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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Nasty school report

84 replies

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 16:03

I have a DS in year 6 (just left) who has attended what had always seemed fantastic school in north london.

However this school report has said that he has made 'Hurtful and Unkind' comments to his peers. As this is his final report I am very upset. His report in general is very negative and we are so upset that we are planning to tear it up, however I can't seem to forget about it, as he is such a kind and popular character.

Do you think I should persue this, especially as my DD is still there for 3 years.

Is his teacher allowed to put this on his report? It seemed spiteful.

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TheFallenMadonna · 22/07/2012 16:11

I work on the principle that nothing on a report should come as a surprise, so if this is the first you've heard, then YANBU to be upset. However, I don't think reports should leave things out just because they hard for parents to read.

edam · 22/07/2012 16:16

Is this the first time you've heard of him making unkind remarks? Not good practice if it is - if there has been a problem, school should have told you at the time, not left it until the final report when there's sod-all you can do about it.

OR it could just be a bitchy teacher who didn't like your ds and is having a pop. Only you know the truth. But either way, it's not a good way to write a report.

ZZZenAgain · 22/07/2012 16:17

It is a shame it is the report he leaves primary with. I would think it might be worth asking for an appointment to have a chat about it, although timing now makes that very difficult. Seems that if the report is "very negative in general", things were going on at school that you have really been unaware of. It might be good, if you can bring yourself to listen with an open mind to some uncomfortable talk, to get to the bottom of it. However, since he has left primary now and you have a different school to deal with, perhaps it isn't worth it from the point of view of the school or perhaps from your point of view too for that matter. I don't think the school would amend the report if that is what you would like but if you don't speak to them, you won't find out.

goingtoofast · 22/07/2012 16:18

If he has had those issues you should have been told before. If you don't think what is written is about your son then you should ask his teacher.

Are the reports given to the secondary school he will attend?

IslaValargeone · 22/07/2012 16:19

It certainly seems unreasonable that this was out of the blue. I would have thought anything like this would have been brought up face to face.
It does seem spiteful in view of the fact he has just left.

IslaValargeone · 22/07/2012 16:21

What has your son said about it?

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 16:21

Thanks Thefallenmadonna, yes it was a suprise/shock. We knew he had seen the head a few times but we were not told by the school what it was about, ds mentioned one time he had been set up and this came out and ds was apologised to by peer.

After speaking to the headmaster he said they will work on measures to stop 'shocks/suprises' in school reports going forward, however I still feel unsatisfied and want it re-written.

Does anyone know if this level of negative comment is allowed?

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Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 16:25

Wow thanks for all the messages. It has not been sent to his new school, thank goodness

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FallenCaryatid · 22/07/2012 16:26

Were you completely unaware that there were aspects of his behaviour that needed improving? The school or teacher made no attempt to contact you to discuss it?
None of the parents' evenings you attended raised any issues like this?
If that is the case, then the school are at fault, they should have discussed issues with you. If these problems have arisen in the last month, they should not have been in his report.
It is inefficient, and did nothing to help any child who may have been the butt of any hurtful and unkind remarks either.

NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata · 22/07/2012 16:26

Why would you tear it up and forget about it? I don't understand - shouldn't it be a no-brainer that you try and get to the bottom of it?

If you find out that he has been playing up, you need to address that, you'd be doing him a disservice in the long run if you ignore it (not to mention the message you'd be giving him - hey, if we don't like what we hear we just put our fingers in our ears and lalalalalala).

If his behaviour has been good and the teacher is being unpleasant without good reason then the school should deal with it, and your son should then feel that his parents care enough to stick up for him.

Don't the high schools get these types of records? Not a great start if his next teacher is getting this before meeting him.

FallenCaryatid · 22/07/2012 16:28

There are no legal rules about what can go into a report, usually the head is the filter.
Didn't you follow up why he'd been sent to the head on several occasions?

FallenCaryatid · 22/07/2012 16:30

Secondary school don't get the reports, but in my school the Y6 teacher have sit down transition meetings with the Y7 teachers before the end of term, where we pass on information in a variety of ways.

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 16:31

My son has said that he has felt picked on by the teacher and has had unfair treatment, ds has vaguely mentioned it, but never seemed strong enough to complain to the teacher, I say with regret now.

He has been on the verge of learning difficulties and his motivation is this class was low, I think the teacher has found this hard to cope with. Although he did quite well in sats, without extra time.

I had thought generally all was ok as I had not heard otherwise. he has had such a lovely school life there generally, it seems such a terrible note to leave on. Other mothers in the class were so proud of the reports. I know in my heart that my ds is good and the report is badly written.

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DottyWottyDooDah · 22/07/2012 16:31

That is a factual statement, "he has made hurtful and unkind comments". No reason why it shouldn't be allowed on his report. It wasn't an opinion eg "Ds is a nasty spiteful boy" - that would be out of order.
Agree you need to determine if it's correct. If so, work on dealing with this with your Ds for a positive outcome. If not, then ask for further info from the school.

ZZZenAgain · 22/07/2012 16:34

apart from that comment, what else was negative about the report?

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 16:39

I completely understand the diservice comment and we have followed up with the school already. I met with his teacher who said she wrote the behaviour she had observed, I then met with the head who said that he was not going to rewrite as 'it would set a precedence'. The deputy head said 'We love dsxxx' which was nice but not in writing. The question now is weather I take it to the next level 'ie Governers'. The teacher in question has a good reputation, but does come accross quiet and cold.

There are a few other mothers in the class who have just had the same comment in their childrens reports (from the same teacher) and they are equally shocked and wondering how to address this issue.

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ZZZenAgain · 22/07/2012 16:44

if you have already spoken to the teacher, the head and the deputy head without getting anywhere, I don't know if you will have much luck pursuing it with the governors. Perhaps if you know the other parents who have similar comments in their dc's reports, you could approach the governors as a group.

I know it is hard to leave these things behind you, of course it is upsetting especially if you feel the comments are unjust but maybe tear it up if you want to that or put it away and try to move on. He starts secondary anyway with a clear slate. At least I hope he does. It might just keep getting you down , the longer you occupy yourself with it IYSWIM.

Did the teacher say anything more detailed about what your ds has been saying or doing or simply that she wrote what she had observed?

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 16:56

Their explanation seemed vague and I couldn't figure it out. They said something about him being on the periphery of too many situations and his name had been mentioned too many times. He is quite popular in the class and I suspect some of these cases had been reported by jealous children/child.
Ds mentioned he had been sent to headmaster concerning a girl who had said that he and other boys were bullying her, however it turned out that she was lying and apologised to them.

He also mentioned that my ds perhaps should have stayed away from some children, but would not say who.

The head mentioned there had been tension bubbling between the boys and the girls. This was probably not surprising as the 4 lead roles in the school show were given to girls.

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ZZZenAgain · 22/07/2012 16:58

presumably the dc he should have kept away from will be the others who received similar comments in their report, don't you think?

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 17:07

The other negatives were, he seems unmotivated, not offering to lead a team (which he said he always does & doesn't sound like him), disrespectful to teachers (I have taught him to nicely speak up for himself), eratic progress this year (there has been illness in the family & the school knew), happy to do bare minimum (he had good sat results), need to behave more muturely (he's only 11!)

At the last ptc she only mentioned the lack of motivation!

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Greythorne · 22/07/2012 17:15

Sorry, OP, but you seem to be contradicting every negative comment in the report.
You need a proper sit down with your son and try to understand this better, not just deny it all.

As for the comment about the show.....someone has to take the lead roles. Accepting it is not you is a key learning experience. But you seem to find, once again, a reason to justify your son's babehaviour.

Annunziata · 22/07/2012 17:19

Perhaps you should question your son and discipline him?

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 17:27

Hi greythorne thank you for your objective comments.

The girls were very good in the show, however we did wonder if it might be a girls school that he was attending with the lack of male stage presence! Anyway not so important, except from the point that things have been stirred up between the boys/girls in the school giving all the 4 main parts to girls. My ds has always been good at acting so it was particularly hard for him to accept.

Not denying it all, but with the hurtful and unkind comment on the report it is hard to credit it with proper attention.

I need to work on ways to improve communication between myself/dh and my ds and make sure I keep an eye on the teachers opinions so that I do not get shocked again.

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goingtoofast · 22/07/2012 17:27

You don't seem to accept any of the negative comments which is quite owrrying.

Original poster

bubblyblonde · 22/07/2012 17:36

He has shown a lack of motivation, his progress has been eratic and I do accept these points. My dh,dm,df and friends have read the report and say the 'hurtful and unkind comment' /' not leading a team' comments do not seem correct and come accross as nasty.

I feel like there was a breakdown in ds/teacher relationship that I was unaware of and the timing ie. just before the report was unfortunate.

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