, it's not the first time. I've seen a fair few po-faced comments before along the lines of 'swearing shows that you don't have a very wide vocabulary'.

'So far they haven't come home and demanded a trip to Tuscany or refused to accompany me to Asda.'

Yes, but will they go to Lidl or Argos, though?